infertility counseling

Last month I finally books my therapist session. I chose one close by my house and she claimed on her website she dealt with infertility. needless to say I spent a good amount of the time just trying to explain to her how IVF works. I left feeling bummed and got home to set out to find another one, that really specialized in infertility.
Just 30 mins later under my insurance page I found one that had group therapy for infertility. I called her, Dr. Kristina Brosius-Rodriguez right away to sign up but she was no longer having the classes. I was so bummed at first until we started talking and found out she herself had been through failed rounds of IUI/and IVF's and knew a lot of what I was feeling at this time.
I was lucky enough to grab a regular Wednesday spot for the next week. I didn't know why I needed to go other than IVF is hard and having someone to talk to you and give you pointers how to keep calm is someone I needed.
Our first visit was great. I felt comfortable and relax and so happy she knew the lingo.
I am now an educator on why IVF patience can benefit from a weekly therapy session. We talked about meditation and she gave me a recommendation for one she liked that Oprah does! Every once a while they start a new meditation group online, you sign up for free and you get emails and download the meditation.
Starting Aug. 11, 2014 a new one will start called, expanding your happiness, now who couldn't use that help???
Check it all out at Meditation Experience

all ready for round 2 IVF

Last IVF 2 months ago was such an emotional roller coaster. I was sinking into depression and wasn't sure I would even want to blog again about round 2.

So, what made me decided to type all this again?

I'm so happy and confident working with
1. nutritionist
2. acupuncturist
3.therapist
4. meditation
5. great fertility specialist Dr. Anderson
I feel like I am going all out for this cycle, and even though a lot of these stuff takes a few months to have effect on a healthy IVF cycle I need to do all I can.

Today marks the start of IVF, and I have been counting down the day to start and get things going again. Everything is so timed so when I found out I would be missing my brothers up coming wedding because I'll be seeing my Dr. for blood work and ultrasounds everyday next week I was bummed. I talked with him and we have a good understanding and love for each other.

Today I feel hopefully, excited, bit tired and happy!!!

We are not alone

Jaime King Opens Up About Infertility and Five Miscarriages: I Have to Be Brave to Support Others

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Jaime King

JUSTIN CAMPBELL/STARTRAKS

BY EMILY STROHM

 

UPDATED 07/27/2014 at 09:00 AM EDT 

•ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED07/27/2014 09:00AM

After welcoming her first child, son James Knight last October, actress Jaime King has opened up about the struggles she faced during her painful pregnancy and childbirth. 

"For all the struggling women & moms out there that think they are alone – This is the truth about conceiving my son and struggles after. 8 yrs of pain and undiagnosed PCOS & Endometriosis," she posted on Instagram on Friday (the post has since been taken down). 

"9 doctors until Dr. Randy Harris diagnosed me & saved my life from a severe ectopic, 5 miscarriages, 5 rounds of IVF, 26 IUI's, most with no outcome, 4½ years of trying to conceive, 26 hours of brutal labor, early delivery b/c of sudden preeclampsia, tearing and tearing after the stitches were in once I was home, milk supply issues, painful mastitis, uncontrollable crying while breast feeding, worked until the day before I [gave] birth and went back after 6 weeks after because I was afraid of letting others down." 

King, 35, told ABC News in May that it had taken her a long time to get pregnant, but the Hart of Dixie actress felt compelled to share more details of her story to support women who are dealing with the same struggles. 



"#youarenotalone," she wrote in her post along with two more hashtags that read "#ihavetobebravetosupportothers" and "#realtalkthatterrifiesus" 

Nutritionist

If you ask my husband about my diet he would say I was not a healthy eater. I feel like I eat better or change my diet when I have that wash jeans feeling, you know the one when you just put your jeans on right after they have been washed and dried. You do some squats to stretch them out and grab just an apple for breakfast.

I have the personality that I tend to listen to a person by there ranking. Sad to say but even my best friend could make me change my mind even if it the exact same thing my husband has been saying a million different ways a million times. With this said back in March I decided I was ready to cut out all sodas for health reasons. I found myself haven't a hard time completely kicking the habit, so I knew if I talked to my ER dr I would listen to whatever he would say. So when I went in and asked him how bad soda is for me going through all my treatments, he laugh a little like I was crazy for even asking him such a silly question and said that stuff has nothing good in it for you. 

So just like that I have quit it, easy too. 

