CD-12, 1of 2 IUI

written 9-11-13

It's been a long day already.
I woke up very early to make sure I took my hubby's swimmers to the office as soon as the open. It was so quite outside and even though school started this week no one was on the roads yet. I drove to the office and waited out in the hallway because I got their a bit early.
As I handed over my "lunch bag" with the swimmers, I couldn't help but just pray and hope for the best. It takes them about an hour to "wash and prep" them. I went back downstairs and grabbed a bagel to eat.
The sun was coming out and more people were making their way into the building. I went back upstairs into the office and sat and waited.
When they called back my name the first thing we needed to do was another ultrasound. This time each follicle took up the whole ultrasound screen.
They grew!!
They got a lot bigger. Their were still 2 of them there, which means I had not ovulated yet, but would still because of the HCG shot. With everything looking great there we went to the next room for the actually IUI.
They told me she noticed that my hubby's swimmers had double since the IUI with Brinley. We had over 30 million swimmers, amazing! So I'm thinking in my head, this has to work! This is going to work, maybe, just maybe both egg will be fertilized.
An IUI is comparable to a pap smear. They have to find the cervix though and open it up and keep it open....this time it was uncomfortable and painful at moments. When we got all the swimmers up there, they tilted the bed to help gravity take its course and I was to lay there for 10mins. After though I wasn't ready to get up, I just wanted to lay in bed all day!
I did get up and go back home and have been resting as much as I can. It has made me feel very tired though. It was a good day though and I'm ready for another round of the same thing tomorrow!

HCG shot

written on 9-10-13

I went in again this morning to do another ultrasound. Since having Brinley the whole office got TV's mounted on the wall to be able to watch everything going on with the ultrasound comfy laying down on the bed. So I love going in and  seeing the progress. 

Dr. Anderson was their today and did the ultrasound, he said everything is looking good. They found the 2 follicles that were seen yesterday and did another measurement (1st-23x19, 2nd- 22x20) . They both grow nicely and went over the 20mm that they hope for. So he said we were all ready for the trigger shot. 

We went into the other room and the Nurse came in with the hcg shot that will tell my body to ovulate (I've read stuff on timing and I'm not sure so I can't tell you positively what the facts are). Now I rest and wait to go in again tomorrow morning for another ultrasound and 1-2 IUI. Can't Wait!!

1st ultrasound

written on 9-9-13

I'm so ready for this! I love going into my Dr's and seeing everyone. 

Today, was a real hard day... Aside from my personal life I just heard news that a childhood friend I know lost her husband in a car accident this early morning, leaving behind his wife and 2 daughters. It just broke my heart I would be fine and then it would hit me again and  then I would break down crying. So coming into the office today was bitter/sweet. Knowing Joe and I would be able to bring another child into the world is wonderful yet my heart ache for her and her family. Thankfully I saw all my familiar faces at the office and helped me through the weeping appointment. 

I am in the time of my cycle where I am essentially growing eggs, not any new ones because women are born with a certain number of egg, so to help my process out we help more show up at a time. The only way to see how the eggs are growing is to have an internal ultrasound. It goes up the ying yan and shows up on a TV in the room. I don't know how they find it, but they are able to see each side of my ovaries and measure each egg that is growing. Since my periods are pretty short (around 26 days) I have to go in a few days earlier than normal to make sure we don't miss the IUI opportunity. 

Each month women typically develop one follicle (future egg) that becomes dominant and stops all the other eggs from growing any more. It is the body's way of trying to prevent a pregnancy with multiple babies unlike animals that have litters.

The Dr.'s are looking the follicle to be more than 20mm in size. Today I had 2 follicle that were growing a good size (1st- 20x16, 2nd-21x17)...almost ready for IUI, but in hopes that it grows just a little bit more we are waiting a day and going back tomorrow for another internal ultrasound. I did have 1 follicle on the other side but they noticed it was much smaller and the body probably stopped it from continue to grow and mature. They also measure out the lining in the uterus to make sure it is well and no cyst or scars. That was looking good and didn't have any issues. 

In case you really wanted to see what my ultrasounds are looking like I snapped a few pictures! 

