I am in such a better place these days and it's all because I have grieved and accepted that I may only have 1 child and I could be happy with that.
Of course, this is all much much easier said than done.
Now, I still have days where I wish with all my might I could be pregnant, but it's a work in progress. Still seeing my therapist and helping me focus on what I have been given is helping. For me, also my faith is my rock and foundation. I know their is a God and I know there is a plan for me, and every time I have a hard time I have to know that he hears my prayers and my cries to expand our family. I no longer have pregnancy guilt, and I actually have, yes this was really hard for me, but I have held babies in the last month and enjoyed it, instead of being bitter and angry. We are definitely working on other things in our life that we want and getting all of our medical bills paid off before we return to having a 2nd child, weather it will be through IVF, donor egg, or adoption.
It's been a long 18 months doing treatments almost every month but we have change and changed for the better. I have met some amazing friends and have a community around us that cheer us on. Thank you all for being a friend, a reader, and hoping to understand emotional trails that some have to deal with.
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
IUI
I havent blogged about this cycle for a lot of reasons, but now that I'm in the 2 week wait until that HCG blood test I have to write down my feelings.
We had the best numbers we have ever had in both follicle count and swimmers!! We are beyond grateful and hopeful. We have a ton of faith that if this works or doesn't we have done EVERYTHING we can and it's left up into God's hands.
I feel more at peace with this and grateful for the opportunity to be able to do this physically and emotionally. It is a everyday battle!
Life one of my good friends said, Infertility is an everyday battle.
With that said...I don't think I'm ready to write more in this blog for the time being. I don't know when I'll be back with an update, but I don't want to feel like it has to be in 2 weeks or 3 months. Thank you for all the Love and support!!!
xoxo
We had the best numbers we have ever had in both follicle count and swimmers!! We are beyond grateful and hopeful. We have a ton of faith that if this works or doesn't we have done EVERYTHING we can and it's left up into God's hands.
I feel more at peace with this and grateful for the opportunity to be able to do this physically and emotionally. It is a everyday battle!
Life one of my good friends said, Infertility is an everyday battle.
With that said...I don't think I'm ready to write more in this blog for the time being. I don't know when I'll be back with an update, but I don't want to feel like it has to be in 2 weeks or 3 months. Thank you for all the Love and support!!!
xoxo
Friday, October 3, 2014
True Life of going through multiple IVF's
The worst thing infertility women have to go through is when another "announce" their pregnancy. While everyone is dancing in one corner, we are breaking down crying thinking this is never going to happen to me.
It just sucks....
After a year off facebook, my therapist has been trying to help me be apart of the world again. (a year ago we started fertility treatments, AFTER we spent a year of trying to have another child, in this past year to help myself not get so emotional and upset every time someone announces a pregnancy on social media I went off, I also avoid hanging out with anyone that was going to pop up pregnant. I became a loner, just to avoid heartbreak).
It's been probably about a month since being off facebook and I felt like I have really learned how to be apart of normal activity again, until this week. I can not take it....so therefore I'm off all social media but my one blog I can vent.
with that sad,
infertility sucks....
and we are not pregnant
and I'm going to stay alone.
why is PGS is so important
This is our result paper.
Our two embryos that are boys, but have one less or one extra of a chromosome and will not be able to transfer.
Whats next?
It's been a long emotional week. We decided earlier this week though to get the 2 embryos we have frozen to be tested.
PGS testing is fairly new to most IVF clinics. It stands for Pre-Genetic Screening. They can take a biopsy from the embryo and look at the whole strand of DNA. They count the chromosomes and see if their is any genetic disorder. With doing this type of test you are making your transfer more successful.
Since my Dr was going to be gone with other fertility dr, I knew I couldn't do an egg retrieval, but I could still do an IUI. I started the shots at night Tuesday and am being closely monitored now for my IUI. I know this is a long shot, but knowing my infertility disease is unhealthy eggs, all it needs is one good one in the batch to create a pregnancy. So, I do have some hope that this could work again.
Monday, September 29, 2014
IVF # 3
Have you ever done IVF???
Have you ever been on a roller coaster- almost the same feeling
sometimes you are up, sometimes you are down and sometimes you throw up.
Today I was so excited to call the Dr. office to start my ultrasounds and stims. I called in the morning and waited to hear back from the nurse to schedule a time.
I was headed to acupuncture and right as she was putting in the needles the office called. I decided to just wait and call back after, no urgency was needed. Everything could wait.
I was wrong.
I got in my car and listen to her message. All I could hear in the message is "I'm sorry, you can't do another egg retrieval " I just froze and I thought, this must be a joke?!?! Was it April 1st? I made sure I was months before all the holidays. So why wasn't I am to do another egg retrieval this month??
My dr. looked at my previous charts and my eggs are so slow growing that usually it takes 2 weeks of stims but mine have always taken 3 weeks, which will fall right in the middle of his conference and all the other back up dr's too.
I just sat in my car and bawled my eyes out. How could I get sooo unlucky again? I already took a month off to prep my body for the meds and now your saying I have to wait another and then I might not be able to do the transfer until next year.
I was so down. I called my husband and I told him " I'm done" my body and emotions cant take this anymore. I am fine with living with the 1 perfect, adorable kid we have.
Tonight we talked it over together and thought of all our options. There is way to much to type up to describe what our thoughts process is, but we have come to decided what we are going to do now...
next up...my dr app tomorrow morning and talking with my dr about our new game plan.
tomorrow I will explain....
Have you ever been on a roller coaster- almost the same feeling
sometimes you are up, sometimes you are down and sometimes you throw up.
Today I was so excited to call the Dr. office to start my ultrasounds and stims. I called in the morning and waited to hear back from the nurse to schedule a time.
I was headed to acupuncture and right as she was putting in the needles the office called. I decided to just wait and call back after, no urgency was needed. Everything could wait.
I was wrong.
I got in my car and listen to her message. All I could hear in the message is "I'm sorry, you can't do another egg retrieval " I just froze and I thought, this must be a joke?!?! Was it April 1st? I made sure I was months before all the holidays. So why wasn't I am to do another egg retrieval this month??
My dr. looked at my previous charts and my eggs are so slow growing that usually it takes 2 weeks of stims but mine have always taken 3 weeks, which will fall right in the middle of his conference and all the other back up dr's too.
I just sat in my car and bawled my eyes out. How could I get sooo unlucky again? I already took a month off to prep my body for the meds and now your saying I have to wait another and then I might not be able to do the transfer until next year.
I was so down. I called my husband and I told him " I'm done" my body and emotions cant take this anymore. I am fine with living with the 1 perfect, adorable kid we have.
Tonight we talked it over together and thought of all our options. There is way to much to type up to describe what our thoughts process is, but we have come to decided what we are going to do now...
next up...my dr app tomorrow morning and talking with my dr about our new game plan.
tomorrow I will explain....
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Hard day
Today was a real hard day. To say my emotion are all over the place is an understatement.
My miracle two year old had the most meltdowns today with screams in the highest pitch. I wanted to scream back at her how much I hurt inside because I can not give her a brother or sister, how hard financial this is taking on her mom and dad. How we have to rely so much on my family right now for a house over our head so we can figure out how to pay for our next treatment. Or who is going to watch her while I drive 45 mins each way to the dr's/ acupuncture, and who can watch her while I'm getting therapy because sometimes, just sometimes I feel like a failure who is all alone. Infertility can make you feel all alone, and while some may say I would wish this all to go away next month and miraculously be pregnant, I don't.
I'm grateful for this trial! would I want to be done with all of this and hope that Christmas time rolls around and I'm pregnant- YES, but I have to live in reality and focus on what I do have and with Brinley and Joe they make me want to be better and a stronger person for the next person that I have to hear is going through the same struggles.
To all those that are feeling like you are alone, I pray for you tonight.
Saturday, August 23, 2014
6 days past Egg Retrieval
The last few days have been a lot easier.
Today was the last day the embryos could turn into a blast into the last stage before it is ready for a transfer.
Dr. Anderson called me this morning and was happy to report 2 of the embryo were biopsied this morning. So out of the 3 we had we have 2 good ones we will send to PGS testing.
But before we do that we have been thinking and praying what we should do next....
For the PGS testing you pay for 8 embryos to be tested, its a few thousands dollars even it you only have 2 to test. So we decided to do "batching"
What that means is we will do another round of IVF egg retrieval and hope to get any more embryos so we can send them out all together in Oct.
They will test them and come back to tell us which ones are normal.
Because my Dr. has told me both egg retrieval times that my egg look abnormal, I really want to make sure when we do a transfer that the embryo is normal to give a 85% higher chance for a pregnancy.
yes,
It's a lot of waiting and a lot of money more, since we have no insurance left to cover for IVF med.s that could be around 5,000. Hopefully, we still haven't hit our lifetime maximum for IVF procedure and that will still keep the cost low then if we had done this all out of pocket. Reason number 1, why we have been living at my parents for the last year!
I just want those friends starting this process to know they have lots of options when they read stuff out there.
So, for now Sep. will be a quite month as I take my mind off of infertility treatments all together!
Today was the last day the embryos could turn into a blast into the last stage before it is ready for a transfer.
Dr. Anderson called me this morning and was happy to report 2 of the embryo were biopsied this morning. So out of the 3 we had we have 2 good ones we will send to PGS testing.
But before we do that we have been thinking and praying what we should do next....
For the PGS testing you pay for 8 embryos to be tested, its a few thousands dollars even it you only have 2 to test. So we decided to do "batching"
What that means is we will do another round of IVF egg retrieval and hope to get any more embryos so we can send them out all together in Oct.
They will test them and come back to tell us which ones are normal.
Because my Dr. has told me both egg retrieval times that my egg look abnormal, I really want to make sure when we do a transfer that the embryo is normal to give a 85% higher chance for a pregnancy.
yes,
It's a lot of waiting and a lot of money more, since we have no insurance left to cover for IVF med.s that could be around 5,000. Hopefully, we still haven't hit our lifetime maximum for IVF procedure and that will still keep the cost low then if we had done this all out of pocket. Reason number 1, why we have been living at my parents for the last year!