So I knew meeting with a nutritionist would help me a lot too. Also my aunt got me a book called The Kind Mama,  by alicia silverstone. While the book has caused some controversial, I feel like there is a bit of good education for me in there. It helps teach me what foods are good for going through IVF. I like to stay in the middle....but you can find a little green in me (I still cloth diaper). I would say I like to stay in the middle of the whole spectrum. I don't believe that you can cure all with just what you eat.
So my nutritionist talked about my diet and we decided while it wouldn't be best to over night make a change, I could week by week.
It's been almost a month now and I have been feeling great! I had some pizza, and hot dog here and there but nothing like I used to. My weight has stayed the same (maybe a pound lighter depending on the day).
Here are something and why my nutritionist asked me to skip on or add to help our IVF cycle.
1. MORE lefty green
2. Raw nuts
3. Keep your body warm and avoid or minimize cold foods and drinks.
4. switch from using antiperspirant to a deodorant that does not contain aluminum chloride.
5. Body lotion- switch to coconut or sunflower oil. face lotion should be 100% aloe.
6. Avoid using products that contain sulfates or parabens. These chemicals are commonly found in beauty products, such as soap, shampoo, lotion, sunscreen.
7. choose naturally sourced cleaning products.
8. swithc to a fluoride free toothpaste.
9. Begin to find supportive ways to reduce your daily stressors. (meditation)

The things I was already doing that they said to cut out, no soda or caffeine. I don't drink but alcohol is bad when doing IVF.
Process food is the number 1 thing to cut out of your diet when trying to retrieve better eggs for IVF. So, I am doing my best and I feel like its making a difference.
There was one more thing I wanted to add into my life before our IVF cycle and that was to meet with an infertility counselor once a week. I'll follow up a post about how I found one and how it is going so far. 

Today show Savannah Guthrie sends love and prayers

Infertility is all around. I feel like the more and more I speak openly about this topic the more I feel so many others are starting the same journey.
I saw my aunt and uncle post this article from the Today Show and I wanted to post it up on my blog since its so great to read.

Savannah's Maternity Musings

Savannah Guthrie: 'Love and prayers' to those dealing with infertility

I recently read (and posted on Facebook) my friend Bobbie Thomas' honest, funny and touching essay about going through IVF. I am always impressed by Bobbie, but in this case, even more so. She is amazingly strong — not just to go through the insanely arduous IVF process, but also to share it and to take the arrows that sometimes come with going through life's ups and downs on national television.

She even coined a hashtag to capture her message in social media parlance: #nomorewhispers. And that's the spirit in which I write this week.

Bobbie raised something so important that I've thought a lot about, given my current circumstances. I've been so overwhelmed and blown away by the kindness, heartfelt joy and good wishes for me as I've gone through this pregnancy journey in front of the whole world — or at least our TODAY audience.

But one thing I've thought a lot about, and worried about, too, is how one person's joy can be painful to another person going through their own struggles. This is something I understand personally, and something those struggling with fertility have to deal with every day — whether they are turning on their television or going to work or just hanging out with friends.

Samantha Okazaki/TODAY

Ah, those little baby onesies -- so cute, but even something innocent and sweet can be a hard reminder when you are struggling with infertility.

A poster on my Facebook page recently shared her experience. She was really candid about how difficult it was to see her friends getting pregnant and having babies, and having to attend baby showers and coo over new kids, while she herself was struggling to start a family. On top of that, she felt guilty for feeling that way. I think we can all relate to that: feeling bad because we feel bad.

(By the way, Facebook is the place everyone posts their pictures of smiling kids or joyous engagements or exciting new adventures. This is wonderful and as it should be, but it can be excruciating if you are struggling and wishing for some of those experiences for yourself to no avail.)

I can remember many difficult times in my personal life when even just turning on the TV could be painful — everyone seemed to have it together and I felt totally alienated by the happy, well-adjusted people on TV who didn't seem to struggle.

So, in the spirit of Bobbie's candor and courage, I just want to send love and prayers to all those who are going through difficulties of their own. What I wrote back to the young woman on Facebook is what I truly believe: be compassionate to yourself. What you're going through is one of life's most difficult challenges. Things will get better, but in this moment just do the best you can, and be sure to be as gentle and kind to yourself as you are with others.

Acupuncture

After having such a hard 1st IVF then it failing really made me think, is there something else I could be doing to help out my body more. Infertility makes you feel like you have NO CONTROL over your body and able to grow a family and feel like a women. So looking and talking with my Dr. I have shared with you guys before I would be adding acupuncture, nutritionist, and therapist that all specialize in infertility.