So pretty I know, unless you know what you are looking for or someone points it out you can't even see the lining. It reminds me of the Friends episode where Rachael is pregnancy but can't tell on the ultrasound where the baby is! 

I'm soooo pumped!! I love this start and love watching a baby grow from day 1! I feel so blessed! Cross your fingers that we have a good IUI this week! 

Best thing to do during the 2WW??

online shop!!!

I love going to all my favorite places and creating a wish list. This gets me mentally prepared so when I do find out we are expecting I can really go through the list and decided what I thought would be fun but not useful. Everything consist of "if I had all the money in the world....my baby would need this"

so not true though... 

to come home from the hospital you need a car seat, diapers and food supple (breastfed or formula)

until then....I'm creating more and more wish list :)

off with clomids head!

Tonight is the last night I take my clomid and so far it hasn't been a big problem for me. I felt very bloated for a few hours last night and a bit crampy but nothing bad.  Last night I was up 3 times with Brinley and I had that thought...wow, am I ready to get up again with a newborn?

Then I thought...I don't think anyone is ready but when you see your newborns face you become more than human, you become a mom. And like most moms I know, they will do anything to not let their child feel pain when they don't need to. 

first day of Clomid

So I started taking Clomid at night because I heard it can make you tired. So my first full day was on day 4, with no side effects to complain about. I'm already getting so excited about this and can not wait, I've gotten back into looking into all the baby stuff and what came out new this past year.
I've also started preparing my mind and body for pregnancy. Thinking about getting pregnant again and having a newborn around made me realize I knew absolutely nothing when we had Brinley. I didn't even have nursing bra until my mom ran out and got some when Brinley was a day old. Like most things when you have done it once you know some what to expect. I fully expect though a completely different pregnancy and birth, and even though Brinley is a perfect child and the best sleeper ever....I know this one won't be. (I can still hope though!)

ultrasound check up

I went in this morning (sep. 2) to have the Dr. do the ultra sound to check the lining of my uterus and make sure everything is okay to start the processes. They did an internal ultra sound and could measure everything they needed to know. So we went ahead and gave me a prescription for clomid (exactly what we did last time, because it resulted to a great pregnancy). Starting tonight I take clomid for 5 days, I then go back in a week and we have another ultrasound to see how the eggs are developing.
I hope I don't have any major side effect of the clomid, because last time I only had some hot flashes and that is a piece of cake compared to others.

Day 1....tears

Day 1
of any women trying to get pregnant can be the hardest day. It's been my deepest lows and sorrows. This always mean, No baby.
But...today it means so much more! It's a fresh start to our journey to baby #2. We went in a few weeks ago and met with our Dr.
 Like before he said lets go back to what worked for you the first time. He sent us on our way with some homework;
Me: Prenatal, exercise, take care of my body
Hubby: NO SPA (takes about 3 months to build up your soldiers), no long bike rides (same reason)
On the first day of my next cycle I was to call in and let them know.
Let me just tell you I love my little infertility family (everyone in the Dr.'s office). When I call in I always know I'll be talking to 1 of 2 friendly voices that always answers the phones. Then I'll be working with nurses that are great and know on a first name bases too!
I called in this morning, Saturday Aug.31 and told them I started I started my cycle, I talked with my nurse I worked with before. She was so excited we were starting again for baby #2. I have to go in on day 3 for an ultrasound and prescriptions, which happens to be labor day, but because my office is so awesome I am still able to go in and get everything done. until Labor Day....

We're back!!!

