We are back! After a job change and move we are looking to start 2016 off again with IVF.
Last time we started TTC for baby #2, we had great insurance, it had so much fertility coverage that we wore it all to the ground. We used up our $30,000 life time medicine coverage...and $80,000 of treatment... and we still didn't have a baby so you can understand how I'm ready to do this all again but so scared because we are back to paying out of pocket (like we had to when we first started TTC and got pregnant with our daughter)
My husband and I both said we wouldn't do this again unless we found a clinic that would do a money back guarantee program, but after research all those clinics are not top rated.
After a friend telling me about a website Best IVF clinic and under the frozen transfer (not fresh) I found my past RE rated #3, and then 2 others above. So I started researching those clinics. One being so close to me and another a good 2+ hour drive I decided to have consultations with a few.
After meeting with 2 I'm in limbo if I should just meet with the #1 clinic even though I would never ever want to drive up to LA from SD for an IVF cycle (knowing how often you have to go).
We talked about different protocol and thats where I'm lost. The last 2 IVF we did Ganirelix protocol, and both 2 RE I met with would want to switch me to Lupron protocol.
I already schedule a few test for next week to update in our records and we will go from there.
Thank you!
Saturday, December 12, 2015
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Never written post
I am in such a better place these days and it's all because I have grieved and accepted that I may only have 1 child and I could be happy with that.
Of course, this is all much much easier said than done.
Now, I still have days where I wish with all my might I could be pregnant, but it's a work in progress. Still seeing my therapist and helping me focus on what I have been given is helping. For me, also my faith is my rock and foundation. I know their is a God and I know there is a plan for me, and every time I have a hard time I have to know that he hears my prayers and my cries to expand our family. I no longer have pregnancy guilt, and I actually have, yes this was really hard for me, but I have held babies in the last month and enjoyed it, instead of being bitter and angry. We are definitely working on other things in our life that we want and getting all of our medical bills paid off before we return to having a 2nd child, weather it will be through IVF, donor egg, or adoption.
It's been a long 18 months doing treatments almost every month but we have change and changed for the better. I have met some amazing friends and have a community around us that cheer us on. Thank you all for being a friend, a reader, and hoping to understand emotional trails that some have to deal with.
Of course, this is all much much easier said than done.
Now, I still have days where I wish with all my might I could be pregnant, but it's a work in progress. Still seeing my therapist and helping me focus on what I have been given is helping. For me, also my faith is my rock and foundation. I know their is a God and I know there is a plan for me, and every time I have a hard time I have to know that he hears my prayers and my cries to expand our family. I no longer have pregnancy guilt, and I actually have, yes this was really hard for me, but I have held babies in the last month and enjoyed it, instead of being bitter and angry. We are definitely working on other things in our life that we want and getting all of our medical bills paid off before we return to having a 2nd child, weather it will be through IVF, donor egg, or adoption.
It's been a long 18 months doing treatments almost every month but we have change and changed for the better. I have met some amazing friends and have a community around us that cheer us on. Thank you all for being a friend, a reader, and hoping to understand emotional trails that some have to deal with.
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
IUI
I havent blogged about this cycle for a lot of reasons, but now that I'm in the 2 week wait until that HCG blood test I have to write down my feelings.
We had the best numbers we have ever had in both follicle count and swimmers!! We are beyond grateful and hopeful. We have a ton of faith that if this works or doesn't we have done EVERYTHING we can and it's left up into God's hands.
I feel more at peace with this and grateful for the opportunity to be able to do this physically and emotionally. It is a everyday battle!
Life one of my good friends said, Infertility is an everyday battle.
With that said...I don't think I'm ready to write more in this blog for the time being. I don't know when I'll be back with an update, but I don't want to feel like it has to be in 2 weeks or 3 months. Thank you for all the Love and support!!!
xoxo
We had the best numbers we have ever had in both follicle count and swimmers!! We are beyond grateful and hopeful. We have a ton of faith that if this works or doesn't we have done EVERYTHING we can and it's left up into God's hands.
I feel more at peace with this and grateful for the opportunity to be able to do this physically and emotionally. It is a everyday battle!
Life one of my good friends said, Infertility is an everyday battle.
