Soooo Baby hungry

We had a great time with friends last night at there house for dinner. They just had there 2nd child 4 months ago and she is just so adorable! I love holding newborns and she was so sweet to hold, while I was a little nervous about our little girl, she just was thrilled that there was a "BaBeyyy" Brinley laugh and giggled and was all smiles! She loves babies just as much as her mommy! We even sat down on the floor and she got to hold the baby. She was all smiles! I just hope we can give her a baby soon, I'm sure this stage can't last long.

Brinley is just smitten, and going to one day be a great big sister

1st failed IUI

It's hard to sit here and say what I'm feeling because I have so many different emotions.
Dreams of becoming a mom to many never seemed like it was going to be hard to get there. After struggling to become pregnant naturally I was scared but ready for modern medicine. When we got pregnant on our first treatment I was so surprise and excited, I thought we found a solution to our problem and we would go on having as many kids as we like.
Well,
Life throws us curve balls and keeps me looking for strength in my faith and beliefs.
The day is not over yet, but I've held on to my little miracle a little longer and requested for more kisses than ever. I knew she was a blessing and I could never take her for granted, but when you have a failed pregnancy you really hold on tight to the ones you have.
I want to say I knew this was coming...
but honestly it could have gone either way and I would have a list of reasons why I knew I was or was not pregnant.
I was scheduled to go into the Dr. office tomorrow for the blood work but I woke up this morning to an unpleasant surprise, my periods came.
Just so you know having a child already does not make this part any easier.
It's been a roller coaster day of emotions, but I will lay my head to sleep tonight and wake up happy and ready to start round 2 of IUI. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers that we will be able to have more kids.


9/23/11- BFP (baby girl born 6/1/12)
9/25/13- BFN (1st failed IUI)

2WW symptoms

It's so hard to know if what you are feeling is what you are hoping your feeling.
I just have a few more days left until I go in for my blood work and the one thing that sticks in my mind about any 2ww symptoms is bloated!
I think I have felt bloated this whole week! I decided now would be a good time to give up soda and invest in drinking more water. I have recalled more moments of cramping here and there, but it's hard not to get your head wrapped around every little thing that could be.

Progesterone level

 This morning I went in to get my blood drawn. They can not tell if I'm pregnant because they gave me the HCG shot last week to ovulate and it still can be in my system and give us a false positive.  In case you didn't know, when you pee on a stick or get a blood test they are looking for HCG. I think it's like anything about 10 is your pregnant. Most people have somewhere in the hundreds. Last time I had 17 and we had a fighter, Bryn.
I was asking the nurse what they were looking for when they take my progesterone levels though, She said if it's really low they can start me on progesterone earlier because that is what help your uterus keep the baby inside. If the numbers drop you can miscarry easily.
For example last pregnancy my first numbers were 22 (anything above a 10 is good), but then a week later when they took my progesterone and HCG my progesterone had drop down to a 12 and that's why I took progesterone shots every night my first trimester.
Why can't they see if I'm pregnant or not with progesterone??
   In this early stage the progesterone levels they are measuring can be left over from my follicles and not have anything to do if I'm pregnant or not. So lets say worst case, the eggs did not fertilize I still can have progesterone in my blood from the follicles and have a good level today.
So, I'm waiting for the results and will hear back by the end of the day!

I've patiently waited and got a call after 2pm
So far things are looking just great! My numbers came back at 21 which is just below last pregnancy...again we still don't know for sure if these means I'm pregnant, but that I don't need to take progesterone right now.

CD-13, 2 of 2 IUI

Another early day, and beautiful morning.
This day we weren't rush because hubby wasn't running off to basketball. It was still pretty early though and I popped out of the house before anyone else got up. My mom has been on grandma duty when I have to run over to the office, and if just melts my heart everytime I come  home and my baby girl runs to me and hugs me and doesn't let me go for a while. I just love being a mom and these moments that you don't want to forget are those.

This was a month ago when we were up in Big Bear, but you get the idea....heart melting.

Back to me at the Dr. office. I turned over the swimmers and sat down to eat the donuts I picked up on my way since I had a little extra time.  I watched the morning news and enjoyed the time to sit down to relax. When an hour had passed it was my time to see how everything was doing. 