I've been going back and forth on this post, but like most things I want to share my struggles and success. I find a lot of peace when I am able to find others to relate to on something I'm so passionate about, and try to help make women feel more comfortable talking about things like this to help pull us together and build each other up.
My passion has been about having a family,,,...with lots of kids.
Now, that Miss Brinley is over a year old we have been coming across the next question everyone seems to want to know as well...."So, When are you going to have another kid?"
I find it odd because it was hard enough to have the first so why would I know when I can have a second?
Joe and I decided after having Brinley we would not prevent being able to convince another child. We knew their is a possibility that we could convince a child on our own without medical interference and wanted the greatest chances of that happening. So with a 2 month old in my arms, I knew their was a possibility to get pregnant right away. But, month after month nothing became of our tries..and we were once again...infertile.
After moving back to our home state, California we got our health insurance squared away and were so excited about infertility being included....like a LOT  excited.
More good news is our Dr and his practice fits under that inhouse coverage.
We set up a date and met with him, again. This time so excited for what lay ahead. Our consultation was a lot shorter this time and a lot more personable, he did however tell us, we will go back to do what worked the first time (IUI), but don't expected it to work on the first try again.
Heavy words, but the reality of it all.
When I blogged about our treatments with Brinley I was so scared of the unknown. I wanted to blog about it but I had no idea what could happen, so I kept the post date 3 months after I wrote the post.
This time around...I will be making it more real time.
I don't by any means want to shout off a rooftop (Facebook) what I'm doing each step. I want this blog to  be a means of those that are curious or struggling as well to find something interesting to read.
If you come across this blog by all means share it with those you think can benefit for gaining a community of support. I will probably go more into details this time around because lets face it...I found it hard to educate myself the first time.
Next step:
We met with our dr. and decided the path we were going to go on with treatments, now we have to wait until I start my next cycle and give his office a call...I know what should happen after that, but I will leave that to my next post.
Thanks for following along!
Here's to baby #2!!

Military and infertiltity

You think you have it hard trying every month to convince when your infertile? I have not stop and think about the life of a military wife or spouse. I already know from family members in the military and friends you never know your day to day schedule and sometimes spouses can be gone a long time or deployed which makes starting a family and timing AND moving  to different doctors can be soooo challenging. My aunt sent me this wonderful interview of a military wife who started a Facebook page to help others in her feet get support from each other.
If you know someone struggling with infertility AND in the military pass this along to them.
I love the out reach people are going through to help others.

Plus I still have others working on their story for last weeks infertility awareness so stay posted, and hopefully I can get around to my story as well (in a nutshell).

interview of military's wife on Infertility

Guest Blogger....Finding their Journey (Kendra & Mark)

I want to remind readers that this is not easy topic for some couples to speak about, it's a very private and sensitive journey they are on and I know you are all amazing but I want to shower each one of these guest with the most love to opening up like this. Please be very kind, this is a real trial and heartache. Thanks! 

I have a deep connection with all my previous guest bloggers, but this one really hits home for me. I have been in Kendra's life since the day she was born. We are lucky to call each other cousins and friends. Our family, like many others have dealt with trails, and we have only grown closer as a family as each trail strengthens all of us as we support each other. My heart goes out to Kendra and Mark everyday, they are that couple that even on their bad days still make every mom and baby feel loved and special. They are going to be AMAZING parents.

For as long as I can remember I've wanted to have children.  I never even really thought about a career path I would want because I just wanted to get married and have babies and be a stay-at-home mom.  When Mark and I got married, we decided to wait a little while before trying to start our family, but deep down, every month I kind of hoped I would just accidentally get pregnant even while on birth control.  After about 8 months of marriage, Mark finally gave in and it was time to start our family!  I was so excited that the time was here and that I was going to be pregnant soon!  The prospect was so exciting and I couldn't even handle that I would have to wait 9 months for a baby to arrive. 

As you may have guessed, I wasn't pregnant that first month, or the next, or the next.  Month after month, I would get my hopes so high and would be sure I was pregnant, only find out that once again, I still wasn't pregnant.  Now, some 20 months later I'm still no closer to being pregnant.  I am infertile.

We've seen many doctors and they all insist that nothing is wrong with either Mark or I but for whatever reason I can't seem to get pregnant.   One of the hardest things about this process is the ups and downs.  The high hopes you get when you think this month is the month, and the terrible disappointment when you find out that it's not.  I know that some day Mark and I will be able to have children.  However, not knowing when that day will come is the hardest part.

Throughout this process I've learned that we are certainly not alone and that many people struggle with infertility.  Chances are you probably have someone close to you that is going through something similar and who is keeping it quiet as well.  