With that said...I don't think I'm ready to write more in this blog for the time being. I don't know when I'll be back with an update, but I don't want to feel like it has to be in 2 weeks or 3 months. Thank you for all the Love and support!!!
xoxo
Friday, October 3, 2014
True Life of going through multiple IVF's
The worst thing infertility women have to go through is when another "announce" their pregnancy. While everyone is dancing in one corner, we are breaking down crying thinking this is never going to happen to me.
It just sucks....
After a year off facebook, my therapist has been trying to help me be apart of the world again. (a year ago we started fertility treatments, AFTER we spent a year of trying to have another child, in this past year to help myself not get so emotional and upset every time someone announces a pregnancy on social media I went off, I also avoid hanging out with anyone that was going to pop up pregnant. I became a loner, just to avoid heartbreak).
It's been probably about a month since being off facebook and I felt like I have really learned how to be apart of normal activity again, until this week. I can not take it....so therefore I'm off all social media but my one blog I can vent.
with that sad,
infertility sucks....
and we are not pregnant
and I'm going to stay alone.
why is PGS is so important
This is our result paper.
Our two embryos that are boys, but have one less or one extra of a chromosome and will not be able to transfer.
Whats next?
It's been a long emotional week. We decided earlier this week though to get the 2 embryos we have frozen to be tested.
PGS testing is fairly new to most IVF clinics. It stands for Pre-Genetic Screening. They can take a biopsy from the embryo and look at the whole strand of DNA. They count the chromosomes and see if their is any genetic disorder. With doing this type of test you are making your transfer more successful.
Since my Dr was going to be gone with other fertility dr, I knew I couldn't do an egg retrieval, but I could still do an IUI. I started the shots at night Tuesday and am being closely monitored now for my IUI. I know this is a long shot, but knowing my infertility disease is unhealthy eggs, all it needs is one good one in the batch to create a pregnancy. So, I do have some hope that this could work again.
Monday, September 29, 2014
IVF # 3
Have you ever done IVF???
Have you ever been on a roller coaster- almost the same feeling
sometimes you are up, sometimes you are down and sometimes you throw up.
Today I was so excited to call the Dr. office to start my ultrasounds and stims. I called in the morning and waited to hear back from the nurse to schedule a time.
I was headed to acupuncture and right as she was putting in the needles the office called. I decided to just wait and call back after, no urgency was needed. Everything could wait.
I was wrong.
I got in my car and listen to her message. All I could hear in the message is "I'm sorry, you can't do another egg retrieval " I just froze and I thought, this must be a joke?!?! Was it April 1st? I made sure I was months before all the holidays. So why wasn't I am to do another egg retrieval this month??
My dr. looked at my previous charts and my eggs are so slow growing that usually it takes 2 weeks of stims but mine have always taken 3 weeks, which will fall right in the middle of his conference and all the other back up dr's too.
I just sat in my car and bawled my eyes out. How could I get sooo unlucky again? I already took a month off to prep my body for the meds and now your saying I have to wait another and then I might not be able to do the transfer until next year.
I was so down. I called my husband and I told him " I'm done" my body and emotions cant take this anymore. I am fine with living with the 1 perfect, adorable kid we have.
Tonight we talked it over together and thought of all our options. There is way to much to type up to describe what our thoughts process is, but we have come to decided what we are going to do now...
next up...my dr app tomorrow morning and talking with my dr about our new game plan.
tomorrow I will explain....
Have you ever been on a roller coaster- almost the same feeling
sometimes you are up, sometimes you are down and sometimes you throw up.
Today I was so excited to call the Dr. office to start my ultrasounds and stims. I called in the morning and waited to hear back from the nurse to schedule a time.
I was headed to acupuncture and right as she was putting in the needles the office called. I decided to just wait and call back after, no urgency was needed. Everything could wait.
I was wrong.
I got in my car and listen to her message. All I could hear in the message is "I'm sorry, you can't do another egg retrieval " I just froze and I thought, this must be a joke?!?! Was it April 1st? I made sure I was months before all the holidays. So why wasn't I am to do another egg retrieval this month??
My dr. looked at my previous charts and my eggs are so slow growing that usually it takes 2 weeks of stims but mine have always taken 3 weeks, which will fall right in the middle of his conference and all the other back up dr's too.
I just sat in my car and bawled my eyes out. How could I get sooo unlucky again? I already took a month off to prep my body for the meds and now your saying I have to wait another and then I might not be able to do the transfer until next year.
I was so down. I called my husband and I told him " I'm done" my body and emotions cant take this anymore. I am fine with living with the 1 perfect, adorable kid we have.
