Healing

Healing take time and there is not right or wrong answer for how long is too long to take.
Over the past 4 years of trying after our daughter was born and 2 years trying before we got pregnant with her, I have definitely felt a lot of emotion and feel like I've been on a roller coaster ride. Right now, I'm healing... I feel like for me when I just lost and hurt I turn towards my faith and relationship with God. It's not like turning on a light switch but it starts giving me more and more comfort that I know he is there and I have to listen to him and think of the bigger picture. This can be so hard to do when other pregnancies are usually the happiest time for that soon to be mom, it can make me reflect on all my failed tries.
In the end of this life I hope to be living with my family and God, and I have learned this weekend something profound. Why would I want to be there and not have felt all the pain and sorrow my infertility has brought to me when I know my Lord and Savior had suffer it all so that I can live with him and my family again.
If I had no trials, or that I prayed tonight to be pregnant this month and it happened...how would I expect to know that I always chose the right path that wasn't always the easiest but lead me back to him.
grieving is good.
crying is good.
feeling sadness is good.
wanting is good
healing is good.
but there are somethings that I believe come from satan and that is when I start feeling guilty, angry, bitter, hatred, jealousy.
If I can just start healing a little bit more everyday I know I can find a peace in my life.
We have to choose Joy.
This next journey we are taking on gets me so excited to blog again, because their is not much out there. Speaking with my wonderful Dr. tomorrow....