So first thing first, I had to research and ask a ton of family and friends of any referrals. Since we have great coverage of acupuncture I went through to see who was in-network first under our insurance. 

Like you would expect everyone had a Chinese name and specialized in infertility but also 40+ things. 

On the second day of research I came across , Megan Joyce, licensed acupuncturist.

I had a good feeling about her and the fact that she specialized in women health including infertility was huge for me. I love that she had 1.5-2 hours booked for your first appointment to go over every single thing. 

So I went in this morning for my first try ever of acupuncture. (back in June 2014)

Her office was so nice, clean and modern. I felt so calm and relax there too. We spent the first 1.5 hours going over my medical history and what I had concerns about. The last 30mins was the acupuncture time. I didn't feel a thing and had such a nice nap. I made sure to schedule my next appt. in the afternoon so I could really nap and relax. 

I'll be going back in weekly now and really feel like this will help the blood flow which will help egg growth.

2 Months later:
I was going once a week to see megan untl my egg retrieval month came and I was in there seeing her 3 times a week. I started listening to my IVF meditation, Circle and Bloom.  These sessions were not as relaxing as the first month. She had me hooked up to a simulator and it didn't hurt it just didn't feel like a good nap time. 

Now, that I have decided to do egg retrieval 3  I wish my insurance would cover more. I want to be able to go as much as possible without breaking the bank. I know it really helped me and I know having her help me change my diet to eat things that will help my egg growth is so helpful.
I do believe in acupuncture and I love it. 

Back to square 1- Failed IVF

When I didn't hear from my Dr yesterday I thought something must be wrong. I knew I had my post-Op apt this morning and I would talk to him then about everything and go from there.
When he walked in the room he informed me right away that the embryo had stopped growing and we would no longer be able to freeze it.
 I felt like I knew this was coming so I didn't take it hard. We talked about our new plan and I was required to take a month off. Even though my body feels back to normal again, we did an ultrasound and he showed me that my ovaries were still double the size and I needed to make sure I wasn't doing any activity or working out.

Waiting for it to grow

Yesterday turned into the longest day ever! It was great news on Sunday we had 1, but it means nothing if after 2 days the cells are not growing. So I knew today would tell us that information. 

My dr has always called anytime after noon so I my phone charge and on me with the loudest ring so I wouldn't miss it. Time slowly crept along. I put brinley down for a nap and just waited and waited. I was actually having a good time researching out the best acupuncturist for me, and I found her and made an appt for next Monday.

Side note- acuptucture during IVF can really help tr blood flow to help more eggs and follicle grow. So we've decided to add it in.

We have also decided weather this 1 embryo was good or not we would freeze it if good and take a month off then do another round of egg retrieval. My dr calls this batching and for us it's the best thing we can do right now.

So with that said I didn't think I was nervous for his call. I felt like I had a good idea of how the next 3-4 months will continue to go. When it was 2 I clock I started having more anxiety and why he hasn't called yet. By 2:45 I have thought of the worst so I called his office and left him a message to call me back.

It wasn't until almost 4 that he called back and quickly said the embryo is growing and would call me again tomorrow. 

Great news!!! We are thrilled that not all my eggs are old and bad. It gives us another chance to get more good ones next round. Thank you all for your text and phone calls and email help!! I do not know how people can do this alone. It takes a village to go through IVF!!

ONE

Anyone who has been through this process knows you don't know how many embryos you have until right before you are ready for the transfer. So when the Dr told me at my Egg Retrieval I knew the numbers were just going to go down from there. They fertilized 4, and today we found out we only have 1. I can go on and on how much I cried and how much I felt like this is over, but I have to stay positive and hope and pray for this one embryo. I know when we had Brinley she beat a lot of odds, even from the very beginning my dr called and said my blood work with her said I was pregnant, but it was so low that I would probably miscarry. Yet, she didn't..she fought and she stayed. So I need to find that faith and hope again for this embryo.
For now I will wait until Tuesday and we will have a few decisions to make then.

Hope

To say I was a hot mess yesterday is a understatement. 

I called two of my closest friends that have both been through IVF and asked them about what I was going through and if they had heard anything like this before. They both said I had every right to freak out but in the same breath give it another day or two before I think all is lost. 

