Waiting for FET....Embryo Adoption

I haven't had a moment to write down many of my feelings, but this past week I was hit with the flu, which makes anyone slow down and rest up. Which gives me time to blog about this next adventure.
We are 1 week away from starting my cycle. The medicine are all called in and all I have left to do is some blood work on monday morning.
I do have a little bit of scoop of what will happen. I told my nurse in all my years this will be the first ever transfer so I have no idea how this works!!!!
She said Dr. A has switch to shots because he is getting better results thickening the uterus this way, but it will only be twice a week and I am sooo happy to give myself a shot if it means I have a chance of being pregnant again and having a baby to grow up with Brinley.
We talk often to our 4 year old about adopting a baby and the Dr will put him in mommy's tummy. She is beyond thrilled for this to happen.

Our embryo donation journey begins

Almost a month after moving on from our donor we contact my Dr.'s nurse to get an idea of where we were on the wait list. I had to make decisions about health insurance and it was between two great insurance companies but two completely different maternity coverage or hospital delivery and where. I was hoping to know if it was more in the June range or late 2017.
Beyond my surprise....we were up next!
It was one of the happiest days of my life, my eyes flooded with tears or hope and joy and excitement.My husband and I just were in complete shock and so much excitement.
Later that day our nurse emailed over a 4 page list of 4 line descriptions of embryos that were up for adoption.  Out of the 4 pages only 4 families had done PGS testing on their embryo and would be able to know abnormal embryos from normal ones. (remember in this post we had the 2 embryos we got from IVF 2 that were tested and both came back abnormal, both boys, one was missing a chromosome and one had an extra one)
So my husband and I knew we wanted PGS tested embryo already. Then from the 4 family, 4 stuck out to us so strong.
At this point all we knew was...
DEP#____
 How many embryos there were? grade 4AA, 5BB
Year the were frozen
Female: egg donor? age of spouse? ethical background
Male: sperm donor? age? ethical background
(and if pictures were available) which we will always keep this private.so don't ask

We asked for the profiles from the 3 families we wanted to know more from. our nurse emailed us over pages and pages on each family of embryos. We waited a few nights before we sat up in bed going over them. My husband reading them and I was to take notes....pros and cons. Cliffnotes on embryos
We knew that night which family batch we were going to transfer from, but decided to take the whole weekend to think and pray about it together and separate. It was so overwhelming that night but it was good for us to get in. This part of the process can't be understand until you have gone through something like this. Know these aren't your biological kids but that they were meant for your family and you were always meant to be their mom and dad.
I think we waited until Tuesday to email the nurse back and she made sure that they were reserved by us. She told us we have 6 months to do a FET (frozen embryo transfer). I assured her we would be quick.

It takes two to tango

I love that it takes a husband and a wife (an egg and a sperm) to create a baby.
While I love my personality I know I have some flaws.  As December 2015 was coming to a close I was talking with my husband about insurance and where we stand on embryo adoption and the wonderful family that offered to donate their embryo....
It was hard for us to decided, or I should say it was hard for him to understand and accept these embryos. Although I may never know why I truly respect him of his opinion and choice and knew that I had to contact my sweet dear new friend who offered us to use these embryos to grow our family.
It was one of the hardest email I had to write. I didn't want her thinking any different than I was, but I had to explain...It takes two to tango and even in embryo adoption/donation my husband and I have to be on the same page. He was willing to wait on our dr. wait list.

Honestly, I didn't care much to sharing this story with my blog, but I hope if someone comes across reading this and trying to decided weather to donate left over embryos I want them to understand its hard for us on the other side too. We don't take it lightly and we love you for any donation you give us, weather it be advice or support or even embryo, we are so grateful.

Please know their are many clinics, agency, and facebook support groups that will help couples match for embryos. They treat them as embryos, future babies having DNA from one family and being raised up by another. All with Love

First Phone call

July 12, 2016-
I was so nervous this past weekend. I had been emailing our (maybe) donors back and forth and I was just praying this wasn't a joke or couldn't believe this was real life. I felt like my prayers were answered, but still felt like my Heavenly Father was wanting me to learn more. It was like he was say...Aubrey, I know you are struggling, I know this is so hard for you and all your prays and fasting for is another baby. I can't give this to you now...but I have this wonderful family for you that want to donate their embies and one day you will carry them they will be your own kids.
It gave me such peace and hope knowing I wasn't just on a waitlist, that someone has reached out to me wanting to bless our lives with something she couldn't think of getting rid of.
If you asked me this weekend what I wanted to do it was to move forward with this as fast as possible. Thank goodness I have such a great man that understands my strengths and weaknesses.  One of those is I can be very impatient and spontaneous.  Sometimes it's a good thing and sometimes it isn't.
He had reminded me that our goal was to have more kids, but our goal wasn't to do it right this second. We had goals to get more financial stable, get more into his new job and feel secure about this job field, work on myself through my therapy in healing my grief with our failed IVFs. and...doing another IVF right away wasn't going to cure me of my baby blues.
With all that said I was so scared that our donor was ready to move forward fast with donating, and that maybe we would get overlook because we weren't ready to accept them right now.
That was exactly opposite of what I found out when she emailed me back and then we started talking on the phone. She is the most sweet, kind and caring person. Her story touched me,  because she knew the pain and heartache, she knew how to talk to me and it gave me so much piece.
Her first email she included some pictures of her family and kids and I couldn't believe how much similar traits we even had. She had blonde hair blue eyes like me, and her husband has brown eyes and hair like my husband. Even though having similar traits like that wasn't at the top of my priority list I found it to be such a blessing and comfort to me.
We both talked about moving forward as more of a close adoption/donation. She would stay up to date with my blog and that is all either one of us needed at the time.
If nothing else I am so grateful for this burst of hope and excitement in my life.

an unexpected gift...1st email

July 8, 2016-
It was a normal Friday for us and Joe was at work and Brinley  and I were getting ready to head down to the pool for a late afternoon swim. I had been keeping up my infertility blog with our updates or what we were going through, mainly as a outlet for me to get things out of my head. I don't get comments at all on my post, but like I said I just was writing these post for myself and and support for others. I had met some wonderful women that were going through infertility at the same time or at the same clinic. It has been a great source of comfort to have my blog.

I got an email saying I had a comment on my blog post and I read it on my email saying I would like to reach you, and asking for a good e-mail or phone number but left her email there for me to reach out to her.
So I thought I would email her back...all I knew was her first name. I ask her if she wanted to talk infertility or vent and offer her any of my support.

Brinley and I walked down to the pool and an hour later I got an email back. It was a long email.
I sat down and started reading it. It said she found me on Instagram and it took her to my blog. She was once in the fertility world with failed IUI they went the IVF route. They had a few kids and no embryos left, but still felt like they wanted to grow their family. So they did IVF again and got twins. They now were past their childbearing years and still had a handful of embryos. They are a faith filled family and knew they wanted to donate the rest of their embryos.

She was offering the greatest gift.
Like traditional adoption these parents are entrusting another couple to raise these beautiful babies. Even though you are the adopted parent they are your DNA kids and I feel like you are lead to a child or embryos that are meant for you to be apart of a certain family.

I can't stop but to think, this day may change the rest of our lives.