Guest Blogger...."Baby Deklan" Brittany Tashjian

I'm so happy that Brittany wrote something up for my blog this week. We just had the opportunity to meet for the first time, and our babies fell in love! I found her blog and found comfort and peace that I wasn't alone, I would read hers for support and inspiration. It made me want my own outlet to vent on and share with others so they don't always have to guess what I'm going through during our treatment process. We found out we were going in for treatments the same month (She was doing her first IVF and I was doing our first IUI). We were emailing all the time and followed the growth of these two beautiful miracle babies inside us. We have become life long friends and I'm so happy to share with you her beautiful family. 

My husband and I have been married nine and a half years now.  Almost eight of those years were spent trying to conceive. I was diagnosed with PCOS and never really had a cycle. I am still battling with this and probably always will. If I could look back now I would tell myself to enjoy life a little more. Try to relax and have faith. And then slowly those feelings of inadequacy I had then return. It felt impossible to enjoy life with such a heavy burden in my heart. How could Heavenly Father not trust me with one of his precious children? Was I not good enough? It felt painful to know that my righteous desire to be a mother may not ever come true.

 Infertility will ALWAYS be a part of our lives. It was the hardest trial I have ever had to endure. And trust me, I’ve had my fair share of crap thrown at me. Infertility feels unfair and lonely. It was impossible to not feel jealous or compare yourselves to your friends who had two, three, or even FIVE kids by now. I hated people who complained about being pregnant, or a teenager who had an “oops” baby.

I am here to tell you that there IS hope. I am not going to say that every person out there will have their miracle baby. But I WILL say that you are not alone. I feel blessed. After a lot of painful years, LOTS of drugs, shots, and LOTS of prayer, we were blessed with our miracle baby. He is ONE years old now and time is moving fast. He has rocked our world in the best way. Every day feels like a miracle to us. We appreciate every moment with this boy. J

After all is said and done I can honestly say that I am grateful for the trial of infertility. It’s not easy. It has opened my eyes and made me aware of others. Infertility doesn’t have to define you, but you can choose what you do with it. I am amazed at the community of women I have met along this journey. All these women are strong and inspirations to me.

If you are not struggling with this issue, chances are you know someone who is. Be patient and kind to these women. They are strong and fragile all at the same time. I have a great article on my blog of what NOT to say. Try to be understanding that infertility is as painful as loss. To those of you dealing with infertility REACH OUT! There are so many people with you struggling right now who need someone to talk to. I have met lifelong friends through my blog. Aubrey is one of them. J  I know that it feels dark and lonely, but I promise there is hope! And it’s worth it to focus on that. I have never been happier in my life and I am now excited for what the future holds! J

Her infertility blog: Ovulation success

Guest Blogger: Hoping to Adopt (Nate & Kenzi)

Kenzi and I met in 2003 and clicked the first day of beauty school. We had such a connection, loving doing hair but love going out camping and getting dirty. We had many fun girl trips and fun times. When I left on my mission, Kenzi met her husband, Nate. When we did our IUI Kenzi was the one I talked to a lot on the phone, or texted her for strength. She was a tough cookie. I broken down a lot and she just knew what I was going through. We both started out as puppy mommies and still share our love for our furbabies. She and Nate are going to be AMAZING parents one day, and I hope I can help get the word out to others about their adoption. While they are relaxing and enjoying their 6th anniversary in Hawaii here is a copy  of their adoption journey. 

Kenzi, Shy, and me in Park City, UT

Kenzi, Nate, Bella and Bud...

 Nate and I have been married for almost 6 years and can not wait to expand our little family! Don't get me wrong I love Bella and Bud (our 2 dogs) but I can not wait to be a mom!

For the two of us family is EVERYTHING!!! We live close to most of our family, and we enjoy spending time with them. As future parents we want create a loving family environment for our children. We hope to have an open loving relationship with our child's birth family. We want to create a plan that is best for everyone involved. We truly believe that our future children should not only know where they came from, but also know about the loving, selfless and incredible decision that was made to place them in our family.

With that said, here is a little more about the two of us...

Where it all began... In truth went to high school together but never spoke to each other. (Even still today, the debate continues between the both of us of who was just “TOO COOL”) We officially met after Nate returned from his mission. We were introduced by mutual friends, and it was history from there on...