I just want those friends starting this process to know they have lots of options when they read stuff out there.
So, for now Sep. will be a quite month as I take my mind off of infertility treatments all together!
Thursday, August 21, 2014
3 days past egg retrieval
It's been a hard last 2 days.
I've tried everything to distract me and that may have included going to Disneyland twice in one day.
I waited and checked my phone every min. yesterday waiting to hear the update on the embryos. By 4 o'clock I just knew the worst had to happen, we probably dont have any left, so my dr isn't bothering calling me.
I called his office and he was out, so they connected me to the lab to give me my results. I was sooo happy the embryologist (yes, the person who studies my embryos) was so helpful and had good news.
We have 1 shinning through!!! It's a grade A and has 8 cells already, it's our hopeful one and perfect. The other 2 are grade B and only have 4/5 cells so they aren't sure if they will make it to day 6 where it will become a blast (meaning they can transfer it). If the 2 don't keep dividing in cells it will appear as finished because it stopped growing and they can no longer do anything for it.
So right now, I know we have 1 good one.
They hard part is what do we do next.
We could easily go ahead with PGS testing and wait to see if it comes back a normal embryo and then do the transfer in Sep.
Orrrrr (we are most likely doing this one)
Freezing what embryos we have this saturday and taking a month off (Dr.'s orders) then doing ANOTHER (3rd's time a charm, right?) Egg Retrieval in Oct. and hoping we get more embryos to do the PGS testing then have the transfer schedule for Nov. then find out if all this really worked in Dec.
Have I told you yet, we started our treatments last Aug. and I never ever ever ever ever thought it would be taking us this long to have another baby.
Baby B was SERIOUSLY a miracle with our 1st treatment and IUI. I thank my Heavenly Father everyday to be her mom!
With all that said....we love all the prayers and support coming our way and I know they are helping so please remember us in the next few months still ahead we have.
Thankfully I have a great husband and family and soo grateful for a great therapist!!
I've tried everything to distract me and that may have included going to Disneyland twice in one day.
I waited and checked my phone every min. yesterday waiting to hear the update on the embryos. By 4 o'clock I just knew the worst had to happen, we probably dont have any left, so my dr isn't bothering calling me.
I called his office and he was out, so they connected me to the lab to give me my results. I was sooo happy the embryologist (yes, the person who studies my embryos) was so helpful and had good news.
We have 1 shinning through!!! It's a grade A and has 8 cells already, it's our hopeful one and perfect. The other 2 are grade B and only have 4/5 cells so they aren't sure if they will make it to day 6 where it will become a blast (meaning they can transfer it). If the 2 don't keep dividing in cells it will appear as finished because it stopped growing and they can no longer do anything for it.
So right now, I know we have 1 good one.
They hard part is what do we do next.
We could easily go ahead with PGS testing and wait to see if it comes back a normal embryo and then do the transfer in Sep.
Orrrrr (we are most likely doing this one)
Freezing what embryos we have this saturday and taking a month off (Dr.'s orders) then doing ANOTHER (3rd's time a charm, right?) Egg Retrieval in Oct. and hoping we get more embryos to do the PGS testing then have the transfer schedule for Nov. then find out if all this really worked in Dec.
Have I told you yet, we started our treatments last Aug. and I never ever ever ever ever thought it would be taking us this long to have another baby.
Baby B was SERIOUSLY a miracle with our 1st treatment and IUI. I thank my Heavenly Father everyday to be her mom!
With all that said....we love all the prayers and support coming our way and I know they are helping so please remember us in the next few months still ahead we have.
Thankfully I have a great husband and family and soo grateful for a great therapist!!
Monday, August 18, 2014
The first call
Our egg retrieval was yesterday and this afternoon I'm feeling much better. I've been resting in my bed since I got home yesterday and I really think sleeping more has helped my body heal faster.
The bad news...
Dr. Anderson called me and informed me once again we have a problem with my eggs. They were able to get 12 yesterday but they all looked not normal, They ended up doing ICSI which means they fertilize them by injecting one sperm into each egg.
Out of the 7 they did this too only 3 fertilized. Yes 3 is 2 more than we had last time but now I'm not counting on anything. I don't think this IVF is going to last much longer, we are just on day one and there are soooo many hurdles these 3 embies would have to overcome to even make it to a pregnancy.
Right now, I'm just not hopeful
I'm just numb
The bad news...
Dr. Anderson called me and informed me once again we have a problem with my eggs. They were able to get 12 yesterday but they all looked not normal, They ended up doing ICSI which means they fertilize them by injecting one sperm into each egg.
Out of the 7 they did this too only 3 fertilized. Yes 3 is 2 more than we had last time but now I'm not counting on anything. I don't think this IVF is going to last much longer, we are just on day one and there are soooo many hurdles these 3 embies would have to overcome to even make it to a pregnancy.
Right now, I'm just not hopeful
I'm just numb
Egg Retrieval procedure
After I woke up my husband came by my side, he told me Dr. Anderson retrieved 12 eggs and they were all going under to be fertilize. They will call me the next day to fill me in on the report.
I went home and slept for 4 more hours. I'm gonna stay in bed until tomorrow night to relax and feel better again.
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Egg Retrieval schedule
I'm so excited when my Dr. called me this afternoon,
oh wait, no the surgery center called me first.
Ha
They told me they have me down for an egg retrieval on Sunday, I told them that was funny because they jumped the gun on my Dr.
obviously he set this all up and they did confirm that he confirmed it all, it was just funny finding out all the details first from them. I can't blame my Dr. though, he is a very very busy Dr. with a TON of hormonal women needing hisattention medical skills.
The surgery center also told me I was the only one coming in that day, sooo special, everyone better be alert and ready. I have to wake up at 5am, leave at 6am, hubby drop off his sample and get in the surgery center by 6:45, I do under at 7:45.
I.Can.Not.Wait
Tons of tons of HOPE!
oh wait, no the surgery center called me first.
Ha
They told me they have me down for an egg retrieval on Sunday, I told them that was funny because they jumped the gun on my Dr.
obviously he set this all up and they did confirm that he confirmed it all, it was just funny finding out all the details first from them. I can't blame my Dr. though, he is a very very busy Dr. with a TON of hormonal women needing his
The surgery center also told me I was the only one coming in that day, sooo special, everyone better be alert and ready. I have to wake up at 5am, leave at 6am, hubby drop off his sample and get in the surgery center by 6:45, I do under at 7:45.
I.Can.Not.Wait
Tons of tons of HOPE!
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Meditation
my therapist gave me some great meditation advice, because I feel like I'm very specific in why I'm doing all this (for my IVF cycle) I started googling infertility mediation and came across
of their facebook page is CircleBloom Facebook
This is the only meditation out there that is specific for IUI/IVF and they have many different programs to pick from. I started doing the meditation IUI/IVF cycle and can really tell a difference. I plan on buying the other programs they have for FET, and giving birth.
Also my therapist told me about Oprah and the mediation she started with Deepak. Just this past monday they started a 21 days program on "Expanding your Happiness"
I think this cycle has been different from the first with all these great changes I have made.
of their facebook page is CircleBloom Facebook
This is the only meditation out there that is specific for IUI/IVF and they have many different programs to pick from. I started doing the meditation IUI/IVF cycle and can really tell a difference. I plan on buying the other programs they have for FET, and giving birth.
Also my therapist told me about Oprah and the mediation she started with Deepak. Just this past monday they started a 21 days program on "Expanding your Happiness"
I think this cycle has been different from the first with all these great changes I have made.
Insurances with Infertility
I just added to my blog my email address because I want to be able to answer or help anyone who felt as lost as I did in the beginning of this journey.
You can always e-mail me at Aubs03@gmail.com
When we 1st started treatments in 2011 we had nothing, we borrowed up front money from my parents to start IUI, and shocked when it worked the first treatment.
In 2013 we started treatments again for baby #2, but this time my husband had a new job with Fidelity Investments and as a company they have infertility insurance in California under United Health Care. I know each state can be different and each insurance company has a ton of different plans but if you find a company that will provide infertility coverage, never ever leave. It's rare. I found it rare that ours covered IVF, and PGS and had a separate lifetime maximum for fertility drugs and procedures.
How can you help afford infertility treatments?
Here's a few links to help you...at Fertilitythoughts.com
Here's a great form with companies that have infertility assistant.
Clinic promotions, clinical trials and ivf discounts.
You can always e-mail me at Aubs03@gmail.com
About Insurances with infertility coverage and IVF coverage with medicine.
Let's just say it....its rare to find any insurance company that is going to pay a dime for what we have to go through.When we 1st started treatments in 2011 we had nothing, we borrowed up front money from my parents to start IUI, and shocked when it worked the first treatment.
In 2013 we started treatments again for baby #2, but this time my husband had a new job with Fidelity Investments and as a company they have infertility insurance in California under United Health Care. I know each state can be different and each insurance company has a ton of different plans but if you find a company that will provide infertility coverage, never ever leave. It's rare. I found it rare that ours covered IVF, and PGS and had a separate lifetime maximum for fertility drugs and procedures.
How can you help afford infertility treatments?
Here's a few links to help you...at Fertilitythoughts.com
Here's a great form with companies that have infertility assistant.
Clinic promotions, clinical trials and ivf discounts.
Ultrasound appt 9
The ultrasound show a few more mature follicles, yes we are up to 14 on the ultrasound. Not the same number that they always retrieve, but the higher the number the better chances of more eggs we have. I really thought this would be it, but I just got my call from Dr. Anderson and he says we are going to give follistim and menapour 1 more night!
We did see smaller ones that could defiantly grow. I'm excited to do one more night too since I have about 1 more night of medicine and I want as many as we can get. It just seems like a FOREVER stimming processes. Even Dr. Anderson said today I was a slow grower but that doesn't effect the outcome. Here's to one more night of follisitm shots then onto trigger and more when we do FET next month.
