infertility after a baby

It never goes away.
I don't know how to continue on...their are so many mix emotions when I come back to this blog.
I want everyone to know every second of the day I am so grateful for my daughter and truly what a blessing she is to me and my husband, but their is the question of what my emotions will do the second time around?
To be honest, we knew we would never go on another birth control again, not because I think it's bad, or religious reason but because I don't think it does anything for my cycle. I like to say my body prevents pregnancy with or without birth control, so we do not use it.
After I had Brinley the question was "are we ready for a 2nd right now?"
I didn't know, but I did hear that your chances of getting pregnant shortly after birth was high. So for someone that doesn't get pregnant on their own I thought maybe this can be our chance! I can feel like I'm somewhat of a normal person. After waiting, of course, until the Dr. gave me the okay to even have sex, the first month when I got my period I was relived I wasn't expecting right way. Then the second month came and I was flooded with all the heartache again. All those feelings I felt when we were trying before came back. They are all still there, but this time I run and hold my baby girl and tears start streaming down my face, and I count my blessings. The 3rd month of trying I decided to count days and do everything we can to conceive again, and still there is no luck.
So we have talked about a plan about when we will go back to see our amazing Dr and hope to see the day of baby #2 soon!!
Until that day happens I will be back here sharing my ups and downs and the hard times we go through as women that struggle with me. I pray for so many of you, and want the best for you!!!

My heart breaks...what can I do?

So tonight I reconnected with some old good friends and was very shocked to say the least that many of them are struggling with starting a family. I felt a rush of emotions, and can't believe as I'm getting ready to welcome our little miracle baby that they were all still searching for answers. You never know what stage someone is in when they say they are struggling with infertility. Have they sought with their dr? Have they started test? Have they seen a specialist? or are they saving up for the biggest expensive of making a baby?
I'm always offering my Dr's info to anyone. I was so happy when 2 friends did this for me. It made me realized I was ready to make the next step. It's hard to go from trying and not succeeding to working with Dr's and using savings to find answers.
After hearing of so many friends and family going through this I though I need to do whatever I can right now. The best I can do is have a prayer a day for these couples I know. I will be praying for you by name that you may find answers and be able to have the family you want.

How do we find Joy?

It was exactly a year ago that I left DC for a much needed pick me up vacation. It was dead of winter and we had just passed our year mark of TTC.
Exactly a year later I was sitting at church during a lesson on how do we find Joy?
A rush of emotions came back to me.
Remember when I was depressed? Remember when I couldn't see the light? Remember when my boss came up to me and said I hadn't been looking well and acting like myself and asked if I needed sometime off? (oh what  a blessing that was)



Here are some things to ask you about yourself?

• What do you see in the mirror?
• Is the girl you see in the mirror happy? Why?
• Is the girl you see the girl you want to be?
• What do you like most about the girl you see?
• What would you like to change about the girl you see?
• What are the talents and blessings of the girl you see?
• What do you want for the girl you see?
  
  As I sat during this lesson I remember thinking to myself, how did I find any joy during my trail? I know I wasn't perfect...but I know the only time I felt comfort was studying the words of the Lord. It was scripture time, Ensign time, any talk from the Prophet or other church leaders. I tried to give up my self and serve. service is the best medicine....not easy to do I know but get out and service. Find happiness in serving others. I think of all that have to go through struggles and pray for you, but my heart aches for the women and men in general that try to find it on their own happiness....or deny the powers of God and Priesthood.
  This month of February think of how you can make more of your Joy...increase it as much as possible is my challenge to you! 

Secret Society of a Women

I heard on the New tonight all this talk about Beyonce's new baby. 
One thing I didn't know before was that she had a miscarriage before this one. The journalist talked about 1 in 4 women will have a miscarriage and talk about how many "Hollywood" people are coming out sharing that personal information.
One star, Lisa Ling and a co-founder started a website called
Secret Society of a Women

What you’ll find here is that no matter what the topic may be, you’re not alone.
Everything women can experiance during their lifetime is on here. You don't even have to claim your real name. You can just vent. 

Hope we can all start feeling more supportive of each other and be more sensitive about struggles others may be going through.