It's better that I do two post in one night because this post deserves a post all on its own!
Since I started opening up to my husband about my lack of faith that we are actually one day going to be pregnant, he has always had strong faith telling me he knows that one day we will be pregnant (or at least I will, but he will help contribute).
I struggled with this every time he said this. It really really bothered me. I always felt like we didn't know if we even could. Our test did not show that is was possible yet, but then again..they never show that it was impossible.
Something inside me (nope, not a baby) has made me to believe that I will be pregnant soon. Which is funny because a few months ago when people say "oh, I'm so sorry, you know you're going to be pregnant soon." I would have that feeling of "how do you know?" and want to punch them because I was angry. Yesterday someone said this to me, and I felt like telling them "oh I know...I'm getting so excited for when it does happen and looking forward to it."
wow
a huge difference I have felt.
I know and look forward getting pregnant soon. I believe now that it will happen.
Also,
true story, my friend has been dealing with infertility for 2 years now and next month she was going to go in for her first IUI, and guess what? she just found out she is pregnant!
Talk about beating the odds.
Now, I'm sure I'll have a different story, but I will have a "what did it take to get pregnant" story.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
start a blog
Everyone needs to start a blog.
I have a friend going through a very difficult trial with her newborn now and it just happens to be the same trial my cousin faced just a year ago. Only this friend is blogging about it and I heard my cousin say that she wished she would have done that.
Also I have had a few people share their infertility struggle with me and say they kept in all the emotions that you are all reading about me go through.
Whatever we are going through, it's best to yell it out because people actually stop acting like they are perfect and share their struggles with you that actually make you feel closer and bond more as sisters and brothers.
I have a friend going through a very difficult trial with her newborn now and it just happens to be the same trial my cousin faced just a year ago. Only this friend is blogging about it and I heard my cousin say that she wished she would have done that.
Also I have had a few people share their infertility struggle with me and say they kept in all the emotions that you are all reading about me go through.
Whatever we are going through, it's best to yell it out because people actually stop acting like they are perfect and share their struggles with you that actually make you feel closer and bond more as sisters and brothers.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
My Goal
I have been away from writing for a while now because I don't want to jinx it. I had a goal for a long time to just find happiness during my trial. I searched high and low to find how I can still be myself too. I struggled for a long time with this.
I feel like I started this blog to vent my angry. Every time someone announced they were pregnant I was a very unhappy person to be around. My poor husband took the just of most of it. For the majority of pregnant ladies out there I'm not comfortable being around or talking to because it always leads to babies, but I now have 2 friends who have struggled with me with infertility that are now pregnant. I love talking with them and supporting them. I have felt like I have reached my goal.... being happy in my trial, and being myself again.
I don't know when the turning point was, I think it was a slow processes. I know coming closer to my Heavenly Father and relying on his help and strength has done a great difference. I had seen my friend struggle with her infertility for over 2 years and decided to blame God and put a wedge between her and her husband. I knew she needed more help than we could give each other. Thankfully she sought out professional help and some time ago started doing the things she knew she needed to do. She has gotten pregnant now and that is a whole, huge miracle by itself.
We had family in town last weekend and I was watching a new show "Quints by Surprise" and that's when my mom said that she thinks that is going to be her next trial in life. That I will do IVF and have many many multiples and she will be my helper. I had never thought about that before and don't know how our family will come to be, but whatever way we have our family....naturally, meds, drs. adoption... we will one day have a huge family and that is what I focus my goal on now. Become a person I need to be.
We are still hoping for our family here and doing all we can.
I feel like I started this blog to vent my angry. Every time someone announced they were pregnant I was a very unhappy person to be around. My poor husband took the just of most of it. For the majority of pregnant ladies out there I'm not comfortable being around or talking to because it always leads to babies, but I now have 2 friends who have struggled with me with infertility that are now pregnant. I love talking with them and supporting them. I have felt like I have reached my goal.... being happy in my trial, and being myself again.
I don't know when the turning point was, I think it was a slow processes. I know coming closer to my Heavenly Father and relying on his help and strength has done a great difference. I had seen my friend struggle with her infertility for over 2 years and decided to blame God and put a wedge between her and her husband. I knew she needed more help than we could give each other. Thankfully she sought out professional help and some time ago started doing the things she knew she needed to do. She has gotten pregnant now and that is a whole, huge miracle by itself.
We had family in town last weekend and I was watching a new show "Quints by Surprise" and that's when my mom said that she thinks that is going to be her next trial in life. That I will do IVF and have many many multiples and she will be my helper. I had never thought about that before and don't know how our family will come to be, but whatever way we have our family....naturally, meds, drs. adoption... we will one day have a huge family and that is what I focus my goal on now. Become a person I need to be.
We are still hoping for our family here and doing all we can.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Pregnant in Heels
Have you heard about it?