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
appointment 4,5,6, 7, & 8
I have not been doing a good job at all writing down on the blog about my appointments. I have moved most of my focus this IVF to another form of support I have a separate Instagram account, BecomingRichardsonFam. I have kept only friend on there that are going through infertility right now, which has built in a great support system of women all around the world (some down under and some in the UK) that are going through IVF right now or just did or waiting for there turn.
I've been able to post more and everyone is more aware of the infertility lingo.
The last few appointment I was a little down just wishing I was ready for retrieval right now. Now, that I soooo close to the end I can not wait to see how many more pop up! We are at 12 mature follicle as of today.
I'm so great for a great cycle right now and all of the love and support and many prayers people have offered for us at this time. I want to continue to be a great support for everyone that is continuing there journey to pregnancy.
I've been able to post more and everyone is more aware of the infertility lingo.
The last few appointment I was a little down just wishing I was ready for retrieval right now. Now, that I soooo close to the end I can not wait to see how many more pop up! We are at 12 mature follicle as of today.
I'm so great for a great cycle right now and all of the love and support and many prayers people have offered for us at this time. I want to continue to be a great support for everyone that is continuing there journey to pregnancy.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
appt. # 2 & 3
Nothing new to report...My follicle are not growing as fast as I would hope. Which means longer on the hormones injections and time to give these follicle.
Baseline appt.
I'm on top of the world!
HEY!
I had my baseline appointment last Thursday morning with my blood work and ultrasound. I wasn't nervous because I didn't think they could tell anything much, but I guess during the ultrasound Dr. Anderson could count up to 19 follicle that could possible produce an egg, and I haven't even started my shot (hormones yet!)
I was just so excited nothing else in my world felt like it could go wrong.
A few days later my pharmacy called me and informed me we have hit out maximum lifetime for infertility medication!!
I had no idea we were even close. After all our maximum is $15,000. So you can just imagine how much these drugs really cost!!!
There is a reason they call is fertility gold....because it cost more than gold itself!!
I was just so excited nothing else in my world felt like it could go wrong.
A few days later my pharmacy called me and informed me we have hit out maximum lifetime for infertility medication!!
I had no idea we were even close. After all our maximum is $15,000. So you can just imagine how much these drugs really cost!!!
There is a reason they call is fertility gold....because it cost more than gold itself!!
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
infertility counseling
Last month I finally books my therapist session. I chose one close by my house and she claimed on her website she dealt with infertility. needless to say I spent a good amount of the time just trying to explain to her how IVF works. I left feeling bummed and got home to set out to find another one, that really specialized in infertility.
Just 30 mins later under my insurance page I found one that had group therapy for infertility. I called her, Dr. Kristina Brosius-Rodriguez right away to sign up but she was no longer having the classes. I was so bummed at first until we started talking and found out she herself had been through failed rounds of IUI/and IVF's and knew a lot of what I was feeling at this time.
I was lucky enough to grab a regular Wednesday spot for the next week. I didn't know why I needed to go other than IVF is hard and having someone to talk to you and give you pointers how to keep calm is someone I needed.
Our first visit was great. I felt comfortable and relax and so happy she knew the lingo.
I am now an educator on why IVF patience can benefit from a weekly therapy session. We talked about meditation and she gave me a recommendation for one she liked that Oprah does! Every once a while they start a new meditation group online, you sign up for free and you get emails and download the meditation.
Starting Aug. 11, 2014 a new one will start called, expanding your happiness, now who couldn't use that help???
Check it all out at Meditation Experience
Just 30 mins later under my insurance page I found one that had group therapy for infertility. I called her, Dr. Kristina Brosius-Rodriguez right away to sign up but she was no longer having the classes. I was so bummed at first until we started talking and found out she herself had been through failed rounds of IUI/and IVF's and knew a lot of what I was feeling at this time.
I was lucky enough to grab a regular Wednesday spot for the next week. I didn't know why I needed to go other than IVF is hard and having someone to talk to you and give you pointers how to keep calm is someone I needed.
Our first visit was great. I felt comfortable and relax and so happy she knew the lingo.
I am now an educator on why IVF patience can benefit from a weekly therapy session. We talked about meditation and she gave me a recommendation for one she liked that Oprah does! Every once a while they start a new meditation group online, you sign up for free and you get emails and download the meditation.
Starting Aug. 11, 2014 a new one will start called, expanding your happiness, now who couldn't use that help???
Check it all out at Meditation Experience
all ready for round 2 IVF
Last IVF 2 months ago was such an emotional roller coaster. I was sinking into depression and wasn't sure I would even want to blog again about round 2.
1. nutritionist
2. acupuncturist
3.therapist
4. meditation
5. great fertility specialist Dr. Anderson
I feel like I am going all out for this cycle, and even though a lot of these stuff takes a few months to have effect on a healthy IVF cycle I need to do all I can.
Today marks the start of IVF, and I have been counting down the day to start and get things going again. Everything is so timed so when I found out I would be missing my brothers up coming wedding because I'll be seeing my Dr. for blood work and ultrasounds everyday next week I was bummed. I talked with him and we have a good understanding and love for each other.
Today I feel hopefully, excited, bit tired and happy!!!
So, what made me decided to type all this again?
I'm so happy and confident working with1. nutritionist
2. acupuncturist
3.therapist
4. meditation
5. great fertility specialist Dr. Anderson
I feel like I am going all out for this cycle, and even though a lot of these stuff takes a few months to have effect on a healthy IVF cycle I need to do all I can.
Today marks the start of IVF, and I have been counting down the day to start and get things going again. Everything is so timed so when I found out I would be missing my brothers up coming wedding because I'll be seeing my Dr. for blood work and ultrasounds everyday next week I was bummed. I talked with him and we have a good understanding and love for each other.
Today I feel hopefully, excited, bit tired and happy!!!
Monday, July 28, 2014
We are not alone
Jaime King Opens Up About Infertility and Five Miscarriages: I Have to Be Brave to Support Others
Jaime King
JUSTIN CAMPBELL/STARTRAKS
UPDATED 07/27/2014 at 09:00 AM EDT
•ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED07/27/2014 09:00AM
After welcoming her first child, son James Knight last October, actress Jaime King has opened up about the struggles she faced during her painful pregnancy and childbirth.
"For all the struggling women & moms out there that think they are alone – This is the truth about conceiving my son and struggles after. 8 yrs of pain and undiagnosed PCOS & Endometriosis," she posted on Instagram on Friday (the post has since been taken down).
"9 doctors until Dr. Randy Harris diagnosed me & saved my life from a severe ectopic, 5 miscarriages, 5 rounds of IVF, 26 IUI's, most with no outcome, 4½ years of trying to conceive, 26 hours of brutal labor, early delivery b/c of sudden preeclampsia, tearing and tearing after the stitches were in once I was home, milk supply issues, painful mastitis, uncontrollable crying while breast feeding, worked until the day before I [gave] birth and went back after 6 weeks after because I was afraid of letting others down."
King, 35, told ABC News in May that it had taken her a long time to get pregnant, but the Hart of Dixie actress felt compelled to share more details of her story to support women who are dealing with the same struggles.
"#youarenotalone," she wrote in her post along with two more hashtags that read "#ihavetobebravetosupportothers" and "#realtalkthatterrifiesus"
"For all the struggling women & moms out there that think they are alone – This is the truth about conceiving my son and struggles after. 8 yrs of pain and undiagnosed PCOS & Endometriosis," she posted on Instagram on Friday (the post has since been taken down).
"9 doctors until Dr. Randy Harris diagnosed me & saved my life from a severe ectopic, 5 miscarriages, 5 rounds of IVF, 26 IUI's, most with no outcome, 4½ years of trying to conceive, 26 hours of brutal labor, early delivery b/c of sudden preeclampsia, tearing and tearing after the stitches were in once I was home, milk supply issues, painful mastitis, uncontrollable crying while breast feeding, worked until the day before I [gave] birth and went back after 6 weeks after because I was afraid of letting others down."
King, 35, told ABC News in May that it had taken her a long time to get pregnant, but the Hart of Dixie actress felt compelled to share more details of her story to support women who are dealing with the same struggles.
"#youarenotalone," she wrote in her post along with two more hashtags that read "#ihavetobebravetosupportothers" and "#realtalkthatterrifiesus"
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Nutritionist
If you ask my husband about my diet he would say I was not a healthy eater. I feel like I eat better or change my diet when I have that wash jeans feeling, you know the one when you just put your jeans on right after they have been washed and dried. You do some squats to stretch them out and grab just an apple for breakfast.
I have the personality that I tend to listen to a person by there ranking. Sad to say but even my best friend could make me change my mind even if it the exact same thing my husband has been saying a million different ways a million times. With this said back in March I decided I was ready to cut out all sodas for health reasons. I found myself haven't a hard time completely kicking the habit, so I knew if I talked to my ER dr I would listen to whatever he would say. So when I went in and asked him how bad soda is for me going through all my treatments, he laugh a little like I was crazy for even asking him such a silly question and said that stuff has nothing good in it for you.
So just like that I have quit it, easy too.
So I knew meeting with a nutritionist would help me a lot too. Also my aunt got me a book called The Kind Mama, by alicia silverstone. While the book has caused some controversial, I feel like there is a bit of good education for me in there. It helps teach me what foods are good for going through IVF. I like to stay in the middle....but you can find a little green in me (I still cloth diaper). I would say I like to stay in the middle of the whole spectrum. I don't believe that you can cure all with just what you eat.
So my nutritionist talked about my diet and we decided while it wouldn't be best to over night make a change, I could week by week.
It's been almost a month now and I have been feeling great! I had some pizza, and hot dog here and there but nothing like I used to. My weight has stayed the same (maybe a pound lighter depending on the day).
Here are something and why my nutritionist asked me to skip on or add to help our IVF cycle.
1. MORE lefty green
2. Raw nuts
3. Keep your body warm and avoid or minimize cold foods and drinks.
4. switch from using antiperspirant to a deodorant that does not contain aluminum chloride.