I first had the ultrasound where we did not find any follicles! This is the best news, it means I ovulated right in the middle of both of my IUI's and it's giving me the best chance to get pregnant! 

Then it was time for the IUI, we switched rooms and got me prep. every time they show me the needle and show me to confirm my name on it. Saddly, this time around we only had about 10 million swimmers. I asked my nurse what they consider to be low? She said they like it to be from 10-20 million. So with us having 30 million the day before we were still looking good on his end of the procedure. We also talked about how normal sex gives you in the hundreds so getting in the millions right into the uterus is awesome. 

I have to say this time the IUI procedure wasn't painful at all...it wasn't even that uncomfortable. Everything seems much easier the second time around. After that she sets the timer for 10 mins and props my pelvic up.  I came home to a running, hugging baby girl and put her to bed for her morning nap and went in my room to lay like this......

just in case any of them wanted an escape. I should have just done a headstand, but this will do. 

1 week until I have blood drawn for my progesterone levels and then

2 weeks until the draw my blood for HCG (pregnancy hormone)  

CD-12, 1of 2 IUI

written 9-11-13

It's been a long day already.
I woke up very early to make sure I took my hubby's swimmers to the office as soon as the open. It was so quite outside and even though school started this week no one was on the roads yet. I drove to the office and waited out in the hallway because I got their a bit early.
As I handed over my "lunch bag" with the swimmers, I couldn't help but just pray and hope for the best. It takes them about an hour to "wash and prep" them. I went back downstairs and grabbed a bagel to eat.
The sun was coming out and more people were making their way into the building. I went back upstairs into the office and sat and waited.
When they called back my name the first thing we needed to do was another ultrasound. This time each follicle took up the whole ultrasound screen.
They grew!!
They got a lot bigger. Their were still 2 of them there, which means I had not ovulated yet, but would still because of the HCG shot. With everything looking great there we went to the next room for the actually IUI.
They told me she noticed that my hubby's swimmers had double since the IUI with Brinley. We had over 30 million swimmers, amazing! So I'm thinking in my head, this has to work! This is going to work, maybe, just maybe both egg will be fertilized.
An IUI is comparable to a pap smear. They have to find the cervix though and open it up and keep it open....this time it was uncomfortable and painful at moments. When we got all the swimmers up there, they tilted the bed to help gravity take its course and I was to lay there for 10mins. After though I wasn't ready to get up, I just wanted to lay in bed all day!
I did get up and go back home and have been resting as much as I can. It has made me feel very tired though. It was a good day though and I'm ready for another round of the same thing tomorrow!

HCG shot

written on 9-10-13

I went in again this morning to do another ultrasound. Since having Brinley the whole office got TV's mounted on the wall to be able to watch everything going on with the ultrasound comfy laying down on the bed. So I love going in and  seeing the progress. 

Dr. Anderson was their today and did the ultrasound, he said everything is looking good. They found the 2 follicles that were seen yesterday and did another measurement (1st-23x19, 2nd- 22x20) . They both grow nicely and went over the 20mm that they hope for. So he said we were all ready for the trigger shot. 

We went into the other room and the Nurse came in with the hcg shot that will tell my body to ovulate (I've read stuff on timing and I'm not sure so I can't tell you positively what the facts are). Now I rest and wait to go in again tomorrow morning for another ultrasound and 1-2 IUI. Can't Wait!!

1st ultrasound

written on 9-9-13

I'm so ready for this! I love going into my Dr's and seeing everyone. 

Today, was a real hard day... Aside from my personal life I just heard news that a childhood friend I know lost her husband in a car accident this early morning, leaving behind his wife and 2 daughters. It just broke my heart I would be fine and then it would hit me again and  then I would break down crying. So coming into the office today was bitter/sweet. Knowing Joe and I would be able to bring another child into the world is wonderful yet my heart ache for her and her family. Thankfully I saw all my familiar faces at the office and helped me through the weeping appointment. 

I am in the time of my cycle where I am essentially growing eggs, not any new ones because women are born with a certain number of egg, so to help my process out we help more show up at a time. The only way to see how the eggs are growing is to have an internal ultrasound. It goes up the ying yan and shows up on a TV in the room. I don't know how they find it, but they are able to see each side of my ovaries and measure each egg that is growing. Since my periods are pretty short (around 26 days) I have to go in a few days earlier than normal to make sure we don't miss the IUI opportunity. 

