infertility after a baby

It never goes away.
I don't know how to continue on...their are so many mix emotions when I come back to this blog.
I want everyone to know every second of the day I am so grateful for my daughter and truly what a blessing she is to me and my husband, but their is the question of what my emotions will do the second time around?
To be honest, we knew we would never go on another birth control again, not because I think it's bad, or religious reason but because I don't think it does anything for my cycle. I like to say my body prevents pregnancy with or without birth control, so we do not use it.
After I had Brinley the question was "are we ready for a 2nd right now?"
I didn't know, but I did hear that your chances of getting pregnant shortly after birth was high. So for someone that doesn't get pregnant on their own I thought maybe this can be our chance! I can feel like I'm somewhat of a normal person. After waiting, of course, until the Dr. gave me the okay to even have sex, the first month when I got my period I was relived I wasn't expecting right way. Then the second month came and I was flooded with all the heartache again. All those feelings I felt when we were trying before came back. They are all still there, but this time I run and hold my baby girl and tears start streaming down my face, and I count my blessings. The 3rd month of trying I decided to count days and do everything we can to conceive again, and still there is no luck.
So we have talked about a plan about when we will go back to see our amazing Dr and hope to see the day of baby #2 soon!!
Until that day happens I will be back here sharing my ups and downs and the hard times we go through as women that struggle with me. I pray for so many of you, and want the best for you!!!