Healing

Healing take time and there is not right or wrong answer for how long is too long to take.
Over the past 4 years of trying after our daughter was born and 2 years trying before we got pregnant with her, I have definitely felt a lot of emotion and feel like I've been on a roller coaster ride. Right now, I'm healing... I feel like for me when I just lost and hurt I turn towards my faith and relationship with God. It's not like turning on a light switch but it starts giving me more and more comfort that I know he is there and I have to listen to him and think of the bigger picture. This can be so hard to do when other pregnancies are usually the happiest time for that soon to be mom, it can make me reflect on all my failed tries.
In the end of this life I hope to be living with my family and God, and I have learned this weekend something profound. Why would I want to be there and not have felt all the pain and sorrow my infertility has brought to me when I know my Lord and Savior had suffer it all so that I can live with him and my family again.
If I had no trials, or that I prayed tonight to be pregnant this month and it happened...how would I expect to know that I always chose the right path that wasn't always the easiest but lead me back to him.
grieving is good.
crying is good.
feeling sadness is good.
wanting is good
healing is good.
but there are somethings that I believe come from satan and that is when I start feeling guilty, angry, bitter, hatred, jealousy.
If I can just start healing a little bit more everyday I know I can find a peace in my life.
We have to choose Joy.
This next journey we are taking on gets me so excited to blog again, because their is not much out there. Speaking with my wonderful Dr. tomorrow....

Birth Control Pills

Throughout our 7 years of infertility journey I always laugh when I heard other ladies having to take birth control before they started a IVF cycle. I guess I laugh to hard because this Dr and clinic has me starting on birth control pills to make sure we schedule the egg retrieval when the Dr has the outpatient surgery center schedule for him. So, now I see the importance of birth control before IVF cycles.
The best is when you go pick up the prescription and they have to go over everything because I mention I've never taken birth control before, hahaha. I almost rolled my eyes when she said you may want to use another form of protection until the medication kicks in.
All I could think of was, "If only you knew lady, If only you knew"
So the procedure I had last week jumped started my period a few days earlier, so I called the Dr office and  they had me started on the pill. I because the crazy person.
I stayed pro active this whole week because I knew things were coming up soon and knew I take forever to stim. It's a good thing I did my nurse called tonight and told me the Dr. made up my schedule and wants me to come in tomorrow morning and start Lupron tomorrow.
All I could think about was." AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, this is all getting so real again!!!!!"
So excited
yet so scared, again.
So I'm trying to calm myself down because my ultrasound tomorrow will give us our baseline count for my follicle and I really want the most to work with. 12-15 will be the best news ever....then if we can make sure my eggs are quality and ready to be fertilized.
We got our loan application all ready this week and ready to do this....
So here we go!

Waiting for it to grow

Yesterday turned into the longest day ever! It was great news on Sunday we had 1, but it means nothing if after 2 days the cells are not growing. So I knew today would tell us that information. 

My dr has always called anytime after noon so I my phone charge and on me with the loudest ring so I wouldn't miss it. Time slowly crept along. I put brinley down for a nap and just waited and waited. I was actually having a good time researching out the best acupuncturist for me, and I found her and made an appt for next Monday.

Side note- acuptucture during IVF can really help tr blood flow to help more eggs and follicle grow. So we've decided to add it in.

We have also decided weather this 1 embryo was good or not we would freeze it if good and take a month off then do another round of egg retrieval. My dr calls this batching and for us it's the best thing we can do right now.

So with that said I didn't think I was nervous for his call. I felt like I had a good idea of how the next 3-4 months will continue to go. When it was 2 I clock I started having more anxiety and why he hasn't called yet. By 2:45 I have thought of the worst so I called his office and left him a message to call me back.

It wasn't until almost 4 that he called back and quickly said the embryo is growing and would call me again tomorrow. 

Great news!!! We are thrilled that not all my eggs are old and bad. It gives us another chance to get more good ones next round. Thank you all for your text and phone calls and email help!! I do not know how people can do this alone. It takes a village to go through IVF!!