I'm a bravo junky. I like the housewives, hairshows and all. When I heard about this new one that started back in febuary, I was going through the hardest part of infertility. I was struggling big time with my happiness. Since then, I have had an extra strength to help me not hate these beautiful and wonderful women that are becoming mom's. I started watching it some time ago. Here and there. I wouldn't tape it and I wanted to only see them when I was having a good day.
Today hasn't been a good day but I've been at home all day dealing with other trials that have blown up in our faces last night. So I decided to watch one episode. It was really good. And that is also when I found out the women in charge of the show and maternity clothing line is also going through infertility and undergoing IVF. I became very humbled. Sometimes I struggle just at my work with one pregnant co-worker and another is a mom, but I can't imagine all your clients being pregnant hormonal ladies needing her help and going through the normal infertility struggles, really?
My eyes have been opened more. She recently lost a pregnancy due to an Ectopic pregnancy .
She took a day off and went back to work, and even starting shots again for IVF, I guess you could call her my hero, because I took off a week and layed in the sun feeling sorry for myself and still dragged my feet when I came back to reality. anyways, I now have a new show I love because it's not all about flowers and pregnant ladies, it's real women who have or have not struggle to get where they are and still sometimes not happy. Seening Mrs. Rosie do her thing for all the pregnant ladies out there really make me excited to be excited for my friends. I cant wait to one day through my best friends baby showers.
Check out more of my new hero, Rosie here
and something fun to do...take the Mommy IQ (weather you are trying, pregnant now, or just had a baby)
and for dreamers...check out her amazing clothing line that is so beautiful I'd be afraid to leave the house...actually I'll have no place to go looking that doll up.
I'm a bravo junky. I like the housewives, hairshows and all. When I heard about this new one that started back in febuary, I was going through the hardest part of infertility. I was struggling big time with my happiness. Since then, I have had an extra strength to help me not hate these beautiful and wonderful women that are becoming mom's. I started watching it some time ago. Here and there. I wouldn't tape it and I wanted to only see them when I was having a good day.
Today hasn't been a good day but I've been at home all day dealing with other trials that have blown up in our faces last night. So I decided to watch one episode. It was really good. And that is also when I found out the women in charge of the show and maternity clothing line is also going through infertility and undergoing IVF. I became very humbled. Sometimes I struggle just at my work with one pregnant co-worker and another is a mom, but I can't imagine all your clients being pregnant hormonal ladies needing her help and going through the normal infertility struggles, really?
My eyes have been opened more. She recently lost a pregnancy due to an Ectopic pregnancy .
She took a day off and went back to work, and even starting shots again for IVF, I guess you could call her my hero, because I took off a week and layed in the sun feeling sorry for myself and still dragged my feet when I came back to reality. anyways, I now have a new show I love because it's not all about flowers and pregnant ladies, it's real women who have or have not struggle to get where they are and still sometimes not happy. Seening Mrs. Rosie do her thing for all the pregnant ladies out there really make me excited to be excited for my friends. I cant wait to one day through my best friends baby showers.
Check out more of my new hero, Rosie here
and something fun to do...take the Mommy IQ (weather you are trying, pregnant now, or just had a baby)
and for dreamers...check out her amazing clothing line that is so beautiful I'd be afraid to leave the house...actually I'll have no place to go looking that doll up.
Great new books for infertility
As I was watching the Today show this morning they had a new Book that they were sharing.
At this time over 6 million Americans are struggling with infertility.
You can go online and find hundreds of books written to help women coupe with infertility, but this is one of the first of it's kind.
A book to help the husband with supporting and understand what his wife is going through during infertility times.
It's called, " What He can expect when she is not expecting"
I think this will be a great book for my husband to realize why I am crazy.
Also I bought this new book on desert bookstore.
"Infertility : Help, Hope and Healing"
I'm very excited to read from an LDS stand point.
I love the mail these days. A friends of mine just recently went through what I'm starting to go through. She was able to get pregnant through IVF and had their little ones. She mailed me some great books that I'm reading also, starting with Hannah's hope.
Thanks E.
At this time over 6 million Americans are struggling with infertility.
You can go online and find hundreds of books written to help women coupe with infertility, but this is one of the first of it's kind.
A book to help the husband with supporting and understand what his wife is going through during infertility times.
It's called, " What He can expect when she is not expecting"
I think this will be a great book for my husband to realize why I am crazy.
Also I bought this new book on desert bookstore.
"Infertility : Help, Hope and Healing"
I'm very excited to read from an LDS stand point.
I love the mail these days. A friends of mine just recently went through what I'm starting to go through. She was able to get pregnant through IVF and had their little ones. She mailed me some great books that I'm reading also, starting with Hannah's hope.
Thanks E.
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