Failed IUI round 3

Just when I had hope and was so positive, I woke up this morning and once I got out of bed and started getting dress to head into my blood test, I started my cycle!

Blah!

Starting a new round now, but this time I'm excited. My dr. likes to try 3 round of clomid and iui with trigger shot and u/s to monitor everything. Then if that doesn't work, (like us now) He does  3 more rounds of iui but this time we are using a newer drug, injectables. I don't know much about it but those that have done ivf do because it's the same medicine just a lower dose. Even though I though I was being closely monitored with all my previous IUI's I talked to the nurse and she told me what it will be like this time around and its crazy more! Like every other day ultrasounds and blood work then after half way its a daily ultrasound and blood work. 

I'm going crazy!!!

Tomorrow morning I go in for a blood test and as excited as I was this morning I have to write down my crazy day....so many ups and downs.
I really woke up thinking we've got this one in the bag. No more fertility drugs and no more waiting for baby #2. During Brinley's morning nap I went to the bathroom and thought I was starting my period. I was so angry and mad. I was going back to my giving up hope feelings. I just had it, I was not looking forward to any of the holidays anymore and I wanted to hide from everyone again.
I informed my hubby and mom, and lost hope.
As the day went on we stayed at home knowing I would starting a heavy period any hour and could be having bad cramps. During Brinley's 2nd nap I watched a good Hallmark Christmas movie. Hour after hour...I was just waiting. And every hour that past I gained more and more hope that maybe I was pregnant. Around dinner time I was feeling confident that I had implanting bleeding (like I did when I got pregnant with Brinley, the only pregnancy I've had). I read everything I could on google and came to realized either my period will come or by morning I'll be at the Dr.'s for a blood test and in 24 hours we will know for sure.
It still is a killer not knowing and I may fall hard back into frustration, but at least now I have hope again.

symptoms

Remember last cycle I posted about my headache and nausea symptoms here.
Well, I woke up this morning with the same thing...it started with a headache...one I thought I could handle. I just wanted to rest it off until Bryn woke up.
I got her up and feed her breakfast and it just kept getting worse and worse. Then I took a small dose of meds. with crackers (don't' mind that I tried some holiday M&M's and a slip of caffeine to see if that would do the trick first).
Then the nausea came on, and I grabbed a bowl and poor Bryn had to watch me throw up. blah, it was pretty awful.  My mom convinced me to take more meds and that did the trick.
By the time I put Bryn down for her 1st nap of the day I was feeling symptom free!
Thank goodness.

Progesterone levels round 3

I took my progesterone blood work this morning and not to my surprise it came back good, 22. ONE MORE WEEK until HCG blood work!!!! whoo hoo!

7 Days past IUI

I hate to guess symptoms and stuff, but I just have to say this morning I had major cramping. This is great news!!

round 3....IUI's

I don't know why but this time around I just don't feel like writing. Maybe, I don't have any new news to share. It's all been said and done before and by now I'm just sounding like a broken record with no outcome.
Well, we had 2 IUI's back to back this time and I'm just resting away. It the dreaded 2 Week Wait now.

Grow baby grow

Today we went in for the 1st ultrasound after clomid and they can tell a lot by this. My uterus lining looks great and I have 1 perfect follicle and another medium size and a few baby ones. Since 1 looks like its ready to ovulate they decided to give me the HCG shot  today and go back in tomorrow for the 1st IUI. I'm really excited because this was they way my body was handling it when I was able to get pregnant with Brinley so I'm  hoping we can achieve a pregnancy again!

The odd life of Timothy Green....*tears welcome*

I remember years ago seeing the promotions on TV and knowing one day I want to watch that, but I was not ready to see it back then.
Fast forward to this year my sister informs me she and a friend saw it and she thinks I would like it. So, last month I saw it on one of our movie channels and decided I'm not in the mood now, but I'll tape it now and hopefully one night when my husband is out lobster diving I can enjoy a good cry movie.
Let me just tell you, no matter where you are on this journey of infertility your heart aches....bad.
It was very touching and very real.
That moment you see them in the elevator coming out of the Dr's office that just said you have no chance at having your biological children and he heart ache you feel when you see another child with there parents. The worst is when that parent is not loving to that child at all.
I personally felt like I have and still see this often. Children are so bless and need to be loved and nurtured (as I feel like I'm preaching to the choir).
The best thing about having a kid is seeing your parents become Grandma and Grandpa (weather they like the title or not, they are that!)  This always melt my heart.
2 things that stand out to me in the movie is the extend "perfect" family and there music recital. When Timothy got up and shared his talent his parents jumped in and while everyone else in the room thought it was a big disaster and felt bad, they were having the time of there life jamming away.
So, We need to all quit worrying about what others think of your family and enjoy the memories and good times.
And the real message of the movie....NEVER give up!
So when you are ready and you need a good cry I really recommend this movie and how beautiful it shows the struggle through infertility and adoption.

forever.....

It seems like when I post a lot like last cycle the time goes by forever!!!! So, I'm keeping myself more busy and not thinking about it much.  I finished my clomid last week and I still get bad hot flashes! I'm looking forward going in for the 1st ultrasound to see what we are working with. Luckily its on a weekend so my hubby gets to come too!
Here's to another round.

A post without an update

I feel like my blog dropped off the face of the earth and became something I recorded down all things that have to do with trying to get pregnant. I forgot that I can feel and vent again.
Since starting up fertility treatments this time around I decided to un-follow most friends on Instagram and deactivate my facebook for the time being, and boy I'm thankful!!!! I haven't had to worry about someone talking about getting pregnant or having a baby thrown in my face everyday and it's made me a lot more happier this time around. I'm having real good conversations with people again and not worrying about trying to snap a photo of Brinley to show everyone what we are doing or brag about this or that. Lets be honest we all want our lives to look good (nothing wrong with that), but if that is effecting my emotions or makes me hate you more because of something you did that I can not...well....I want to lose Instagram and facebook and not our friendship.
I think my message is simple...live your live for you and don't try to prove anything.
and don't you worry....I plan on coming back to the fun IG and Facebook world as soon as these stubborn little follicle grow and stick and start producing a baby!!!

Here's to the saying...Thirds time a charm!

Round 3 of IUI
The first round for baby #2, I realized it was okay if it didn't work like the first time. That was normal...and we just got spoiled the first pregnancy.
round #2, I was sooo convinced that we were pregnant! Everything was looking great-perfect at each Dr. visit. Every ultrasound just looked like a nice dream.
I would be lying if I didn't say that week starting round 3 was the hardest. It was actually an out of body experience, because I did not feel or act like myself at all. I was negative and a bum on a log.
As I'm just about to finish off my clomid for round 3, my attitude has changed a bit...I am hopeful. I am believing. I am on a mission to raising more kids.
I
Can
Do
Hard
THINGS.