3 Day past 6 Day transfer: Embryo Adoption

I was able to move from bed rest today to just sitting around in the house and keeping moving to a minimum. I got up, showered and headed downstairs because I was starving! I've kept myself busy downstairs today while watching shows and finally working on my daughter's baby book on shutterfly. I've had more on and off symptoms today but I'm sure most of them are just from my PIO shots (twice a day still) and Estrogen shots every 4th day. 

Symptoms: Uterus feels heavy/ bloated/sore boobs

starving when I wake up, twings on my left side, and boobs really sore by nighttime. 

Lets hope I can wait a few more days before testing!

2 days past 6 day transfer: Embryo Adoption

Today I was a little bummed because I feel completely normal and feel crazy lying in the bed all day and only getting up to go to the bathroom.....but....If this can help bring us home our baby, I will do it!
I found these socks in my dresser this morning and it made me laugh....Pineapples are too cute!

I had a moment today where I was watching Eddie the Eagle and his very last jump my husband came up to catch me bawling my eyes out. I blamed it on the hormones but we all know how we get when someone struggles for their dreams and everyone tells them no, or your crazy but you still fight for it, you fight like crazy to have that moment. 

No symptoms today, but I did cave in a get some Pregnancy test on amazon.... a lot of TTC tribe have seen positive on 5 days past transfer and I might try it out. 

My boobs are still sore and sensitive, and I feel like I've gained 10lbs and bloated. 

1 day past 6 day transfer: Embryo Adoption

Today is my first full day of bed rest, even thought Dr said yesterday is day 1.
I got breakfast in bed...

and just been relaxing watching taped shows and movies. 

We left the Dr. office yesterday at 2:30pm and I felt my 1st symptom today at 2:30pm... some cramping on my right side then again at 6:54 on the left side.  My boobs are really sore, but they were sore last week too so I'm not sure if its the same or more. 

Transfer Day: Embryo Adoption

March 6, 2017

Transfer Day!!
I got a call the day before telling me what time I had to be in the office, and make sure I started my 4 new meds that I take every morning and night....
just look at this schedule..

Joe and I drove up and dropped off our daughter at my parents house for the week.

 We go to the dr around 12:15 and waited around for a while. They then took us back into the room and we waited forever!!!
It was one of the busiest days my dr had for FET, 5! Five babies having their transfer day!
My dr came in and talked to me about all the meds to continue to take and the bed rest and everything else I needed to know before I came back for my blood test in 10 days. He did an ultrasound to look for the thickest part to place the baby boy near.
The embryologist came in and gave us our picture of our embryo....already hatching out of the shell, which means it thawed perfectly...

 The cells on the left are the baby cells and the larger cells on the right is the shell where it was living. Everything I have hear about the embryo hatching out is a great sign! fingers cross, prayers needed.
My Dr turned on the TV and connected to the room next door where our little embryo was thawing out and we had live video of it moving around...the little cells where in action! I wish I would have thought to video this just because its just an amazing things to see!! After seeing the video he told the embryologist to scoop up the embryo in a catheter and bring him in.
My Dr took the catheter with the embryo in it and placed it he checked with an ultrasound and didn't like where it was going to be placed so he did a few more tries before saying, Perfect and then he push the little embryo that could out. The embryologist had to take it back to the microscope to make sure nothing was left in there.
We got the clear and then I was asked to lay there for 30mins, but I swear it was an hour. I relaxed and may even fell asleep.
        Here is the picture after the Dr placed the embryo in and the white bubble is a air bubble. That should be right where the embryo is...

                                  Safe and sound in the middle
                                      Grow baby boy Grow

What infertility looks like...

When going through IVF treatments you never realized life keeps going on. I have to keep moving on and doing things that make me happy and keep our routine normal. 

Even if that means still going to Disneyland with friends, and still taking meds at the exact time every 12 hours am/pm.

So tonight it was the disneyland parking lot.

When you are apart of IVF different things mean more, like an embryo has been frozen and used for a frozen embryo transfer after thawing out they we call them snowflake babies. I saw this sweet snowflake swaddle blanket by my favorite modern swaddle company. 2017- snowflake everything for our sweet baby boy!

Also when you get ready for a transfer you try to figure out everything you can eat to help implantation. One of those is pineapples, especially the core (which no one has probably ever eaten before FET)
My good friend got me some cute pineapple earrings and I have been supporting them a lot. They are dang cute and sending me good vibes.

3rd Appointment: Embryo donation

March 1-

I went in for my lining check and so happy that it didn't go crazy...I was worried I would come in again and my lining would get too thick, even though that doesn't happen.
My lining was a perfectly 11.87

We had to start my progesterone shots, and that will be every morning and every night! I still am on the estrogen shots every 4th day and I'm really getting sore on my behind too.

