The fast close to IVF #3, and final

I have step away from blogging for some time now. I didn't even have a day to breath to what happen to us. I just fell down and brushed it off, pretending this was all a dream.
Recap:
First, I switched to a different dr because we moved and was hoping to try a different protocol too. I warned the Dr. that my last 2 IVFs I took longer than expected to get my eggs to mature size, so they worked with me and let me start ahead of the "group" (There are a few Drs in this clinic and all work at the same outpatient so they all get 1 week out of the month to use the surgery center and hope to get all their patients in that week) Obviously this doesn't always happen, like in my case.
My 1st ultrasound the dr was shocked and said wow, we are ready for an egg retrieval this week. So I came back two days later and then he noticed I wasn't growing as fast as he thought, so we started pushing back the egg retrieval.
Finally they scheduled me for a sunday morning, which to me is so nice and trusting, because what dr really wants to come in on a sunday...it would be so easy for him to push it 1 more day to monday to make it more easier.
I went in, and they were able to retrieve 12!
12!
This was my lucky time I thought. On top of it all we had asked so many family and friends to really fast and pray for us and I just knew and believed we had the Lord on our side.
The next morning I was just picturing all the different conversations I would be having with my nurse for this week...."all fertilized...and looking great."
"we lost some, but we are more than half way there"

I was waiting for the call, but trying to keep myself busy. Our almost 4 year old daughter was still at my parents house and I wanted to get ready and pick her up soon. My hubby was at the gym and I decided to jump in the shower to get ready for the day. I jumped out of the shower when I heard my phone ring and was completely blindsided what I was about to hear. I kept my tears together until I got off the phone and just broke down.
  I never, ever, ever prepared myself to here again for the 2nd time,
"I'm so sorry, but none of the egg fertilized with icsi"
I hung up and just let it hit me like a ton of bricks...just like that our 3rd IVF and 10th treatment was over...I had no hope left to hold onto. I couldn't stop sobbing. My better half came home sometime in the next 30-40 mins and cried too.
It was over

We met up with our Dr that day and he didn't give us anymore insight which was discouraging.
The rest of the week was the start of our grieving process...of denial. We went on like nothing ever happen, that I was just as happy and I could just pretend that all of this ever happened. Except one thing, our IVF loan. We still pay that off every month.
While IVF is the answer to some people trying to have a kid we are the select few that it doesn't work for.
We have decided we are moving on and closing our treatment chapter down.
But we are still Becoming a Family so I will still continue to blog about everything else but infertility treatments.