Tonight we talked it over together and thought of all our options. There is way to much to type up to describe what our thoughts process is, but we have come to decided what we are going to do now...
next up...my dr app tomorrow morning and talking with my dr about our new game plan.
tomorrow I will explain....
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Hard day
Today was a real hard day. To say my emotion are all over the place is an understatement.
My miracle two year old had the most meltdowns today with screams in the highest pitch. I wanted to scream back at her how much I hurt inside because I can not give her a brother or sister, how hard financial this is taking on her mom and dad. How we have to rely so much on my family right now for a house over our head so we can figure out how to pay for our next treatment. Or who is going to watch her while I drive 45 mins each way to the dr's/ acupuncture, and who can watch her while I'm getting therapy because sometimes, just sometimes I feel like a failure who is all alone. Infertility can make you feel all alone, and while some may say I would wish this all to go away next month and miraculously be pregnant, I don't.
I'm grateful for this trial! would I want to be done with all of this and hope that Christmas time rolls around and I'm pregnant- YES, but I have to live in reality and focus on what I do have and with Brinley and Joe they make me want to be better and a stronger person for the next person that I have to hear is going through the same struggles.
To all those that are feeling like you are alone, I pray for you tonight.
Saturday, August 23, 2014
6 days past Egg Retrieval
The last few days have been a lot easier.
Today was the last day the embryos could turn into a blast into the last stage before it is ready for a transfer.
Dr. Anderson called me this morning and was happy to report 2 of the embryo were biopsied this morning. So out of the 3 we had we have 2 good ones we will send to PGS testing.
But before we do that we have been thinking and praying what we should do next....
For the PGS testing you pay for 8 embryos to be tested, its a few thousands dollars even it you only have 2 to test. So we decided to do "batching"
What that means is we will do another round of IVF egg retrieval and hope to get any more embryos so we can send them out all together in Oct.
They will test them and come back to tell us which ones are normal.
Because my Dr. has told me both egg retrieval times that my egg look abnormal, I really want to make sure when we do a transfer that the embryo is normal to give a 85% higher chance for a pregnancy.
yes,
It's a lot of waiting and a lot of money more, since we have no insurance left to cover for IVF med.s that could be around 5,000. Hopefully, we still haven't hit our lifetime maximum for IVF procedure and that will still keep the cost low then if we had done this all out of pocket. Reason number 1, why we have been living at my parents for the last year!
I just want those friends starting this process to know they have lots of options when they read stuff out there.
So, for now Sep. will be a quite month as I take my mind off of infertility treatments all together!
Today was the last day the embryos could turn into a blast into the last stage before it is ready for a transfer.
Dr. Anderson called me this morning and was happy to report 2 of the embryo were biopsied this morning. So out of the 3 we had we have 2 good ones we will send to PGS testing.
But before we do that we have been thinking and praying what we should do next....
For the PGS testing you pay for 8 embryos to be tested, its a few thousands dollars even it you only have 2 to test. So we decided to do "batching"
What that means is we will do another round of IVF egg retrieval and hope to get any more embryos so we can send them out all together in Oct.
They will test them and come back to tell us which ones are normal.
Because my Dr. has told me both egg retrieval times that my egg look abnormal, I really want to make sure when we do a transfer that the embryo is normal to give a 85% higher chance for a pregnancy.
yes,
It's a lot of waiting and a lot of money more, since we have no insurance left to cover for IVF med.s that could be around 5,000. Hopefully, we still haven't hit our lifetime maximum for IVF procedure and that will still keep the cost low then if we had done this all out of pocket. Reason number 1, why we have been living at my parents for the last year!
I just want those friends starting this process to know they have lots of options when they read stuff out there.
So, for now Sep. will be a quite month as I take my mind off of infertility treatments all together!
Thursday, August 21, 2014
3 days past egg retrieval
It's been a hard last 2 days.
I've tried everything to distract me and that may have included going to Disneyland twice in one day.
I waited and checked my phone every min. yesterday waiting to hear the update on the embryos. By 4 o'clock I just knew the worst had to happen, we probably dont have any left, so my dr isn't bothering calling me.
I called his office and he was out, so they connected me to the lab to give me my results. I was sooo happy the embryologist (yes, the person who studies my embryos) was so helpful and had good news.