2nd Appointment: Embryo donation

Feb. 21, 2017-

I can back in today for my lining check and adjust any meds.
My lining grew to 10.10 and I was pretty happy about that since my dr. likes to see anything above an 8.
He upped my estrogen shot and I go back in a week later.

1st Appointment for 1st FET Embryo Donation

With every Dr, every protocol can be different and I believe my dr looks at my past and me as a patient and gives us the best protocol for us. So never compare my protocol to yours.

When we picked out our donor family batch of embryos we just had to wait until I start my period.
No birth control
No Lupron
I was happy!!

I called in and they had me come in on cycle day 2 for an ultrasound and bloodwork.
Everything looked great and it was time to start: my meds
Prenatal, baby aspirin, dexamethasone, and every 4th day we had to do estrogen shots in the bum.

Waiting for FET....Embryo Adoption

I haven't had a moment to write down many of my feelings, but this past week I was hit with the flu, which makes anyone slow down and rest up. Which gives me time to blog about this next adventure.
We are 1 week away from starting my cycle. The medicine are all called in and all I have left to do is some blood work on monday morning.
I do have a little bit of scoop of what will happen. I told my nurse in all my years this will be the first ever transfer so I have no idea how this works!!!!
She said Dr. A has switch to shots because he is getting better results thickening the uterus this way, but it will only be twice a week and I am sooo happy to give myself a shot if it means I have a chance of being pregnant again and having a baby to grow up with Brinley.
We talk often to our 4 year old about adopting a baby and the Dr will put him in mommy's tummy. She is beyond thrilled for this to happen.

Our embryo donation journey begins

Almost a month after moving on from our donor we contact my Dr.'s nurse to get an idea of where we were on the wait list. I had to make decisions about health insurance and it was between two great insurance companies but two completely different maternity coverage or hospital delivery and where. I was hoping to know if it was more in the June range or late 2017.
Beyond my surprise....we were up next!
It was one of the happiest days of my life, my eyes flooded with tears or hope and joy and excitement.My husband and I just were in complete shock and so much excitement.
Later that day our nurse emailed over a 4 page list of 4 line descriptions of embryos that were up for adoption.  Out of the 4 pages only 4 families had done PGS testing on their embryo and would be able to know abnormal embryos from normal ones. (remember in this post we had the 2 embryos we got from IVF 2 that were tested and both came back abnormal, both boys, one was missing a chromosome and one had an extra one)
So my husband and I knew we wanted PGS tested embryo already. Then from the 4 family, 4 stuck out to us so strong.
At this point all we knew was...
DEP#____
 How many embryos there were? grade 4AA, 5BB
Year the were frozen
Female: egg donor? age of spouse? ethical background
Male: sperm donor? age? ethical background
(and if pictures were available) which we will always keep this private.so don't ask

We asked for the profiles from the 3 families we wanted to know more from. our nurse emailed us over pages and pages on each family of embryos. We waited a few nights before we sat up in bed going over them. My husband reading them and I was to take notes....pros and cons. Cliffnotes on embryos
We knew that night which family batch we were going to transfer from, but decided to take the whole weekend to think and pray about it together and separate. It was so overwhelming that night but it was good for us to get in. This part of the process can't be understand until you have gone through something like this. Know these aren't your biological kids but that they were meant for your family and you were always meant to be their mom and dad.
I think we waited until Tuesday to email the nurse back and she made sure that they were reserved by us. She told us we have 6 months to do a FET (frozen embryo transfer). I assured her we would be quick.

It takes two to tango

I love that it takes a husband and a wife (an egg and a sperm) to create a baby.
While I love my personality I know I have some flaws.  As December 2015 was coming to a close I was talking with my husband about insurance and where we stand on embryo adoption and the wonderful family that offered to donate their embryo....
It was hard for us to decided, or I should say it was hard for him to understand and accept these embryos. Although I may never know why I truly respect him of his opinion and choice and knew that I had to contact my sweet dear new friend who offered us to use these embryos to grow our family.
It was one of the hardest email I had to write. I didn't want her thinking any different than I was, but I had to explain...It takes two to tango and even in embryo adoption/donation my husband and I have to be on the same page. He was willing to wait on our dr. wait list.

Honestly, I didn't care much to sharing this story with my blog, but I hope if someone comes across reading this and trying to decided weather to donate left over embryos I want them to understand its hard for us on the other side too. We don't take it lightly and we love you for any donation you give us, weather it be advice or support or even embryo, we are so grateful.

