We each have our own journey in the infertility world. I remember when I was going through IVF I would spend countless of hours on the internet researching for a story that was just like mine,but did something different that got them pregnant. Days after days, months after months, years after year and I never found another like me!
Why? because we are all on our own path to find our children that are meant to be in our family. I have a great friend who has adopted two beautiful children and we have spend a lot of time talking and one thing I know for sure that she has taught me was her kids were meant for her and her husband, they just had to get here through another way, through an act of kindness and love.
When I started understand that, I knew that my faith would help me. That I believe before we came to earth we were all together living as a heavenly family. I believe my kids are up there now in heaven waiting to come to us as a family. Through all of our efforts this has not happened yet, but I still believe they will come. There will be a bond between adoptive parents and child still as they are their own, not just because I will be carrying them, but because I will be raising them and loving them and teaching them as my own.
We have thought and prayed a lot on which direction will lead us to our next child and I know God know and I know that when you get that answer you run with it because it's an answer from God leading you to that child. So I can not be more thrilled and excited to learn more patience as we wait and wait and wait for that call that we are at the top of that list, ready to find a match at that clinic. At the clinic we will be doing the transfer, right now the wait time is a year to a year and a half, which should scare me, but it doesn't. Because I feel like we are being lead to this clinic for a reason that our child/children and going to be from there.
With bringing children into the world it can be from many different ways...
-Traditional adoption
-IUI
-IVF
-Donor- Egg, Sperm, Embryo
-Surrogate
-Natural
and in the end... we are all doing the same thing.. being a mom and raising out kid to be a good kid.
So however you get your forever family, whatever the journey may take you on and through, know that it was meant for you and your family. This is your infertility journey....make the most of fighting what you want most.
Tuesday, June 21, 2016
Monday, June 20, 2016
Healing
Healing take time and there is not right or wrong answer for how long is too long to take.
Over the past 4 years of trying after our daughter was born and 2 years trying before we got pregnant with her, I have definitely felt a lot of emotion and feel like I've been on a roller coaster ride. Right now, I'm healing... I feel like for me when I just lost and hurt I turn towards my faith and relationship with God. It's not like turning on a light switch but it starts giving me more and more comfort that I know he is there and I have to listen to him and think of the bigger picture. This can be so hard to do when other pregnancies are usually the happiest time for that soon to be mom, it can make me reflect on all my failed tries.
In the end of this life I hope to be living with my family and God, and I have learned this weekend something profound. Why would I want to be there and not have felt all the pain and sorrow my infertility has brought to me when I know my Lord and Savior had suffer it all so that I can live with him and my family again.
If I had no trials, or that I prayed tonight to be pregnant this month and it happened...how would I expect to know that I always chose the right path that wasn't always the easiest but lead me back to him.
grieving is good.
crying is good.
feeling sadness is good.
wanting is good
healing is good.
but there are somethings that I believe come from satan and that is when I start feeling guilty, angry, bitter, hatred, jealousy.
If I can just start healing a little bit more everyday I know I can find a peace in my life.
We have to choose Joy.
This next journey we are taking on gets me so excited to blog again, because their is not much out there. Speaking with my wonderful Dr. tomorrow....
Over the past 4 years of trying after our daughter was born and 2 years trying before we got pregnant with her, I have definitely felt a lot of emotion and feel like I've been on a roller coaster ride. Right now, I'm healing... I feel like for me when I just lost and hurt I turn towards my faith and relationship with God. It's not like turning on a light switch but it starts giving me more and more comfort that I know he is there and I have to listen to him and think of the bigger picture. This can be so hard to do when other pregnancies are usually the happiest time for that soon to be mom, it can make me reflect on all my failed tries.
In the end of this life I hope to be living with my family and God, and I have learned this weekend something profound. Why would I want to be there and not have felt all the pain and sorrow my infertility has brought to me when I know my Lord and Savior had suffer it all so that I can live with him and my family again.
If I had no trials, or that I prayed tonight to be pregnant this month and it happened...how would I expect to know that I always chose the right path that wasn't always the easiest but lead me back to him.
grieving is good.
crying is good.
feeling sadness is good.
wanting is good
healing is good.
but there are somethings that I believe come from satan and that is when I start feeling guilty, angry, bitter, hatred, jealousy.
If I can just start healing a little bit more everyday I know I can find a peace in my life.
We have to choose Joy.
This next journey we are taking on gets me so excited to blog again, because their is not much out there. Speaking with my wonderful Dr. tomorrow....
Friday, June 17, 2016
our next step...
I feel like all great ideas come to me after 5pm on a friday so that I have to wait and thinking about it all weekend long.
As I have felt a new path everyday since our failed IVF....
-never waiting to try to have another kid again
-adopting asap
-embryo adoption
-chinese way with herbs, acupuncture
- going into isolation and being a loner
Well, tonight my heart skipped a beat. My favorite Dr. has embryo adoption at his clinic and all I want to do is call him up and get our name on that waiting list. Hoping I can call on Monday and find out more info on this to see if this is where we are supposed to go....
On another note,
I joined a infertility group on facebook...actually my friend invited me to one, found the LDS one, and joined an embryo adoption one too. I was filling out my info and journey when seeing it all written made me realized I was hitting my head on brick wall for so long.
Grateful note: I am so grateful for the fun day I had with my daughter and all the laughter we had. I saw a picture of my husbands cousin who just announced she is pregnant on social media at 36 weeks and I said out loud, she look beautiful pregnant, because I need to only think positive things to change my thought behavior against others. I can change my unhappy, circumstances depression to serve and love others.....easier said than done, but I will try!
As I have felt a new path everyday since our failed IVF....
-never waiting to try to have another kid again
-adopting asap
-embryo adoption
-chinese way with herbs, acupuncture
- going into isolation and being a loner
Well, tonight my heart skipped a beat. My favorite Dr. has embryo adoption at his clinic and all I want to do is call him up and get our name on that waiting list. Hoping I can call on Monday and find out more info on this to see if this is where we are supposed to go....
On another note,
I joined a infertility group on facebook...actually my friend invited me to one, found the LDS one, and joined an embryo adoption one too. I was filling out my info and journey when seeing it all written made me realized I was hitting my head on brick wall for so long.
Grateful note: I am so grateful for the fun day I had with my daughter and all the laughter we had. I saw a picture of my husbands cousin who just announced she is pregnant on social media at 36 weeks and I said out loud, she look beautiful pregnant, because I need to only think positive things to change my thought behavior against others. I can change my unhappy, circumstances depression to serve and love others.....easier said than done, but I will try!
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