5. Body lotion- switch to coconut or sunflower oil. face lotion should be 100% aloe.
6. Avoid using products that contain sulfates or parabens. These chemicals are commonly found in beauty products, such as soap, shampoo, lotion, sunscreen.
7. choose naturally sourced cleaning products.
8. swithc to a fluoride free toothpaste.
9. Begin to find supportive ways to reduce your daily stressors. (meditation)
The things I was already doing that they said to cut out, no soda or caffeine. I don't drink but alcohol is bad when doing IVF.
Process food is the number 1 thing to cut out of your diet when trying to retrieve better eggs for IVF. So, I am doing my best and I feel like its making a difference.
There was one more thing I wanted to add into my life before our IVF cycle and that was to meet with an infertility counselor once a week. I'll follow up a post about how I found one and how it is going so far.
So my nutritionist talked about my diet and we decided while it wouldn't be best to over night make a change, I could week by week.
It's been almost a month now and I have been feeling great! I had some pizza, and hot dog here and there but nothing like I used to. My weight has stayed the same (maybe a pound lighter depending on the day).
Here are something and why my nutritionist asked me to skip on or add to help our IVF cycle.
1. MORE lefty green
2. Raw nuts
3. Keep your body warm and avoid or minimize cold foods and drinks.
4. switch from using antiperspirant to a deodorant that does not contain aluminum chloride.
5. Body lotion- switch to coconut or sunflower oil. face lotion should be 100% aloe.
6. Avoid using products that contain sulfates or parabens. These chemicals are commonly found in beauty products, such as soap, shampoo, lotion, sunscreen.
7. choose naturally sourced cleaning products.
8. swithc to a fluoride free toothpaste.
9. Begin to find supportive ways to reduce your daily stressors. (meditation)
The things I was already doing that they said to cut out, no soda or caffeine. I don't drink but alcohol is bad when doing IVF.
Process food is the number 1 thing to cut out of your diet when trying to retrieve better eggs for IVF. So, I am doing my best and I feel like its making a difference.
There was one more thing I wanted to add into my life before our IVF cycle and that was to meet with an infertility counselor once a week. I'll follow up a post about how I found one and how it is going so far.
Monday, July 14, 2014
Today show Savannah Guthrie sends love and prayers
Infertility is all around. I feel like the more and more I speak openly about this topic the more I feel so many others are starting the same journey.
I saw my aunt and uncle post this article from the Today Show and I wanted to post it up on my blog since its so great to read.
Savannah's Maternity Musings
I saw my aunt and uncle post this article from the Today Show and I wanted to post it up on my blog since its so great to read.
Savannah's Maternity Musings
Savannah Guthrie: 'Love and prayers' to those dealing with infertility
I recently read (and posted on Facebook) my friend Bobbie Thomas' honest, funny and touching essay about going through IVF. I am always impressed by Bobbie, but in this case, even more so. She is amazingly strong — not just to go through the insanely arduous IVF process, but also to share it and to take the arrows that sometimes come with going through life's ups and downs on national television.
She even coined a hashtag to capture her message in social media parlance: #nomorewhispers. And that's the spirit in which I write this week.
Bobbie raised something so important that I've thought a lot about, given my current circumstances. I've been so overwhelmed and blown away by the kindness, heartfelt joy and good wishes for me as I've gone through this pregnancy journey in front of the whole world — or at least our TODAY audience.
But one thing I've thought a lot about, and worried about, too, is how one person's joy can be painful to another person going through their own struggles. This is something I understand personally, and something those struggling with fertility have to deal with every day — whether they are turning on their television or going to work or just hanging out with friends.
Samantha Okazaki/TODAY
Ah, those little baby onesies -- so cute, but even something innocent and sweet can be a hard reminder when you are struggling with infertility.
A poster on my Facebook page recently shared her experience. She was really candid about how difficult it was to see her friends getting pregnant and having babies, and having to attend baby showers and coo over new kids, while she herself was struggling to start a family. On top of that, she felt guilty for feeling that way. I think we can all relate to that: feeling bad because we feel bad.
(By the way, Facebook is the place everyone posts their pictures of smiling kids or joyous engagements or exciting new adventures. This is wonderful and as it should be, but it can be excruciating if you are struggling and wishing for some of those experiences for yourself to no avail.)
I can remember many difficult times in my personal life when even just turning on the TV could be painful — everyone seemed to have it together and I felt totally alienated by the happy, well-adjusted people on TV who didn't seem to struggle.
So, in the spirit of Bobbie's candor and courage, I just want to send love and prayers to all those who are going through difficulties of their own. What I wrote back to the young woman on Facebook is what I truly believe: be compassionate to yourself. What you're going through is one of life's most difficult challenges. Things will get better, but in this moment just do the best you can, and be sure to be as gentle and kind to yourself as you are with others.
Monday, June 30, 2014
Acupuncture
After having such a hard 1st IVF then it failing really made me think, is there something else I could be doing to help out my body more. Infertility makes you feel like you have NO CONTROL over your body and able to grow a family and feel like a women. So looking and talking with my Dr. I have shared with you guys before I would be adding acupuncture, nutritionist, and therapist that all specialize in infertility.
So first thing first, I had to research and ask a ton of family and friends of any referrals. Since we have great coverage of acupuncture I went through to see who was in-network first under our insurance.
So first thing first, I had to research and ask a ton of family and friends of any referrals. Since we have great coverage of acupuncture I went through to see who was in-network first under our insurance.
Like you would expect everyone had a Chinese name and specialized in infertility but also 40+ things.
On the second day of research I came across , Megan Joyce, licensed acupuncturist.
I had a good feeling about her and the fact that she specialized in women health including infertility was huge for me. I love that she had 1.5-2 hours booked for your first appointment to go over every single thing.
So I went in this morning for my first try ever of acupuncture. (back in June 2014)
Her office was so nice, clean and modern. I felt so calm and relax there too. We spent the first 1.5 hours going over my medical history and what I had concerns about. The last 30mins was the acupuncture time. I didn't feel a thing and had such a nice nap. I made sure to schedule my next appt. in the afternoon so I could really nap and relax.
I'll be going back in weekly now and really feel like this will help the blood flow which will help egg growth.
2 Months later:
I was going once a week to see megan untl my egg retrieval month came and I was in there seeing her 3 times a week. I started listening to my IVF meditation, Circle and Bloom. These sessions were not as relaxing as the first month. She had me hooked up to a simulator and it didn't hurt it just didn't feel like a good nap time.
2 Months later:
I was going once a week to see megan untl my egg retrieval month came and I was in there seeing her 3 times a week. I started listening to my IVF meditation, Circle and Bloom. These sessions were not as relaxing as the first month. She had me hooked up to a simulator and it didn't hurt it just didn't feel like a good nap time.
Now, that I have decided to do egg retrieval 3 I wish my insurance would cover more. I want to be able to go as much as possible without breaking the bank. I know it really helped me and I know having her help me change my diet to eat things that will help my egg growth is so helpful.
I do believe in acupuncture and I love it.
I do believe in acupuncture and I love it.
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Back to square 1- Failed IVF
When I didn't hear from my Dr yesterday I thought something must be wrong. I knew I had my post-Op apt this morning and I would talk to him then about everything and go from there.
When he walked in the room he informed me right away that the embryo had stopped growing and we would no longer be able to freeze it.
I felt like I knew this was coming so I didn't take it hard. We talked about our new plan and I was required to take a month off. Even though my body feels back to normal again, we did an ultrasound and he showed me that my ovaries were still double the size and I needed to make sure I wasn't doing any activity or working out.
When he walked in the room he informed me right away that the embryo had stopped growing and we would no longer be able to freeze it.
I felt like I knew this was coming so I didn't take it hard. We talked about our new plan and I was required to take a month off. Even though my body feels back to normal again, we did an ultrasound and he showed me that my ovaries were still double the size and I needed to make sure I wasn't doing any activity or working out.
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Waiting for it to grow
Yesterday turned into the longest day ever! It was great news on Sunday we had 1, but it means nothing if after 2 days the cells are not growing. So I knew today would tell us that information.
My dr has always called anytime after noon so I my phone charge and on me with the loudest ring so I wouldn't miss it. Time slowly crept along. I put brinley down for a nap and just waited and waited. I was actually having a good time researching out the best acupuncturist for me, and I found her and made an appt for next Monday.
Side note- acuptucture during IVF can really help tr blood flow to help more eggs and follicle grow. So we've decided to add it in.
We have also decided weather this 1 embryo was good or not we would freeze it if good and take a month off then do another round of egg retrieval. My dr calls this batching and for us it's the best thing we can do right now.
So with that said I didn't think I was nervous for his call. I felt like I had a good idea of how the next 3-4 months will continue to go. When it was 2 I clock I started having more anxiety and why he hasn't called yet. By 2:45 I have thought of the worst so I called his office and left him a message to call me back.
It wasn't until almost 4 that he called back and quickly said the embryo is growing and would call me again tomorrow.
Great news!!! We are thrilled that not all my eggs are old and bad. It gives us another chance to get more good ones next round. Thank you all for your text and phone calls and email help!! I do not know how people can do this alone. It takes a village to go through IVF!!
Sunday, June 22, 2014
ONE
Anyone who has been through this process knows you don't know how many embryos you have until right before you are ready for the transfer. So when the Dr told me at my Egg Retrieval I knew the numbers were just going to go down from there. They fertilized 4, and today we found out we only have 1. I can go on and on how much I cried and how much I felt like this is over, but I have to stay positive and hope and pray for this one embryo. I know when we had Brinley she beat a lot of odds, even from the very beginning my dr called and said my blood work with her said I was pregnant, but it was so low that I would probably miscarry. Yet, she didn't..she fought and she stayed. So I need to find that faith and hope again for this embryo.
For now I will wait until Tuesday and we will have a few decisions to make then.
For now I will wait until Tuesday and we will have a few decisions to make then.