Our first date was nothing short of eventful… Nate wanted to go on a "short hike" which ended up being an all day ordeal. He was in horrible physical shape, and wasn’t yet use to the high altitude. He passed off his exhaustion by stopping to "see the great view". Needless to say, we got lost a few times, but I was happy to oblige his "knowing of where he was going" and "taking in the great views" From that point forward we were together practically every day, and 9 months later we were engaged…

About Nate (By Nate)

I am a highly motivated person, and I enjoy attaining all of my goals and aspirations. I care deeply for my friends and family members. I am very observant, and I enjoy my own unique comedy! I like being active, and recently I have trained to compete in triathlons. I love sports! Playing, watching, and doing anything sports related! I played sports while growing up so it has been a lifelong passion. I love going to Utah Utes football games with my wife and family. I played for the Utes football team for two years while completing my Bachelor’s Degree in Accounting, and will forever be a fan!

About Nate (By Kenzi)

Nate is dedicated, loving, and entertaining. He loves to make people laugh. He especially loves football, and enjoys other sports as well. He enjoys training and competing in triathlons. He is extremely hard working, and he is a great provider for our family. Although Nate looks like a big tough guy, he is a giant teddy bear. Nate loves family traditions, and he cherishes spending time with our family during the holidays. Every Christmas he dresses up as Santa Claus for our nieces and nephew! His version of Santa often times includes a southern accent! He has been my rock! He is supportive of everything I do! I’m one lucky girl, and I cannot wait to see what an amazing dad he will be!

About Kenzi (By Kenzi)

Where to start… I am a tomboy turned into a Salon and Spa Education Director. So to say I like a lot of different things is pretty accurate. I love being active and have always enjoyed sports; however at the same time I love make up, hair products, and clothes! I love camping and getting dirty, but enjoy getting my hair done and having freshly painted nails. With that said, all of the material things would mean nothing without my family and friends. I am extremely blessed to have the support system that I do. I love my family more than anything, I and cannot wait to share the same blessing with my children.

About Kenzi (By Nate)

Kenzi is hard working, determined, and passionate about everything she does. If she starts something she is going to finish it! Kenzi loves to spend her time walking and playing with our two dogs Bella and Bud, working out, and spending time with family. She loves holidays, birthdays, and any other reason or excuse to celebrate and have a good time. She loves surprises, but only when she’s the one who is doing the surprising! She loves music, and she can often be found dancing with the dogs! She’s is fun, loving, and is going to be a great mom!

We hope this has helped you get to know the two of us a little bit more. We know that although adoption is going to bring us so much joy that it is a difficult and complicated process. We cannot express enough gratitude to you for considering adoption. Thank you for taking the time to read a little bit about the two of us.

With much love and gratitude, Nate and Kenzi

Nate and Kenzi's Blog

Adoption profile on It's about love.org

Guest Blogger...."Twins" Elise Eggett Johnson

I am so happy to start off my Guest bloggers this week! 

Today meet Elise and her amazing sweet twins, Maia and JD.

Elise sister in laws are my best friends and Elise and I have become close like family. We often joke that our kids are cousins because we share the same fertility Dr. Even when I lived on the east coast and was in the dark days of my infertility journey, Elise would send me inspiring books that really helped me.  Some of those books have been borrowed by others and I hope the chain keeps going. 

Today is the second birthday of my IVF-ICSI twins. In the midst of the first year of multiples, I didn't know how I would survive - after eight days each baby at a different hospital (the NICU at one and the PICU at the other) and a close call on day five, we had six months of hit-and-miss sleep training with our son, and then our daughter's major spinal cord surgery on their six month birthday (because she was born with spina bifida) put us back even more when it came to getting consistent rest. But today, looking back, I can't believe how quickly it's gone and how fast they are growing up. I have a lot of great memories of the first year even though it was hard.

After being diagnosed with specific fertility issues that would make it difficult for us to conceive with out significant intervention, we decided to skip the baby steps and go straight to IVF-ICSI. The hormone treatments made me feel horrible both physically and emotionally, but I knew what the goal was and didn't mind whatever it took to get there. We were incredibly blessed to get pregnant - with twins to boot - on our first round. Throughout the difficulties of having newborn twins, having gone through infertility completely shifted my perspective. No matter what we went through with our twins when they were born, I believe I had a stronger appreciation for my newborns because of the patience, energy, physical demands of IVF, and money we had invested into them before they were even conceived.