I kept distracted all day today and decided to wait until my dr said, and that he would call me Sunday to let me know how many have made it to the next step. This is making me feel more confident. We still have a journey till we even implant it then after too. So fun to wait and wait

possible failed ICSI Fertilization

While the first day after your Egg Retrieval is usually the happiest filled with hope and wonder how many of your egg fertilize.
I was simply one of the unlucky ones that didn't have my eggs make it to fertilization.
While I was waiting all morning for my Dr to call with the results, I knew the longer and longer the wait, the worst of the news. While I was getting our 2 year old out of the pool and ready for nap, my Dr. called and I didn't even hear to the phone.
In the nicest way possible he left a message letting me know that yes they were able to get 6 eggs, and after waiting the 6-8 hours to see how many are mature. By then, only 4 had made it and they  performed the ICSI (they take one sign sperm and inject it into an egg, making it impossible to not just fertilize, unless your me I guess) So with 4 being injected they have to sit and wait until the next morning to see the signs that it had fertilized. I guess they were just waiting it out trying to see if anyone of them would and not a sign that one had fertilized. On his message he did say he would check back in Sunday because maybe it could still happen, that we still had hope, but I think he was just saying that maybe there is a 1% chance of that happening.
I guess I can only hold my breath until Sunday now.

My husband called back and the nurse said she would check the lab tomorrow and give us a call Saturday to see if there is any hope.

Egg Retrieval Day

It's was a great morning. We got to sleep in have some pillow talk with ms brinley in our bed.

Call me crazy but I had time it all out.

It was a good morning, everything got done perfectly and I had a great time relaxing at the surgery center. 

It's hard not to have a good time when you are getting perfect pictures of your daughter back at home like this....

Here we are right before they are wheeling me in. After they gave me the good drugs to relax me and then when I went in the room they put me out before I could remember a thing.

When I woke up from recovery I remember looking at a clock. A few days earlier I remember them telling me that I would have until about noon to wake up and so I was watching the clock because I just wanted to lay there and sleep.
By the time noon came around I was fully awake and knew they would sent me on my way. We got in the car and came home. When I got home I went right back to sleep and rested the rest of the afternoon.
Earlier in the day (when I was fasting) I was dreaming about sushi, so I told Joe if I feel up to it I wanted to go out for Sushi that night.
He got Brinley in bed for me at 7pm and we were out for dinner by 7:30. I stayed out way to late, but it was worth all you can eat sushi!!!
It was a good, easy day for an egg retrieval.

Pre-Op, IVF appointment # whatever

Today was the worst day of them all.
I woke up to the worst migraine and I had to get to the drs early. I didn't know how I was going to make it, but I thought if I start moving and get my routin I would be okay. 

I grabbed a water and chocolate protien shake and started driving. I was also running late because I was trying to sleep in longer to make my migraine go away. 

As I drove I made myself more and more car sick. As I pulled into the parking lot, grabbed my parking ticket and knew I needed to throw up. I hurried and pulled into the handcap parking spot, got out and ran over to the bushes and threw up my chocolate drink. The worst was getting all over my white shoes and pants. I was so disgusted.

Thankful for baby wipes I cleaned up best I could and headed up to the drs. 

This time they only did blood work and talk to me about my pre op procedure for the next day.

We finished everything up, and although I wasn't feeling nausea at the time, I still wasn't feeling great.

I started driving back home and just a few stop lights in I felt sick again. This time I was the first car stopped at a red in a huge intersection ( crown valley and margarite). 

I had no choice but to open my door and vomit outside. I was so afraid the light would turn green and I'd still be throwing up. Luckily it was a long light and as I started driving  again I knew I had to pull over. I finished throwing up all my breakfast and made it home. Crawled in bed and slept the rest of the day.

Thank heavens I made it through that day, and hope tomorrow is better.

IVF appointment #10

CD- 18!

Wow I can't believe my poor responding ovaries took this long to get the size we need. My dr came to conclusion today that we are ready to schedule my egg retrieval! Whoo! Tonight at exactly 11:30 my husband will give me my HCG shot that will make me ovulate in exactly 36 hours and my ER will be exactly 34 hours so we can hope to get the most mature eggs. Fingers cross 

IVF appointment #9

This will never end.....
Today's ultrasound was showing a lot more hope. I was so happy and chatty that I didn't want to keep track of the follicles and sizes. I did notice the 2 Huge follicle on my right side and talked to my Dr. about it later. To sum it up he told me my body is finally responding better and he doesn't care to go under to grab those 2 because he has often found huge follicles can have no egg in them, so our focus is on the other ones that are almost mature and the ones that are already.
So again...we are going on 2 weeks of follistim (IVF drugs). I have been moody, but soo soo grateful we are able to do IVF and I just hope the best for the egg retrieval later this week.