My Goal

I have been away from writing for a while now because I don't want to jinx it. I had a goal for a long time to just find happiness during my trial. I searched high and low to find how I can still be myself too. I struggled for a long time with this.
I feel like I started this blog to vent my angry. Every time someone announced they were pregnant I was a very unhappy person to be around. My poor husband took the  just of most of it.   For the majority of pregnant ladies out there I'm not comfortable being around or talking to because it always leads to babies, but I now have 2 friends who have struggled with me with infertility that are now pregnant. I love talking with them and supporting them.  I have felt like I have reached my goal.... being happy in my trial, and being myself again.
I don't know when the turning point was, I think it was a slow processes. I know coming closer to my Heavenly Father and relying on his help and strength has done a great difference. I had seen my friend struggle with her infertility for over 2 years and decided to blame God and put a wedge between her and her husband. I knew she needed more help than we could give each other. Thankfully she sought out professional help and some time ago started doing the things she knew she needed to do. She has gotten pregnant now and that is a whole, huge miracle by itself.

We had family in town last weekend and I was watching a new show "Quints by Surprise" and that's when my mom said that she thinks that is going to be her next trial in life. That I will do IVF and have many many multiples and she will be my helper. I had never thought about that before and don't know how our family will come to be, but whatever way we have our family....naturally, meds, drs. adoption... we will one day have a huge family and that is what I focus my goal on now. Become a person I need to be.
We are still hoping for our family here and doing all we can.