Please know their are many clinics, agency, and facebook support groups that will help couples match for embryos. They treat them as embryos, future babies having DNA from one family and being raised up by another. All with Love

First Phone call

July 12, 2016-
I was so nervous this past weekend. I had been emailing our (maybe) donors back and forth and I was just praying this wasn't a joke or couldn't believe this was real life. I felt like my prayers were answered, but still felt like my Heavenly Father was wanting me to learn more. It was like he was say...Aubrey, I know you are struggling, I know this is so hard for you and all your prays and fasting for is another baby. I can't give this to you now...but I have this wonderful family for you that want to donate their embies and one day you will carry them they will be your own kids.
It gave me such peace and hope knowing I wasn't just on a waitlist, that someone has reached out to me wanting to bless our lives with something she couldn't think of getting rid of.
If you asked me this weekend what I wanted to do it was to move forward with this as fast as possible. Thank goodness I have such a great man that understands my strengths and weaknesses.  One of those is I can be very impatient and spontaneous.  Sometimes it's a good thing and sometimes it isn't.
He had reminded me that our goal was to have more kids, but our goal wasn't to do it right this second. We had goals to get more financial stable, get more into his new job and feel secure about this job field, work on myself through my therapy in healing my grief with our failed IVFs. and...doing another IVF right away wasn't going to cure me of my baby blues.
With all that said I was so scared that our donor was ready to move forward fast with donating, and that maybe we would get overlook because we weren't ready to accept them right now.
That was exactly opposite of what I found out when she emailed me back and then we started talking on the phone. She is the most sweet, kind and caring person. Her story touched me,  because she knew the pain and heartache, she knew how to talk to me and it gave me so much piece.
Her first email she included some pictures of her family and kids and I couldn't believe how much similar traits we even had. She had blonde hair blue eyes like me, and her husband has brown eyes and hair like my husband. Even though having similar traits like that wasn't at the top of my priority list I found it to be such a blessing and comfort to me.
We both talked about moving forward as more of a close adoption/donation. She would stay up to date with my blog and that is all either one of us needed at the time.
If nothing else I am so grateful for this burst of hope and excitement in my life.

an unexpected gift...1st email

July 8, 2016-
It was a normal Friday for us and Joe was at work and Brinley  and I were getting ready to head down to the pool for a late afternoon swim. I had been keeping up my infertility blog with our updates or what we were going through, mainly as a outlet for me to get things out of my head. I don't get comments at all on my post, but like I said I just was writing these post for myself and and support for others. I had met some wonderful women that were going through infertility at the same time or at the same clinic. It has been a great source of comfort to have my blog.

I got an email saying I had a comment on my blog post and I read it on my email saying I would like to reach you, and asking for a good e-mail or phone number but left her email there for me to reach out to her.
So I thought I would email her back...all I knew was her first name. I ask her if she wanted to talk infertility or vent and offer her any of my support.

Brinley and I walked down to the pool and an hour later I got an email back. It was a long email.
I sat down and started reading it. It said she found me on Instagram and it took her to my blog. She was once in the fertility world with failed IUI they went the IVF route. They had a few kids and no embryos left, but still felt like they wanted to grow their family. So they did IVF again and got twins. They now were past their childbearing years and still had a handful of embryos. They are a faith filled family and knew they wanted to donate the rest of their embryos.

She was offering the greatest gift.
Like traditional adoption these parents are entrusting another couple to raise these beautiful babies. Even though you are the adopted parent they are your DNA kids and I feel like you are lead to a child or embryos that are meant for you to be apart of a certain family.

I can't stop but to think, this day may change the rest of our lives.

From July to now

I hate that I have left this blog hanging for the last 6 months when nothing has changed, but also everything has.
It's hard to be able to keep a blog on something also so personal too. I try to do my best to keep it real and open and informative for others that are going through the same thing to find more hope and answers.

I feel like I have 2 Infertility journeys....
1st started after we got married are when we started trying to have a family. That Aubrey knew the heartache of waiting a child and month after month not having my body do something it should, conceive. We were blessed after our 1st IUI treatment to getting pregnant and having a health baby girl!! That journey still had its ups and downs but for the most part knew the top surface of infertility struggle.

The 2nd journey and is the Aubrey I know now.
The long to grow our family and have a sibling for our only child. This has been hard since my husband and I always dreamed of having a large family. I have come to peace with whatever size family we are blessed to have. In this journey my personality has changed a few times, from depressed to alone, to hate to strong and learn to overcome to hope.
It has shaped me into a person I never saw coming. I've felt pain, I've felt real heartache and I've felt loved and hope and know miracleso are here today.