Each month women typically develop one follicle (future egg) that becomes dominant and stops all the other eggs from growing any more. It is the body's way of trying to prevent a pregnancy with multiple babies unlike animals that have litters.

The Dr.'s are looking the follicle to be more than 20mm in size. Today I had 2 follicle that were growing a good size (1st- 20x16, 2nd-21x17)...almost ready for IUI, but in hopes that it grows just a little bit more we are waiting a day and going back tomorrow for another internal ultrasound. I did have 1 follicle on the other side but they noticed it was much smaller and the body probably stopped it from continue to grow and mature. They also measure out the lining in the uterus to make sure it is well and no cyst or scars. That was looking good and didn't have any issues. 

In case you really wanted to see what my ultrasounds are looking like I snapped a few pictures! 

So pretty I know, unless you know what you are looking for or someone points it out you can't even see the lining. It reminds me of the Friends episode where Rachael is pregnancy but can't tell on the ultrasound where the baby is! 

I'm soooo pumped!! I love this start and love watching a baby grow from day 1! I feel so blessed! Cross your fingers that we have a good IUI this week! 

Best thing to do during the 2WW??

online shop!!!

I love going to all my favorite places and creating a wish list. This gets me mentally prepared so when I do find out we are expecting I can really go through the list and decided what I thought would be fun but not useful. Everything consist of "if I had all the money in the world....my baby would need this"

so not true though... 

to come home from the hospital you need a car seat, diapers and food supple (breastfed or formula)

until then....I'm creating more and more wish list :)

off with clomids head!

Tonight is the last night I take my clomid and so far it hasn't been a big problem for me. I felt very bloated for a few hours last night and a bit crampy but nothing bad.  Last night I was up 3 times with Brinley and I had that thought...wow, am I ready to get up again with a newborn?

Then I thought...I don't think anyone is ready but when you see your newborns face you become more than human, you become a mom. And like most moms I know, they will do anything to not let their child feel pain when they don't need to. 

first day of Clomid

So I started taking Clomid at night because I heard it can make you tired. So my first full day was on day 4, with no side effects to complain about. I'm already getting so excited about this and can not wait, I've gotten back into looking into all the baby stuff and what came out new this past year.
I've also started preparing my mind and body for pregnancy. Thinking about getting pregnant again and having a newborn around made me realize I knew absolutely nothing when we had Brinley. I didn't even have nursing bra until my mom ran out and got some when Brinley was a day old. Like most things when you have done it once you know some what to expect. I fully expect though a completely different pregnancy and birth, and even though Brinley is a perfect child and the best sleeper ever....I know this one won't be. (I can still hope though!)

ultrasound check up

I went in this morning (sep. 2) to have the Dr. do the ultra sound to check the lining of my uterus and make sure everything is okay to start the processes. They did an internal ultra sound and could measure everything they needed to know. So we went ahead and gave me a prescription for clomid (exactly what we did last time, because it resulted to a great pregnancy). Starting tonight I take clomid for 5 days, I then go back in a week and we have another ultrasound to see how the eggs are developing.
I hope I don't have any major side effect of the clomid, because last time I only had some hot flashes and that is a piece of cake compared to others.

Day 1....tears

Day 1
of any women trying to get pregnant can be the hardest day. It's been my deepest lows and sorrows. This always mean, No baby.
But...today it means so much more! It's a fresh start to our journey to baby #2. We went in a few weeks ago and met with our Dr.
 Like before he said lets go back to what worked for you the first time. He sent us on our way with some homework;
Me: Prenatal, exercise, take care of my body
Hubby: NO SPA (takes about 3 months to build up your soldiers), no long bike rides (same reason)
On the first day of my next cycle I was to call in and let them know.
Let me just tell you I love my little infertility family (everyone in the Dr.'s office). When I call in I always know I'll be talking to 1 of 2 friendly voices that always answers the phones. Then I'll be working with nurses that are great and know on a first name bases too!
I called in this morning, Saturday Aug.31 and told them I started I started my cycle, I talked with my nurse I worked with before. She was so excited we were starting again for baby #2. I have to go in on day 3 for an ultrasound and prescriptions, which happens to be labor day, but because my office is so awesome I am still able to go in and get everything done. until Labor Day....