Saturday, June 21, 2014
Hope
To say I was a hot mess yesterday is a understatement.
I called two of my closest friends that have both been through IVF and asked them about what I was going through and if they had heard anything like this before. They both said I had every right to freak out but in the same breath give it another day or two before I think all is lost.
I kept distracted all day today and decided to wait until my dr said, and that he would call me Sunday to let me know how many have made it to the next step. This is making me feel more confident. We still have a journey till we even implant it then after too. So fun to wait and wait
Friday, June 20, 2014
possible failed ICSI Fertilization
While the first day after your Egg Retrieval is usually the happiest filled with hope and wonder how many of your egg fertilize.
I was simply one of the unlucky ones that didn't have my eggs make it to fertilization.
While I was waiting all morning for my Dr to call with the results, I knew the longer and longer the wait, the worst of the news. While I was getting our 2 year old out of the pool and ready for nap, my Dr. called and I didn't even hear to the phone.
In the nicest way possible he left a message letting me know that yes they were able to get 6 eggs, and after waiting the 6-8 hours to see how many are mature. By then, only 4 had made it and they performed the ICSI (they take one sign sperm and inject it into an egg, making it impossible to not just fertilize, unless your me I guess) So with 4 being injected they have to sit and wait until the next morning to see the signs that it had fertilized. I guess they were just waiting it out trying to see if anyone of them would and not a sign that one had fertilized. On his message he did say he would check back in Sunday because maybe it could still happen, that we still had hope, but I think he was just saying that maybe there is a 1% chance of that happening.
I guess I can only hold my breath until Sunday now.
My husband called back and the nurse said she would check the lab tomorrow and give us a call Saturday to see if there is any hope.
I was simply one of the unlucky ones that didn't have my eggs make it to fertilization.
While I was waiting all morning for my Dr to call with the results, I knew the longer and longer the wait, the worst of the news. While I was getting our 2 year old out of the pool and ready for nap, my Dr. called and I didn't even hear to the phone.
In the nicest way possible he left a message letting me know that yes they were able to get 6 eggs, and after waiting the 6-8 hours to see how many are mature. By then, only 4 had made it and they performed the ICSI (they take one sign sperm and inject it into an egg, making it impossible to not just fertilize, unless your me I guess) So with 4 being injected they have to sit and wait until the next morning to see the signs that it had fertilized. I guess they were just waiting it out trying to see if anyone of them would and not a sign that one had fertilized. On his message he did say he would check back in Sunday because maybe it could still happen, that we still had hope, but I think he was just saying that maybe there is a 1% chance of that happening.
I guess I can only hold my breath until Sunday now.
My husband called back and the nurse said she would check the lab tomorrow and give us a call Saturday to see if there is any hope.
Egg Retrieval Day
It's was a great morning. We got to sleep in have some pillow talk with ms brinley in our bed.
Here we are right before they are wheeling me in. After they gave me the good drugs to relax me and then when I went in the room they put me out before I could remember a thing.
When I woke up from recovery I remember looking at a clock. A few days earlier I remember them telling me that I would have until about noon to wake up and so I was watching the clock because I just wanted to lay there and sleep.
By the time noon came around I was fully awake and knew they would sent me on my way. We got in the car and came home. When I got home I went right back to sleep and rested the rest of the afternoon.
Earlier in the day (when I was fasting) I was dreaming about sushi, so I told Joe if I feel up to it I wanted to go out for Sushi that night.
He got Brinley in bed for me at 7pm and we were out for dinner by 7:30. I stayed out way to late, but it was worth all you can eat sushi!!!
It was a good, easy day for an egg retrieval.
Call me crazy but I had time it all out.
It was a good morning, everything got done perfectly and I had a great time relaxing at the surgery center.
It's hard not to have a good time when you are getting perfect pictures of your daughter back at home like this....
Here we are right before they are wheeling me in. After they gave me the good drugs to relax me and then when I went in the room they put me out before I could remember a thing.
When I woke up from recovery I remember looking at a clock. A few days earlier I remember them telling me that I would have until about noon to wake up and so I was watching the clock because I just wanted to lay there and sleep.
By the time noon came around I was fully awake and knew they would sent me on my way. We got in the car and came home. When I got home I went right back to sleep and rested the rest of the afternoon.
Earlier in the day (when I was fasting) I was dreaming about sushi, so I told Joe if I feel up to it I wanted to go out for Sushi that night.
He got Brinley in bed for me at 7pm and we were out for dinner by 7:30. I stayed out way to late, but it was worth all you can eat sushi!!!
It was a good, easy day for an egg retrieval.
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Pre-Op, IVF appointment # whatever
Today was the worst day of them all.
I woke up to the worst migraine and I had to get to the drs early. I didn't know how I was going to make it, but I thought if I start moving and get my routin I would be okay.
I woke up to the worst migraine and I had to get to the drs early. I didn't know how I was going to make it, but I thought if I start moving and get my routin I would be okay.
I grabbed a water and chocolate protien shake and started driving. I was also running late because I was trying to sleep in longer to make my migraine go away.
As I drove I made myself more and more car sick. As I pulled into the parking lot, grabbed my parking ticket and knew I needed to throw up. I hurried and pulled into the handcap parking spot, got out and ran over to the bushes and threw up my chocolate drink. The worst was getting all over my white shoes and pants. I was so disgusted.
Thankful for baby wipes I cleaned up best I could and headed up to the drs.
This time they only did blood work and talk to me about my pre op procedure for the next day.
We finished everything up, and although I wasn't feeling nausea at the time, I still wasn't feeling great.
I started driving back home and just a few stop lights in I felt sick again. This time I was the first car stopped at a red in a huge intersection ( crown valley and margarite).
I had no choice but to open my door and vomit outside. I was so afraid the light would turn green and I'd still be throwing up. Luckily it was a long light and as I started driving again I knew I had to pull over. I finished throwing up all my breakfast and made it home. Crawled in bed and slept the rest of the day.
Thank heavens I made it through that day, and hope tomorrow is better.
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
IVF appointment #10
CD- 18!
Wow I can't believe my poor responding ovaries took this long to get the size we need. My dr came to conclusion today that we are ready to schedule my egg retrieval! Whoo! Tonight at exactly 11:30 my husband will give me my HCG shot that will make me ovulate in exactly 36 hours and my ER will be exactly 34 hours so we can hope to get the most mature eggs. Fingers cross
Monday, June 16, 2014
IVF appointment #9
This will never end.....
Today's ultrasound was showing a lot more hope. I was so happy and chatty that I didn't want to keep track of the follicles and sizes. I did notice the 2 Huge follicle on my right side and talked to my Dr. about it later. To sum it up he told me my body is finally responding better and he doesn't care to go under to grab those 2 because he has often found huge follicles can have no egg in them, so our focus is on the other ones that are almost mature and the ones that are already.
So again...we are going on 2 weeks of follistim (IVF drugs). I have been moody, but soo soo grateful we are able to do IVF and I just hope the best for the egg retrieval later this week.
Today's ultrasound was showing a lot more hope. I was so happy and chatty that I didn't want to keep track of the follicles and sizes. I did notice the 2 Huge follicle on my right side and talked to my Dr. about it later. To sum it up he told me my body is finally responding better and he doesn't care to go under to grab those 2 because he has often found huge follicles can have no egg in them, so our focus is on the other ones that are almost mature and the ones that are already.
So again...we are going on 2 weeks of follistim (IVF drugs). I have been moody, but soo soo grateful we are able to do IVF and I just hope the best for the egg retrieval later this week.
IVF appointment #8
Today was a very hard day.
There was not much progress and to me it even seem like some we're not growing at all. I was bummed about of a lot of things going on and not to mention moody, very very moody.
Thanks IVF
Hope to get all my babies soon!
There was not much progress and to me it even seem like some we're not growing at all. I was bummed about of a lot of things going on and not to mention moody, very very moody.
Thanks IVF
Hope to get all my babies soon!
Saturday, June 14, 2014
IVF appointment #7
We were out camping last night with the extended family and I woke up early to be able to drive to the Dr's other location that is open on weekends.
I got my blood work done, and instructions how to measure out my HCG shot and give it.
We are getting real close to the retrieval, the follicles are growing nicely, just not anymore. So they say around 7-8, which seems crazy to me but I've come to terms that this is the cards I've been dealt with and it's okay.
I got the call from the nurse this afternoon that my dr looked at everything and is keeping my dosage up to 250 for follistim and I'm doing another stim tonight. Looks like I'll be triggering tomorrow night and egg retrieval probably Tuesday.
Friday, June 13, 2014
IVF appointment #6
We are now on daily appointments here.
I went in this morning knowing things were getting closer and the number I have now will be close to the number of mature eggs we get.
Both my Dr and I were very bummed that my ovaries are just not responding well for IVF.
I had 8 measurable follicles.
4 on each side.
I want to be bummed out and say Dr.s want to see 20 or more follicles but I have to once again just stay positive. So here is what I'm telling myself....
these could all be great quality eggs,I do have small ones that could hurry and grow over night and become amazing eggs for us to work with, and they can all survive the brutal freeze and unfreeze of IVF and they can all surpass PGS & PGD testing and come back normal.
Right?
I went in this morning knowing things were getting closer and the number I have now will be close to the number of mature eggs we get.
Both my Dr and I were very bummed that my ovaries are just not responding well for IVF.
I had 8 measurable follicles.
4 on each side.
I want to be bummed out and say Dr.s want to see 20 or more follicles but I have to once again just stay positive. So here is what I'm telling myself....
these could all be great quality eggs,I do have small ones that could hurry and grow over night and become amazing eggs for us to work with, and they can all survive the brutal freeze and unfreeze of IVF and they can all surpass PGS & PGD testing and come back normal.
Right?
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Appointment #5 and more
Since I can't remember what happened during my appointment today, this will be short. I know I had 1-2 more follicles that they were able to measure, nothing really promising though I thought.
After my appt. I was in a lot of pain so I called my Dr and went in for an urine sample because I was pretty positive I had a bladder infection. A few hours later I was right and taking some antibiotics that were helping.