We have 1 shinning through!!! It's a grade A and has 8 cells already, it's our hopeful one and perfect. The other 2 are grade B and only have 4/5 cells so they aren't sure if they will make it to day 6 where it will become a blast (meaning they can transfer it). If the 2 don't keep dividing in cells it will appear as finished because it stopped growing and they can no longer do anything for it.
So right now, I know we have 1 good one.
They hard part is what do we do next.
We could easily go ahead with PGS testing and wait to see if it comes back a normal embryo and then do the transfer in Sep.
Orrrrr (we are most likely doing this one)
Freezing what embryos we have this saturday and taking a month off (Dr.'s orders) then doing ANOTHER (3rd's time a charm, right?) Egg Retrieval in Oct. and hoping we get more embryos to do the PGS testing then have the transfer schedule for Nov. then find out if all this really worked in Dec.
Have I told you yet, we started our treatments last Aug. and I never ever ever ever ever thought it would be taking us this long to have another baby.
Baby B was SERIOUSLY a miracle with our 1st treatment and IUI. I thank my Heavenly Father everyday to be her mom!
With all that said....we love all the prayers and support coming our way and I know they are helping so please remember us in the next few months still ahead we have.
Thankfully I have a great husband and family and soo grateful for a great therapist!!
I've tried everything to distract me and that may have included going to Disneyland twice in one day.
I waited and checked my phone every min. yesterday waiting to hear the update on the embryos. By 4 o'clock I just knew the worst had to happen, we probably dont have any left, so my dr isn't bothering calling me.
I called his office and he was out, so they connected me to the lab to give me my results. I was sooo happy the embryologist (yes, the person who studies my embryos) was so helpful and had good news.
We have 1 shinning through!!! It's a grade A and has 8 cells already, it's our hopeful one and perfect. The other 2 are grade B and only have 4/5 cells so they aren't sure if they will make it to day 6 where it will become a blast (meaning they can transfer it). If the 2 don't keep dividing in cells it will appear as finished because it stopped growing and they can no longer do anything for it.
So right now, I know we have 1 good one.
They hard part is what do we do next.
We could easily go ahead with PGS testing and wait to see if it comes back a normal embryo and then do the transfer in Sep.
Orrrrr (we are most likely doing this one)
Freezing what embryos we have this saturday and taking a month off (Dr.'s orders) then doing ANOTHER (3rd's time a charm, right?) Egg Retrieval in Oct. and hoping we get more embryos to do the PGS testing then have the transfer schedule for Nov. then find out if all this really worked in Dec.
Have I told you yet, we started our treatments last Aug. and I never ever ever ever ever thought it would be taking us this long to have another baby.
Baby B was SERIOUSLY a miracle with our 1st treatment and IUI. I thank my Heavenly Father everyday to be her mom!
With all that said....we love all the prayers and support coming our way and I know they are helping so please remember us in the next few months still ahead we have.
Thankfully I have a great husband and family and soo grateful for a great therapist!!
Monday, August 18, 2014
The first call
Our egg retrieval was yesterday and this afternoon I'm feeling much better. I've been resting in my bed since I got home yesterday and I really think sleeping more has helped my body heal faster.
The bad news...
Dr. Anderson called me and informed me once again we have a problem with my eggs. They were able to get 12 yesterday but they all looked not normal, They ended up doing ICSI which means they fertilize them by injecting one sperm into each egg.
Out of the 7 they did this too only 3 fertilized. Yes 3 is 2 more than we had last time but now I'm not counting on anything. I don't think this IVF is going to last much longer, we are just on day one and there are soooo many hurdles these 3 embies would have to overcome to even make it to a pregnancy.
Right now, I'm just not hopeful
I'm just numb
The bad news...
Dr. Anderson called me and informed me once again we have a problem with my eggs. They were able to get 12 yesterday but they all looked not normal, They ended up doing ICSI which means they fertilize them by injecting one sperm into each egg.
Out of the 7 they did this too only 3 fertilized. Yes 3 is 2 more than we had last time but now I'm not counting on anything. I don't think this IVF is going to last much longer, we are just on day one and there are soooo many hurdles these 3 embies would have to overcome to even make it to a pregnancy.
Right now, I'm just not hopeful
I'm just numb
Egg Retrieval procedure
After I woke up my husband came by my side, he told me Dr. Anderson retrieved 12 eggs and they were all going under to be fertilize. They will call me the next day to fill me in on the report.
