Our embryo donation journey begins

Almost a month after moving on from our donor we contact my Dr.'s nurse to get an idea of where we were on the wait list. I had to make decisions about health insurance and it was between two great insurance companies but two completely different maternity coverage or hospital delivery and where. I was hoping to know if it was more in the June range or late 2017.
Beyond my surprise....we were up next!
It was one of the happiest days of my life, my eyes flooded with tears or hope and joy and excitement.My husband and I just were in complete shock and so much excitement.
Later that day our nurse emailed over a 4 page list of 4 line descriptions of embryos that were up for adoption.  Out of the 4 pages only 4 families had done PGS testing on their embryo and would be able to know abnormal embryos from normal ones. (remember in this post we had the 2 embryos we got from IVF 2 that were tested and both came back abnormal, both boys, one was missing a chromosome and one had an extra one)
So my husband and I knew we wanted PGS tested embryo already. Then from the 4 family, 4 stuck out to us so strong.
At this point all we knew was...
DEP#____
 How many embryos there were? grade 4AA, 5BB
Year the were frozen
Female: egg donor? age of spouse? ethical background
Male: sperm donor? age? ethical background
(and if pictures were available) which we will always keep this private.so don't ask

We asked for the profiles from the 3 families we wanted to know more from. our nurse emailed us over pages and pages on each family of embryos. We waited a few nights before we sat up in bed going over them. My husband reading them and I was to take notes....pros and cons. Cliffnotes on embryos
We knew that night which family batch we were going to transfer from, but decided to take the whole weekend to think and pray about it together and separate. It was so overwhelming that night but it was good for us to get in. This part of the process can't be understand until you have gone through something like this. Know these aren't your biological kids but that they were meant for your family and you were always meant to be their mom and dad.
I think we waited until Tuesday to email the nurse back and she made sure that they were reserved by us. She told us we have 6 months to do a FET (frozen embryo transfer). I assured her we would be quick.

1st failed IUI

It's hard to sit here and say what I'm feeling because I have so many different emotions.
Dreams of becoming a mom to many never seemed like it was going to be hard to get there. After struggling to become pregnant naturally I was scared but ready for modern medicine. When we got pregnant on our first treatment I was so surprise and excited, I thought we found a solution to our problem and we would go on having as many kids as we like.
Well,
Life throws us curve balls and keeps me looking for strength in my faith and beliefs.
The day is not over yet, but I've held on to my little miracle a little longer and requested for more kisses than ever. I knew she was a blessing and I could never take her for granted, but when you have a failed pregnancy you really hold on tight to the ones you have.
I want to say I knew this was coming...
but honestly it could have gone either way and I would have a list of reasons why I knew I was or was not pregnant.
I was scheduled to go into the Dr. office tomorrow for the blood work but I woke up this morning to an unpleasant surprise, my periods came.
Just so you know having a child already does not make this part any easier.
It's been a roller coaster day of emotions, but I will lay my head to sleep tonight and wake up happy and ready to start round 2 of IUI. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers that we will be able to have more kids.


9/23/11- BFP (baby girl born 6/1/12)
9/25/13- BFN (1st failed IUI)

He knows me

I have been pondering to share more on this though or to keep it very private, but what is that going to do for me. I've already learned it, more importantly I felt it and know it.

Their will come a time in your life when you are going through some sort of difficulty and as normal you feel lost and confused. Many times asking why? or whats next?
When it gets so dark and we are so stubborn to turn towards the Lord we seek elsewhere. We can feel like our Lord and Savior are no longer cheering for us to succeed in life but have just completely forgotten about us. Our emotions are like a yo-yo. Sometimes we are fine and sometimes we want to crawl into a dark hole for the winter and not come out for a good year. Sometimes we give up on ourselves.

This is where we are wrong.

I was in tears crying when a dear friend of mine who I grew up with told me a few weeks ago about a feeling she had.
We had not talked to each other in years, but still we close. When she came into town and we went out to catch up, I opened up about my fertility issues. She and I sat and cried as she told me a story that happened to hear a month or 2 before our meeting up.  She was pondering who she could add to her prayers, not knowing why she said my name came so clear to her. She didn't doubt for a second why? but did as she felt prompted and prayed for me for quite some time. It was a tender mercy, this dear friend who I had not spoken to was my angel. The Lord knew I needed prayers and because my friend was in the right place (the temple, at the right time (when I needed help) she was ready to be my angel. She was very aware that I needed to know this and needed to know whatever I was going through Heavenly Father is right here and is aware of every prayer. I know he hears me...when I'm crying in my sleep, he hears me.

Tonight as I listened from a witness of Jesus Christ, in his talked he made it known many times that the Lord knows what we are struggling with and wants us to show him we know and remember the commandments. It was another Tender Mercy in my life. He may not ease or take away my burdens and trials but he will carry me through them.