Written on: Aug 10, 2011
Man, today was a very hard day.
When we went to see Dr. Anderson last time we wanted to schedule the IUI as soon as possible. I first had to finish a few test.
Lab work here
Sperm there
and HSG test.
Then I thought we would move on to IUI and everything would be just fine.
I had no worries about the test.
I talked to a dear friend of mine more about it and she told me not to worry, that it would just stress me out more (so glad I listened to her).
I made sure Joe got me there in plenty time. I was just anxious to get this over with. When they called my name I went in the back, they told me where to undress and what to put on. I walked into a big room after and it had 1 bed in the middle of this big room. A few machines were around that looked so expensive I couldn't imagine the millions of dollars it cost. As I laid on the bed, I noticed the ceiling had two missing lights and they were replaced with a beautiful palm tree with blue blue skies.
I thought perfect, I will just imagine Joe and I on a beach and enjoying a vacation. The nursed explained everything to me, then a hospital dr came in and did the same thing in more detail. (by this time I was getting a bit cold and ready to get this over with)
Just like a pap, just like a pap....I kept telling myself that.
Then things got uncomfortable then I thought I have to convince myself that this is all for my babies...think about how bad I want a family and to be a mom and make Joe so proud. This will all pay off because it is getting me the help I need.
I then remembered my friend telling me "it's quick, no time at all"
this wasn't going so quick. I just tried to keep my mind focus and do anything the dr needed me to.
After 20mins or so I could hear him mumble under his breath "so this could be the problem"
I knew right then, I have my answer I have been waiting for.
and now, I don't want it.
The dr took everything out and explained he could not do the procedure. I had some sort of blockage. I remember feeling shocked. I asked him if he would try some more. I just wanted this to work so bad. He kindly explained to me that is what he has been doing and nothing is working. He then told me this is what he does everyday, he would then make notes and send the images to my specialist. Then he walked out of the room and the nurse helped me to the bathroom to change.
I took my time and cried.
I changed and she insisted walking me back to the waiting room to meet with Joe. The room was packed by now and he was reading his book. I tapped him on the shoulder then booked it out the door. Just a few steps outside the hospital I started bawling. Trying to just tell Joe what happened to me. It's my fault....we have our answer...our plan isn't going to work anymore and we need a back up.
I spent the rest of the afternoon in bed, googling, crying, sleeping and frustrated.
my eyes are spent and my head is lacking air.
This hasn't been a good day at all.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
HSG
Written on : Aug. 9, 2011
Well, tomorrow (aug, 9) I'm having the HSG. Although this is not part of our official infertility part this is a work up to see whats going on up in me. I will have dye go up in me and x-rays taken to see how open things are going. It's a pretty quick procedure I hear, but a bit painful. I've had to take antibiotics for the past 2 days and continue after, and some pain meds tomorrow before I go in.
I'm not worried about it at all, but I did start thinking of what happens if they fine something they aren't suppose to. (all the test I've had done so far have come back fine, nothing wrong) what if now?
Well, tomorrow (aug, 9) I'm having the HSG. Although this is not part of our official infertility part this is a work up to see whats going on up in me. I will have dye go up in me and x-rays taken to see how open things are going. It's a pretty quick procedure I hear, but a bit painful. I've had to take antibiotics for the past 2 days and continue after, and some pain meds tomorrow before I go in.
I'm not worried about it at all, but I did start thinking of what happens if they fine something they aren't suppose to. (all the test I've had done so far have come back fine, nothing wrong) what if now?
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Blood work time
Written on : Aug. 26, 20111st step in our progress is blood work. Going in I didn't think I like getting my blood work, maybe its our situation, but I actually didn't mind at all. I even watched the guy take the tubes out and fill up another. He had about 5 tubes to fill up with my blood. I could see the blood pumping out and although I always thought I hated the sight of blood I was happy to be getting my blood work.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
1st visit with Dr. A
Written on Aug. 20, 2011
About a week ago I decided I was going to take a jump and see a infertility specialist. I had a friend recommend one of the best in the area and decided I wanted to make that happen.
Joe has been very supportive of me and doing whatever needs to be done to get our family. We have been so blessed to not have one single student loan (due to baseball scholarship) so we thought it won't hurt to not let the money issue scare us away. This is what we came here for, to have eternal families.
We were so lucky to get an appointment a week later, that is just unheard of in any medical field, so I believe it was fate.
For some reason the night before I woke up at 1:45am and had the worst cramps. I couldn't sleep, I was in pain and I didn't know why (this was in between my cycle, not implanting cramps or anything else I have read up on) after a few hours later and some bathroom trips with a mix up dry-heaving. I was able to get some sleep!
I was so exhausted when I woke up I wasn't even sure if I should go see dr. A.
As the day went on, I got more and more anxious to start this. I got all the paper work together, made even a binder. With all my past medical records and notes and my list of my cycles. I was ready.
Joe and I both said how nervous we were when we got off the elevator. It was the unknown to us. All the Dr. before him have just told me to go home and try again.
It was such a nice office with no one else rushing around. I felt such a piece and was so impressed that he took the whole hour with us. Talked to us, explained everything to us. We decided to start our plan. It was a sense of relief when we left.
I had a feeling coming over me that someday when I leave these doors I'll have a baby in my arms, and I am so grateful for that hope and reassurance.
About a week ago I decided I was going to take a jump and see a infertility specialist. I had a friend recommend one of the best in the area and decided I wanted to make that happen.
Joe has been very supportive of me and doing whatever needs to be done to get our family. We have been so blessed to not have one single student loan (due to baseball scholarship) so we thought it won't hurt to not let the money issue scare us away. This is what we came here for, to have eternal families.
We were so lucky to get an appointment a week later, that is just unheard of in any medical field, so I believe it was fate.
For some reason the night before I woke up at 1:45am and had the worst cramps. I couldn't sleep, I was in pain and I didn't know why (this was in between my cycle, not implanting cramps or anything else I have read up on) after a few hours later and some bathroom trips with a mix up dry-heaving. I was able to get some sleep!
I was so exhausted when I woke up I wasn't even sure if I should go see dr. A.
As the day went on, I got more and more anxious to start this. I got all the paper work together, made even a binder. With all my past medical records and notes and my list of my cycles. I was ready.
Joe and I both said how nervous we were when we got off the elevator. It was the unknown to us. All the Dr. before him have just told me to go home and try again.
It was such a nice office with no one else rushing around. I felt such a piece and was so impressed that he took the whole hour with us. Talked to us, explained everything to us. We decided to start our plan. It was a sense of relief when we left.
I had a feeling coming over me that someday when I leave these doors I'll have a baby in my arms, and I am so grateful for that hope and reassurance.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
In a slump
Hey friends,
Things have been crazy around here. I can not tell you how emotional draining this month has been for me. I'm still undergoing fertility treatments and doing the best I can.
It's a raining day here in CA and I feel like I'm not doing the best that I can. I still hear pregnancy announcements and even though I have worked so hard to feel so happy for these friends I can't help but feel so alone again. Inferitlity Sucks!
love,
Raining day aubrey
Things have been crazy around here. I can not tell you how emotional draining this month has been for me. I'm still undergoing fertility treatments and doing the best I can.
It's a raining day here in CA and I feel like I'm not doing the best that I can. I still hear pregnancy announcements and even though I have worked so hard to feel so happy for these friends I can't help but feel so alone again. Inferitlity Sucks!
love,
Raining day aubrey
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