On top of that Brinley spiked a fever in the middle of the day and we have both just been snuggling bums on the couch.
Hope tomorrow is better, just glad it wasn't side effects or OSHH.
After my appt. I was in a lot of pain so I called my Dr and went in for an urine sample because I was pretty positive I had a bladder infection. A few hours later I was right and taking some antibiotics that were helping.
On top of that Brinley spiked a fever in the middle of the day and we have both just been snuggling bums on the couch.
Hope tomorrow is better, just glad it wasn't side effects or OSHH.
Monday, June 9, 2014
IVF appointment # 1-4
So I feel ready to write this all down while I can still remember.
I started my cycle on May 31, so I went in on day 3 to see my Dr. for my baseline apt.
We did an ultrasound and blood work and everything looked normal.
I started that night on only the follistim shots at 225. I was to do this for 3 night then go back in for monitoring.
I went back in Thursday which was CD 6 and even though I thought I was feeling bloating and fatigue already, it was just a fluke. everything looked good at that appt. and I continue what I was doing. Two more nights of follistim at 225 and back in on Saturday, CD 8.
This morning I had 2 measurable follicles on each side and smaller ones showing. I was very discourage thinking I would have a lot more, but I have to keep telling myself we want quality over quantity for sure!
They showed me how to do another shot in the morning that will keep my body from ovulating at all. We kept my follistim the same but added menopur to the mix
Another two days of that and I went back in this morning...
we are now measuring 3 folliciles on one side and 4 on the other. slowly we are progressing here.
My Dr. called me and didn't want to change a thing, he said things are still looking good and to keep it right where it's at. I'll go back in two days from now.
Timeline IVF Cycle-
CD-1 (may 31)- started period
CD-3 (June 2)- Baseline appt. Blood work/ultrasound
CD-6 (June 5)- Blood work/ ultrasound small follicles showing
CD-8 (June 7)- Blood work/ ultrasound measuring 2 follicles on each side plus small ones, started Ganirelix to prevent premature ovulation and added in Menopur for nightly shot with my follistim
CD-10 (June 9)-Blood work/ ultrasound measuring 3 & 4 on each side plus small ones
I started my cycle on May 31, so I went in on day 3 to see my Dr. for my baseline apt.
We did an ultrasound and blood work and everything looked normal.
I started that night on only the follistim shots at 225. I was to do this for 3 night then go back in for monitoring.
I went back in Thursday which was CD 6 and even though I thought I was feeling bloating and fatigue already, it was just a fluke. everything looked good at that appt. and I continue what I was doing. Two more nights of follistim at 225 and back in on Saturday, CD 8.
This morning I had 2 measurable follicles on each side and smaller ones showing. I was very discourage thinking I would have a lot more, but I have to keep telling myself we want quality over quantity for sure!
They showed me how to do another shot in the morning that will keep my body from ovulating at all. We kept my follistim the same but added menopur to the mix
Another two days of that and I went back in this morning...
we are now measuring 3 folliciles on one side and 4 on the other. slowly we are progressing here.
My Dr. called me and didn't want to change a thing, he said things are still looking good and to keep it right where it's at. I'll go back in two days from now.
Timeline IVF Cycle-
CD-1 (may 31)- started period
CD-3 (June 2)- Baseline appt. Blood work/ultrasound
CD-6 (June 5)- Blood work/ ultrasound small follicles showing
CD-8 (June 7)- Blood work/ ultrasound measuring 2 follicles on each side plus small ones, started Ganirelix to prevent premature ovulation and added in Menopur for nightly shot with my follistim
CD-10 (June 9)-Blood work/ ultrasound measuring 3 & 4 on each side plus small ones
Friday, June 6, 2014
IVF cycle
I've been puttin off writting for almost a week now.
We have officially started out IVF cycle. Saturday may 29 was the first day and I went in on Monday for the normal blood work and ultrasound. I also started taking 225 of follistim and even on the 3 day started really feeling the side effects, emotional, bloated, uncomfortable. All things I'm so happy I'm feeling. Tomorrow I go in and and start adding more meds to the mix.
Friday, May 9, 2014
Baby making phone call
When doing infertility treatments a lot of it is scheduling appointments, or as I like to call it "Baby making phone call"
I got to call this morning to talk to the nurse about ordering all my IVF medication. We have been working with a pharmacy called Freedom Fertility Pharmacy. They specialize in all fertility medication and our insurance plan is covered under them. Even though we still a less than a month away, I want to make sure I have everything squared away long before I need to start. This is also the case with Joe providing his sample to be frozen as a back up.
Doing stuff like this gets me happy and excited, like I'm doing something at least to help have another baby. It keeps my mind very positive and hopeful.
I got to call this morning to talk to the nurse about ordering all my IVF medication. We have been working with a pharmacy called Freedom Fertility Pharmacy. They specialize in all fertility medication and our insurance plan is covered under them. Even though we still a less than a month away, I want to make sure I have everything squared away long before I need to start. This is also the case with Joe providing his sample to be frozen as a back up.
Doing stuff like this gets me happy and excited, like I'm doing something at least to help have another baby. It keeps my mind very positive and hopeful.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Aloha...
from my couch in Southern Ca.
we never made it to Hawaii due to a family emergency in my extended family. We have reschedule it for Oct. when we can add more family member there, 1. a new sister in law 2. hopefully a baby in my belly 3. my aunt and uncle.
We are taking advantage of this and headed over to visit Hubby's mom and 2 brothers in Oklahoma the end of this month. More family time before we start our IVF 2 month cycle.
we never made it to Hawaii due to a family emergency in my extended family. We have reschedule it for Oct. when we can add more family member there, 1. a new sister in law 2. hopefully a baby in my belly 3. my aunt and uncle.
We are taking advantage of this and headed over to visit Hubby's mom and 2 brothers in Oklahoma the end of this month. More family time before we start our IVF 2 month cycle.
Friday, May 2, 2014
Emotional cycle
Looking back, I did great yesterday.
Waking up this morning was a different story. I need my space and I need to be alone.
Going through treatments I can not be around pregnant people, they are at (in my eyes) the best stage of their life and they need to enjoy that and be happy and right now and I can not do that. I only bring this up because Brinley is almost two, and most of Brinleys friends mommy have had their second child or pregnant. I realize this is no race or competition but puts me is a hard place to be around, not to mention the Mormon culture of popping out babies.
All in all I have Bryn, Joe and our families and I'll be checking out of much of society.
The depression of infertility
Waking up this morning was a different story. I need my space and I need to be alone.
Going through treatments I can not be around pregnant people, they are at (in my eyes) the best stage of their life and they need to enjoy that and be happy and right now and I can not do that. I only bring this up because Brinley is almost two, and most of Brinleys friends mommy have had their second child or pregnant. I realize this is no race or competition but puts me is a hard place to be around, not to mention the Mormon culture of popping out babies.
All in all I have Bryn, Joe and our families and I'll be checking out of much of society.
The depression of infertility
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Vacation needed
We are headed to Hawaii in 5 days and it is much needed.
I went in this morning at 8:30 am to get my blood work. If you didn't know, after I do the IUI I start progesterone shots and this holds in the uterus lining so I won't get my period if I'm not pregnant and we only can tell through the blood work. After the blood work I headed off to Disneyland with my mom and sis and Brinley to distract me until I got the phone call. We had left and getting baby stuff back in the car when I got the phone call. I acted like I knew it was going to be negative when the nurse told me that it did NOT work again. Although I was disappointed, I was also in shock so I just seemed numbed. I had to switch my thinking right away and get excited and pumped to move onto IVF. I know I feel like I said that a few months ago, but we decided then do wait and do the Laparoscopy and Hysteroscopy surgery (which I'm still 100% happy I did that first because we found Endometriosis that I never knew I had). So now that IUI #6 hasn't worked I have to stop taking the progesterone shots, wait for my period cycle to show up, then order all my IVF meds and wait for my period cycle to start again. Then we will start harvesting a whole bunch of eggs to retrieve. Once we retrieve them all, more drugs...more drugs then the following cycle we will do a frozen transfer.
So until then...Aloha!
I went in this morning at 8:30 am to get my blood work. If you didn't know, after I do the IUI I start progesterone shots and this holds in the uterus lining so I won't get my period if I'm not pregnant and we only can tell through the blood work. After the blood work I headed off to Disneyland with my mom and sis and Brinley to distract me until I got the phone call. We had left and getting baby stuff back in the car when I got the phone call. I acted like I knew it was going to be negative when the nurse told me that it did NOT work again. Although I was disappointed, I was also in shock so I just seemed numbed. I had to switch my thinking right away and get excited and pumped to move onto IVF. I know I feel like I said that a few months ago, but we decided then do wait and do the Laparoscopy and Hysteroscopy surgery (which I'm still 100% happy I did that first because we found Endometriosis that I never knew I had). So now that IUI #6 hasn't worked I have to stop taking the progesterone shots, wait for my period cycle to show up, then order all my IVF meds and wait for my period cycle to start again. Then we will start harvesting a whole bunch of eggs to retrieve. Once we retrieve them all, more drugs...more drugs then the following cycle we will do a frozen transfer.
So until then...Aloha!
The morning of the dreadful day
Last week I went in for blood work to check my progesterone levels. The dr had me start my progesterone shots the night of my IUI. So when I went in I wasn't worried.
The nurse called me back and my progesterone was well into the 60's which is great. Anything into the 20's can hold a pregnancy and stop any miscarriage.
Fast forward to this morning, it's been 5 days seems I've had a lot of activity. Cramping, migraines- bad ones, hot flashes, more cramping, night sweats, just some stuff I don't usually deal with. If I'm pregnant obviously these were the signs I was, but I'm not pregnant these were again the nasty side effects of fertility drugs.