I went home and slept for 4 more hours. I'm gonna stay in bed until tomorrow night to relax and feel better again.
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Egg Retrieval schedule
I'm so excited when my Dr. called me this afternoon,
oh wait, no the surgery center called me first.
Ha
They told me they have me down for an egg retrieval on Sunday, I told them that was funny because they jumped the gun on my Dr.
obviously he set this all up and they did confirm that he confirmed it all, it was just funny finding out all the details first from them. I can't blame my Dr. though, he is a very very busy Dr. with a TON of hormonal women needing hisattention medical skills.
The surgery center also told me I was the only one coming in that day, sooo special, everyone better be alert and ready. I have to wake up at 5am, leave at 6am, hubby drop off his sample and get in the surgery center by 6:45, I do under at 7:45.
I.Can.Not.Wait
Tons of tons of HOPE!
oh wait, no the surgery center called me first.
Ha
They told me they have me down for an egg retrieval on Sunday, I told them that was funny because they jumped the gun on my Dr.
obviously he set this all up and they did confirm that he confirmed it all, it was just funny finding out all the details first from them. I can't blame my Dr. though, he is a very very busy Dr. with a TON of hormonal women needing his
The surgery center also told me I was the only one coming in that day, sooo special, everyone better be alert and ready. I have to wake up at 5am, leave at 6am, hubby drop off his sample and get in the surgery center by 6:45, I do under at 7:45.
I.Can.Not.Wait
Tons of tons of HOPE!
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Meditation
my therapist gave me some great meditation advice, because I feel like I'm very specific in why I'm doing all this (for my IVF cycle) I started googling infertility mediation and came across
of their facebook page is CircleBloom Facebook
This is the only meditation out there that is specific for IUI/IVF and they have many different programs to pick from. I started doing the meditation IUI/IVF cycle and can really tell a difference. I plan on buying the other programs they have for FET, and giving birth.
Also my therapist told me about Oprah and the mediation she started with Deepak. Just this past monday they started a 21 days program on "Expanding your Happiness"
I think this cycle has been different from the first with all these great changes I have made.
of their facebook page is CircleBloom Facebook
This is the only meditation out there that is specific for IUI/IVF and they have many different programs to pick from. I started doing the meditation IUI/IVF cycle and can really tell a difference. I plan on buying the other programs they have for FET, and giving birth.
Also my therapist told me about Oprah and the mediation she started with Deepak. Just this past monday they started a 21 days program on "Expanding your Happiness"
I think this cycle has been different from the first with all these great changes I have made.
Insurances with Infertility
I just added to my blog my email address because I want to be able to answer or help anyone who felt as lost as I did in the beginning of this journey.
You can always e-mail me at Aubs03@gmail.com
When we 1st started treatments in 2011 we had nothing, we borrowed up front money from my parents to start IUI, and shocked when it worked the first treatment.
In 2013 we started treatments again for baby #2, but this time my husband had a new job with Fidelity Investments and as a company they have infertility insurance in California under United Health Care. I know each state can be different and each insurance company has a ton of different plans but if you find a company that will provide infertility coverage, never ever leave. It's rare. I found it rare that ours covered IVF, and PGS and had a separate lifetime maximum for fertility drugs and procedures.
How can you help afford infertility treatments?
Here's a few links to help you...at Fertilitythoughts.com
Here's a great form with companies that have infertility assistant.
Clinic promotions, clinical trials and ivf discounts.
You can always e-mail me at Aubs03@gmail.com
About Insurances with infertility coverage and IVF coverage with medicine.
Let's just say it....its rare to find any insurance company that is going to pay a dime for what we have to go through.When we 1st started treatments in 2011 we had nothing, we borrowed up front money from my parents to start IUI, and shocked when it worked the first treatment.
In 2013 we started treatments again for baby #2, but this time my husband had a new job with Fidelity Investments and as a company they have infertility insurance in California under United Health Care. I know each state can be different and each insurance company has a ton of different plans but if you find a company that will provide infertility coverage, never ever leave. It's rare. I found it rare that ours covered IVF, and PGS and had a separate lifetime maximum for fertility drugs and procedures.
How can you help afford infertility treatments?
Here's a few links to help you...at Fertilitythoughts.com
Here's a great form with companies that have infertility assistant.
Clinic promotions, clinical trials and ivf discounts.
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