The last six weeks of my pregnancy I suffered from a pregnancy-induced liver disorder called cholestasis that made my skin itch so badly I would daydream about scratching it with sandpaper or a wire brush until it disappeared. The condition was also threatening to the pregnancy, and I was not allowed to carry our babies past thirty-six weeks. During this time, I remembered the couple of years when I would tear up shopping for gifts for pregnant friends and buy ten pregnancy tests every time I was an hour late on my period - hoping, hoping, hoping for a positive - and the discomfort of my condition was bearable. 

Another perspective shift I had from our twins began when our daughter was less than five pounds. At only five days old, we almost lost her due to a bad reaction to a sedative she was given for an MRI to assess the severity of her spina bifida. When she was wheeled away for the MRI, she was healthy and happy, sucking on her blue hospital-issued pacifier and wrapped in a warm, soft blanket. The next time I saw her, several hours later, she was having seizures, on a ventilator, hooked up to all sorts of EKG wires, and not looking well at all. The tape from the ventilator covered most of her face so all I could see were her closed eyes. Because our son was still at the hospital I had given birth at, in the NICU, my husband was not there with me when I was first allowed to see my daughter post-MRI. It was one of the scariest and lonliest moments of my life. As I poured out my heart in prayer for my little girl, I felt a very profound, comforting peace like nothing I had felt before, and although I didn't know if she would live, I felt ok (even though I was still sad for her and scared). Something in that feeling left a very strong impression on me that I had known my daughter for much longer than the 8 months I had carried her, like somehow my soul knew her deeper than I could explain and we had chosen each other for this life. This experience set me on a journey that has brought me a deeper relationship with my Heavenly Father and testimony of his divine, eternal plan for families than I have ever before had.

Between the efforts we went to in order to conceive, the difficulties late in my pregnancy, and the experiences I had with my children during their first week of life, I have not been tempted to take my time with them for granted. Being woken up in the middle of the night, changing diaper blow-outs, and even now, entering a phase where stuff is getting broken and the house is never clean because two toddlers are kind of like two tornados; all it takes to stay calm is a quick memory of how badly I wanted children during our infertility struggles and how blessed we were to keep both of our precious babies especially with the struggles early-on.

The most difficult part of infertility to me is that it seems there are so many babies being born into this world unintentionally, and without a strong family intact for them to take part in. And I have been awakened to this world of married couples, with all the love and family and security a child could ever need, who even when they are as intentional as science will allow, are unable to conceive. It is hard to find reason or justice in that. I don't understand why so many people are struggling with these issues, but I do know there has been good in my life from the difficulties getting pregnant. Perhaps it can be narrowed down to simple economics - that which we have to work the hardest for, we value the most. Infertility also taught me that I can't control my universe, and helped me to really see that although I may impact much of my circumstance, I rely on God for everything I am given - my story only had one treatment with very happy results, but the experience still taught me a lot and changed the way I view my world.

To all those struggling with infertility, I would say keep focusing on what is good about your life. Don't get so caught up in what is missing that you forget to be grateful for what you have. Allow yourself to feel the disappointment of not having the baby you want, but try to find things in life that allow you to feel joy and hope as well. Feel free to tell others you don't want to talk about it! People can be nosy. Feel free to tell others you DO want to talk about it! Sometimes those who could help you the most are hesitant to bring it up unless you do first. Your journey may end up in a pregnancy, or may end up in a totally unconventional (but joyful) type of family that you never imagined. Try to be open to the ways you can be a mother even before you are pregnant or nurturing children through another means. Keep growing and hoping! There is a light at the end of the tunnel even on days it feels dark.

You can follow her journey with twins on her blog at: 

http://joshandmaia.blogspot.com/

National Infertility Awareness Week April 21-27, 2013

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It's already Tuesday of our awareness week but we are going to catch up big time!! 

I have reached out to most of my dear infertile friends to share their experience and any tips that can help you. Most of the time just reading these stories gives me hope and strength by numbers! I love these women and so many have touched my life through my struggles.
I hope you read their story with a sensitive heart. It is never easy talking about.
Thanks,
xoxo
Aubrey