There is a lot going on in my life with the choice of natural medicine and traditional modern. The more and more I look at it, I am 100, moo 110% all the MD, Dr, prescription meds, this including all my fertility medicine. I don't like to play the guessing game or self diagnosed, I just like good o fashion "I have a headache so I'm taking ibuprofen"
Since I'm on my own blog soap box I want to say I believe whole heartily what trial and disease that come our way aren't always brought on because of us. Yes smoking can lead to lung cancer but I DO NOT believe anything my mom fed me or exposed me to at a young age brought on my fertility issues. I believe in a loving Heavenly Father who wants us to return to him, we knew the different trials we would be facing going to earth and gaining a body but knew we wanted to do that. So I believe right now this is our trial to strength us and make us pull closer to Him. I do not believe that I could have prevented this or lead a perfect life. I do not believe changing my diet only can cure endometriosis but I do believe moderation in all things and changing my diet to healthier will better my life in the long run a and give me more energy.
Since quitting soda last month I have felt an increase in my life, and right now I love it and can handle not having soda. Will I go on the rest of my life without it? Probably not, but for right joe this is good for me.
With that said.... We are off to the dr.
The nurse called me back and my progesterone was well into the 60's which is great. Anything into the 20's can hold a pregnancy and stop any miscarriage.
Fast forward to this morning, it's been 5 days seems I've had a lot of activity. Cramping, migraines- bad ones, hot flashes, more cramping, night sweats, just some stuff I don't usually deal with. If I'm pregnant obviously these were the signs I was, but I'm not pregnant these were again the nasty side effects of fertility drugs.
There is a lot going on in my life with the choice of natural medicine and traditional modern. The more and more I look at it, I am 100, moo 110% all the MD, Dr, prescription meds, this including all my fertility medicine. I don't like to play the guessing game or self diagnosed, I just like good o fashion "I have a headache so I'm taking ibuprofen"
Since I'm on my own blog soap box I want to say I believe whole heartily what trial and disease that come our way aren't always brought on because of us. Yes smoking can lead to lung cancer but I DO NOT believe anything my mom fed me or exposed me to at a young age brought on my fertility issues. I believe in a loving Heavenly Father who wants us to return to him, we knew the different trials we would be facing going to earth and gaining a body but knew we wanted to do that. So I believe right now this is our trial to strength us and make us pull closer to Him. I do not believe that I could have prevented this or lead a perfect life. I do not believe changing my diet only can cure endometriosis but I do believe moderation in all things and changing my diet to healthier will better my life in the long run a and give me more energy.
Since quitting soda last month I have felt an increase in my life, and right now I love it and can handle not having soda. Will I go on the rest of my life without it? Probably not, but for right joe this is good for me.
With that said.... We are off to the dr.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
National Infertility Awareness week 2014
Last year I was so excited to have some of my close friends guest blog about their journey through infertility.
1. Elise- IVF ICSI twins
2. Kenzi- Hoping to adopt
3. Brittany- "Baby Deklan"
4. Kenda- Finding their Journey
Just a personal update on them;
1. The Johnson's twins just turned 3 today!!! They are doing so good and I actually got to give them their 1st haircuts a few weeks ago!
2. Kenzi and Nate adopt a beautiful baby girl and gushes over her daily on instagram and I love it!!
3. Deklan is almost 2 now and with more embryos to transfer he wouldn't be a only child for much longer since they hope to grow there family.
4. Kendra is preparing her body for their 1st IVF and very hopeful and positive.
Prayers daily for everyone out there struggling through infertility one way or another.
1. Elise- IVF ICSI twins
2. Kenzi- Hoping to adopt
3. Brittany- "Baby Deklan"
4. Kenda- Finding their Journey
Just a personal update on them;
1. The Johnson's twins just turned 3 today!!! They are doing so good and I actually got to give them their 1st haircuts a few weeks ago!
2. Kenzi and Nate adopt a beautiful baby girl and gushes over her daily on instagram and I love it!!
3. Deklan is almost 2 now and with more embryos to transfer he wouldn't be a only child for much longer since they hope to grow there family.
4. Kendra is preparing her body for their 1st IVF and very hopeful and positive.
Prayers daily for everyone out there struggling through infertility one way or another.
6th Ultrasound and day on 2:2 IUI (Intrauterine Insemination)
The ultrasound this morning showed no more follicle, which means sometime between yesterdays IUI and today I ovulated! This is the best outcome so far. I now have the 2 week wait before I go in for my blood test. The next 3 days I try to lay completely flat and rest as much as possible. Every time you have a failed treatment you get more and more conservative. I have stopped drinking soda and go on bed rest for more like 4 days.
I saw this on youtube.com of a wonderful couple that just had there 1st baby after 2 years of infertility struggles and failed IUI. It's just a great video that might make you cry because all those that go through infertility have the same struggle and may hit you close to home.
Here's there link: Big News
I saw this on youtube.com of a wonderful couple that just had there 1st baby after 2 years of infertility struggles and failed IUI. It's just a great video that might make you cry because all those that go through infertility have the same struggle and may hit you close to home.
Here's there link: Big News
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
5th Ultrasound and day on 1:2 IUI (Intrauterine Insemination)
On IUI days I have to wake up early and get Joe's swimmers to the office at 7am. My mom was nice enough to come with me today while my sister stayed home and babysat Brinley. The ultrasound was first and showed that I have not yet ovulated (great sign for me) so I will come back in tomorrow to have a 2nd IUI.
Joe had great numbers for his sample for him. 24 Million swimmers are now all in me and I am just laying on my bum for as long as I can, thanks to my hubby, mom & sis.
Joe had great numbers for his sample for him. 24 Million swimmers are now all in me and I am just laying on my bum for as long as I can, thanks to my hubby, mom & sis.
4th Ultrasound and blood work
I came in today and Dr. Anderson was back from vacation. He looked at my chart and came in my room and said "well, it looks like you won't be having twins" commenting on my 1 and only follicle growing. He said I was ready for an IUI because the 1 was grew a lot just overnight. So the nurse gave me the HCG shot and sent me on my way.
3rd Ultrasound and Blood work
Came in for my blood work and ultrasound, the 1 follicle grew a little bit more. Nothing else has been happening.
2nd ultrasound and blood work
Sunday morning I drove into Newport Beach to his second office. I still had been taking 150 follistim and felt condfient things were happening.
I was disappoint once again when all the could see was the 1 on the left size that was growing. I know that sounds dumb, but when you are going through treatments you always hope more is better. I had 4 follicles when I had brinley so 1 doesn't always mean 1 baby, or 2 doesn't means twins.
I was sad again when they wanted me to come back in tomorrow.
Usually when you start going in everyday it's close to your IUI, and I want more follicle to grow before the IUI.
Oh well, I'll take my meds again tonight and go in tomorrow for another ultrasound and be so glad I have 1 follicle that is growing and hope this works for us.
1st ultrasound
I went in Friday and only had one follicle over 10, it was still small and early on but I was a bit disappoint in my ovaries.
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
And we are off....
I have read it all over the internet (everyone has the worst painful periods after the Lap/Hys surgery) but I was in such denial that I wouldn't be the same. Well, Sunday morning came and I was hit with what I like to call "Kidney Stone " pains. I was taking my left over pain meds from the surgery to help but once again I woke up at 4am Monday morning with horrible pain. I woke up my husband to get me some water and ibuprofen and he thankfully brought me that with some crackers.
After calling in to the office and talking with the nurse, I made my first ultrasound appt for this round...always on cycle day (CD) 3. That night you always start the medication too. He put me on 150 of Follistim, which I was happily surprise. Go big or Go home is my thought process this time around.
Follistim is infertility GOLD.
and if you don't have any infertility insurance is cost as much as gold I hear.
**Side note***
2 of the BIGGEST blessings have happened
1. Its only April and we have met our out of pocket for our insurance.
2. When we thought we were going straight to IVF we requested the paper that breaks down our infertility insurance and how much we have used on it....We thought doing IVF would put us close to our $30,000 max lifetime, boy we're we shocked when it said we have only used $500. worth of that amount. Makes me want to have 8 kids just to use every ounce of our insurance because not many people have it and I truly wish I could share that right now with some other loved ones going through this.
Back to my IUI round....
I started my shots on day 3 and will do them for 3 nights at the same time for the same dosage then go back in for the ultrasound and blood work. The ultrasound will start measuring how big the follicles are getting and the blood work looks out my estrogen levels to tract ovulation too.
wait....seriously tell me again how someone gets pregnant on a one night stand, I just don't believe it right now.
We are in the very happy, good days moods now. I love doing the shots and just dreaming about being pregnant again and how everyday Brinley gets old the better of a big sister helper she will be to me.
Did I mention
We are Excited!!
After calling in to the office and talking with the nurse, I made my first ultrasound appt for this round...always on cycle day (CD) 3. That night you always start the medication too. He put me on 150 of Follistim, which I was happily surprise. Go big or Go home is my thought process this time around.
Follistim is infertility GOLD.
and if you don't have any infertility insurance is cost as much as gold I hear.
**Side note***
2 of the BIGGEST blessings have happened
1. Its only April and we have met our out of pocket for our insurance.
2. When we thought we were going straight to IVF we requested the paper that breaks down our infertility insurance and how much we have used on it....We thought doing IVF would put us close to our $30,000 max lifetime, boy we're we shocked when it said we have only used $500. worth of that amount. Makes me want to have 8 kids just to use every ounce of our insurance because not many people have it and I truly wish I could share that right now with some other loved ones going through this.
Back to my IUI round....
I started my shots on day 3 and will do them for 3 nights at the same time for the same dosage then go back in for the ultrasound and blood work. The ultrasound will start measuring how big the follicles are getting and the blood work looks out my estrogen levels to tract ovulation too.
wait....seriously tell me again how someone gets pregnant on a one night stand, I just don't believe it right now.
We are in the very happy, good days moods now. I love doing the shots and just dreaming about being pregnant again and how everyday Brinley gets old the better of a big sister helper she will be to me.
Did I mention
We are Excited!!
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
This is no joke to us
I've been meaning to post more but I'm just not in the sharing, writing kind of mood.
Being April 1st today I saw this...
And after seeing someone on IG harmlessly post a April fools joke that they are pregnant. I decided to vent on here and say it hurts throughout the year seeing those ultrasound pic, but especially on April 1st when they think it's some kind of joke.
Hope you find some kind pranks to do on onthers today.
Monday, March 17, 2014
Laparoscopy
Day of Laparoscopy
Friday morning I had to check in at 11am at the Newport Beach Center. I had been fasting since last night but was fighting a huge headache. Joe and I drove out there and were ready to get this done. I got there and the waiting room was empty. I finished paying and filling out paper work. They took me back to change into a hospital gown, get my blood pressure, pregnancy test, and weight.
Pre-op area
After that they got me in bed in the pre-op area and Joe came back to keep me company until they were ready to take me to the room. The hardest part was the head ache I had from grinding my teeth at night and not being able to take anything in the morning, so I was ready to have them put me out!!
I also talked with my anesthesiologist about how every time I go under I wake up throwing up. He was very nice and assured me he would do his best to keep me not vomiting. It was really relaxing then, I got my IV and started with fluids. Dr. Anderson came back to let Joe know he would come out after and let him know how it went. He also said it should be about 30 mins.
Laparoscopy
They start off by going through your belly button with the camera and then if they need to do more they make 2 more incisions...here's a little what was going on...
They start off by going through your belly button with the camera and then if they need to do more they make 2 more incisions...here's a little what was going on...
Post-op
Next thing I knew I was waking up and going in and out of it. I wasn't feeling nausea at all so I kept trying to sleep more. When I started feeling more pain they were able to give me some med threw my IV. When I was fully awake Dr. A came over and said he talked with Joe about everything but he was shocked and he found a lot of Endometriosis it took him longer than he planed, but was able to treat and clean it all out. This is great news to know I have been suffering all this time with this and found the hidden explanation to our infertility.
What's next?
As for whats next well...so far I have heard of everyone opinion but the one that matters most is my Dr. and I go in again on Friday to see him and discuses it all.
So for the rest of the week I'm keeping to myself and staying up on my meds and bed rest. Because he had to clean out a lot more it took almost 2 hours so my recovery time is a bit harder and longer.
For now this sweet girl is helping us study up on our new condition.
Friday, March 7, 2014
IVF Consultation & Laparoscopy
Last week my husband and I went in for our consultation with our RE, Dr. It was good sitting down with him and talking about our goal. We knew we were going to start up IVF as soon as we could and started to look forward to this process.
He quickly talked about our history and then mention laparoscopy surgery then moved on to how we would do IVF. We talked about my cycle days and what my calendar would look like. I also learned that my Dr has done a lot of studies and test that have found in the past 3 years that you have a greater success rate doing a frozen transfer (FET) and not a fresh transfer because it gives your body a month after the egg retrieval and your body has a break from all the drugs you use to producee so many eggs, which means the IVF is a 2 months processes. 1st month you have all these drugs to help make your body produce anywhere from 10-20 eggs, then retrieve them all, then wait until your cycle comes the next month and when it's time for a natural egg to drop they implant 1 embryo.It didn't help that our family planed and booked a vacation to Hawaii beginning of May for my Dad's 60th Birthday and Dr. A said their is no way he will do an IVF transfer the month before Hawaii and let me go on a plane when I need to be monitored closely.
One reason why I love our Dr. is he knows the importance in working with your natural cycle and not putting me on birth control before IVF to group me in a certain time table for him, but that will work best with my body.
There was just so much information and a lot only has to due with me as a patient. Not every person will have the same map to achieve pregnancy as me and that's why its always good to follow your dr's suggestions.
He educated us about PGS (Pre-implantation genetic screening) read more here.Then I asked him point blank, well you are my Dr...what do you recommend we do next? He said well I was the one that brought up Laparoscopy, since we have achieved one pregnancy through IUI, and you have no physical change to why it shouldn't work again we should do the laparoscopy to see if their is anything going on, like Endometriosis, scar tissue, cyst, fiber tumors..etc....
Doing the laparoscopy is also a treatment that can clean everything out if he finds something wrong...that could actually help us get pregnant doing an IUI after. If not we just move on the following month for our IVF and egg retrieval.
Many are familiar with Laparoscopy and even have had it done to achieve a pregnancy. It is the only way to medical confirm you have Endometriosis, which I never thought I really had, but after reading a lot, thanks Google, many women never have the symptoms I thought you had to have. It will first be looked at to see the outside of the uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries, and internal pelvic area. Then if something like scar tissue or more is found it can be treated.
Doing the laparoscopy is also a treatment that can clean everything out if he finds something wrong...that could actually help us get pregnant doing an IUI after. If not we just move on the following month for our IVF and egg retrieval.
Many are familiar with Laparoscopy and even have had it done to achieve a pregnancy. It is the only way to medical confirm you have Endometriosis, which I never thought I really had, but after reading a lot, thanks Google, many women never have the symptoms I thought you had to have. It will first be looked at to see the outside of the uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries, and internal pelvic area. Then if something like scar tissue or more is found it can be treated.
Both my husband and I feel really good about doing this first, so after talking, praying I called the nurse the next morning and since it has to be done between your 5th-12th day after you start your period I have to time it out. So one week from today I'll go in for the laparoscopy.
We have the 2 opinions after that and although I keep thinking on which one should we do, Joe and I have decided that we will decided AFTER Dr. A goes in for the laparoscopy.
I am so grateful for such a great dr that is crazy smart. We learned so much about how he does IVF.
I called my friend after who had IVF from Dr. A back in 2011 and we talked and found out soo much has changed in the short amount of time! The things they have learned are fascinating to me and I will continue to study everything about IVF to know more.
On top of all of this I'm trying to change everything to better myself to take this whole process on. I'm seeing a therapist for infertility and work on how to deal with the ups and downs, also the huge jealously, guilt and pain.
I started back at the gym and my daughter absolutely loves the daycare there so we try to go every other day because I know after we do the transfer and all through the first trimester my dr does not allow any exercise. So I feel like I need to get it in while I can.
The last but most important is my nutrition. I'm the worst at this but it's so much easy to think this will only hurt any chances to have another baby if I eat this donut or drink this soda.
To help my mind set and support I started reading a book again called
infertility; help, hope and healing that I read back when we first started trying and I'm grateful for great reading that is more uplifting. Also another infertility blogger recommends another book for IVF that I plan to read next called Infertility Inferschmility.
So here's to my next few months
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Short and not sweet
We had another failed IUI.
Even with great numbers and everything looks perfect for an IUI it didn't work so our Dr. suggested to go on to IVF (In-Vitro).
Right now I'm still in a low place but we are taking a month off to prep my body for IVF and then in March hopefully do that. I'll update more for me to keep a record of everything when I'm feeling more up to it.
Thanks for all the love and prayers....
Even with great numbers and everything looks perfect for an IUI it didn't work so our Dr. suggested to go on to IVF (In-Vitro).
Right now I'm still in a low place but we are taking a month off to prep my body for IVF and then in March hopefully do that. I'll update more for me to keep a record of everything when I'm feeling more up to it.
Thanks for all the love and prayers....
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Hard Times
The past week has been the hardest on me. There was something that got the ball rolling and then one thing after another and I ran and hide. All I want to do is being alone. I have just a few more days until my blood work but I am scared out of my mind that its going to be negative again, and that will be okay in a few weeks , I will even accept it and I'll be ready to move on.
I just hate this feeling. I try really hard to be in the moment with Brinley but honestly infertility gets the best of you. So here I am venting....
I just hate this feeling. I try really hard to be in the moment with Brinley but honestly infertility gets the best of you. So here I am venting....
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
IUI 5...Progesterone levels
Last Friday I went in for my usual 1 week after IUI blood work to see where my progesterone levels where....I was thrilled to see it at 56!! This number has nothing to do if I am or not pregnant, but means my body is giving it the best chance to convince and thats all I can hope for right now.
I need a vacation!
I need a vacation!
Friday, January 24, 2014
Let the waiting begin...
I've done all I can do...now I will just sit here and wait!
Well, It's always so easy to update the blog after 2 days of IUI because I personally like to come straight home from the Dr. office and lay down as much of the day as I can, relax and help the miracle of IUI take place.
We had great outcome this cycle with the medication, ultrasounds look great, and high five to the husband who did his part and it was great numbers and all. I'm very pleased with this round and I want to say this did the trick...I will say that if it didn't take this round...I don't think anything else will do it but IVF, which we are open and ready for. We all know follicles that drop don't mean much....but I just have to say for record...we had 4 and if one of those can't make it...well I'm convince my eggs are drying up or something.
We are starting tonight with the progesterone oil shots because I prefer them over the suppositories. So I know have to wait a week for 1st blood test then a week after that a blood test for HCG. Wish us luck!
Well, It's always so easy to update the blog after 2 days of IUI because I personally like to come straight home from the Dr. office and lay down as much of the day as I can, relax and help the miracle of IUI take place.
We had great outcome this cycle with the medication, ultrasounds look great, and high five to the husband who did his part and it was great numbers and all. I'm very pleased with this round and I want to say this did the trick...I will say that if it didn't take this round...I don't think anything else will do it but IVF, which we are open and ready for. We all know follicles that drop don't mean much....but I just have to say for record...we had 4 and if one of those can't make it...well I'm convince my eggs are drying up or something.
We are starting tonight with the progesterone oil shots because I prefer them over the suppositories. So I know have to wait a week for 1st blood test then a week after that a blood test for HCG. Wish us luck!
Friday, January 17, 2014
So so grateful
When I came home today I had a FedEx package waiting for me. I got everything out and took a picture to text it to the hubby. We are working so very hard to have another child and doing all we can and I am so happy I have bags of neddles and medicine to help us. I don't know when it will happen but I see this picture and feel overwhelm of gratitude for our next child.
So instead of saying things like thirds a charm or this is our round.... Here's to everything that will help get us to our next pregnancy. Because we aren't ready to stop our family from growing.
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